Sunday, March 4, 2012

The Race to Disarm

I remember the cuff links, the smile, the v-neck sweater...yes...my brother knew how to work a room even as a six year old child. My brother has always had that "it" factor. He just has always been able to walk into a room and light it up and attract people to him. Sometimes I think my brother would have been an amazing detective or interrogator. However, my brother hasn't done bad for himself as a professional musician where he gets to entertain crowds regularly and make music that helps people feel more positive about their life.

So, what is the real skill that my brother has and that many people need to develop in order to increase their relationship with others? The skill of learning how to disarm people. In my experience people are natural skeptics when they come into new situations or when they meet new people. And that can be understandable as there are many people out there just trying to take from and manipulate others for their own self-interest. However, I truly believe there are people out there who really want to help others in a no strings attached way. The key to creating quality long lasting and trustworthy relationships with people is to help them understand that your intentions are noble and honest. The easiest and most effective way to do this is to disarm that skepticism with what I call my "three pillars of being"...be present, be consistent and be kind.

When I met one of my good friends Lindsay Metter, I could tell from the moment we met that she was very skeptical of me. She had been burned by folks in the past. Many of those people promised things and could not deliver. They were flaky, lazy and dishonest. The funny thing is that Lindsay's story is just like so many other people's story when it comes to connecting with others. The aftermath of meeting and being vulnerable with someone often ends in disappointment and guarded feelings. In my quest to gain Lindsay's friendship and really get to know her I stuck to my pillars. I was present with her, consistent in our meetings and always made sure to be kind. These pillars continue to grow our friendship to this day and for that I am very thankful. The key though is to replicate this with other people you intend/desire to have meaningful relationships with.

There is nothing better than to watch someone blossom and gain confidence in the relationship they have with you once their fears and concerns have been alleviated because you were present, consistent and kind to them. It doesn't take much to please people and on the same end it doesn't take much to hurt people as well. Spend your time pleasing and caring about people.

"Be present, be consistent and be kind"

Until next time...

Dr. D
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