Dr. Darian's Blog

Kindness Matters

2012-02-01T13:02:00.000-08:00

I just couldn't sleep...the hours kept passing by and I kept wondering when I was going to feel like going to sleep. I was pretty wired from a long, demanding yet exciting weekend with the 3rd Annual Connect to Fitness Conference. My mind was racing as to how we could top what we did over the weekend for next year's conference. Well, as my mind was racing I found myself watching a few movies on the lifetime channel. Now, I know what you might be saying...Lifetime...really? The acting is bad and the story lines are thin at best. Ok, ok, you might be right, but in one of the movies I remember them talking about forming an organization at a school called Kindness Matters. For some reason at 1:30am in the morning that really resonated with me.

In my line of work I am constantly confronted with decisions about my own behavior and the behavior of others. How I react and treat people certainly creates a perception of the type of person I am. While it is important to have a range of emotions, it is definitely important to serve people with kindness and dignity. Kindness matters because people matter. Everyday we all have a great opportunity to treat the people in our lives with warmth, compassion and care. As a service provider, a husband, a father, a brother and a son, this is my biggest asset. I know that how I conduct my personal and professional life will directly impact the performance of those ares of my life.

One of the highlights of the Connect to Fitness Conference was listening to Elia Lata, Operations Manger for Zappos. I was so psyched to be able to get Zappos to present at our small yet growing conference. Elia talked about the Zappos culture and how it has helped Zappos become a hugely successful company. What stuck out the most about Elia's presentation was how he kept coming back to core values and aligning yourself with people who share your core values. If you gather a group or crew of liked minded people who truly care about changing the landscape of our culture then that's when sweeping reform happens. In the case of Zappos they have created a tidal wave of positive thinking and doing. That's power, but ultimately that's power that is focused on giving kindness and caring deeply about the people in your lives both personally and professionally.

So, what's the take home message...simple...kindness matters...people matter... and how you behave matters. Give kindness to others and watch how true and genuine things begin to move in your life. Take the time to love and care for other and see how you will receive it back in your life twofold. Giving kindness does not cost anything except for a little bit of your time. After all, if you are too busy to give kindness then you really have to examine the life you are living. What kind of life is that? Not one that will give you kindness back from others. Be kind. Be loving. Be giving. Be present in your life.

Until next time...

Dr. D

The Fountain of Youth

2012-01-24T11:08:00.000-08:00

For many, many centuries there have been people looking for the fountain of youth. Looking for a mythical Spring that allowed you to stay young forever once you bathed in it. Specific tales of the search for the fountain of youth have been found in Herodotus, Alexander Romance and the stories of Prester John. And then of course in the 16th century Ponce De Leon became well known for his search for the fountain of youth. What is interesting is that the pursuit of staying young continues on even in our current society. And in many cases you can make an argument that we are more obsessed than ever with staying young as long as possible. Plastic surgery, pills, restrictive diets and more are dominating the landscape of health and wellness these days all in the name of being youthful forever.

However, there is one thing that has been around for thousands of years that we know is the closest thing to the fountain of youth. It has become popularized these days, but still so many people have a hard time accepting that this thing is the key to not only a more youthful look, but also youthful internal functions and peace of mind. What is it? EXERCISE.

That's right. Exercise is truly the fountain of youth. Will exercise help you live forever? Of course not. No one lives forever and you know what? That's ok because it is not about living forever, it is about living well during the time you have. Exercise is a huge component towards that. Current research continues to aim arrows towards the overriding face that exercise is medicine and that the appropriate amounts of exercise will keep you younger in many ways. Exercise is truly a miracle worker or a panacea if you will. Did you know you would have to take almost 200 specific pills to mimic the effects of exercise? It is truly amazing how exercise affects your mood, and well being. And then there's the very concrete positive effects on stroke volume, cardiac output, capillary density, lymph movement, resting heart rate, VO2 max, and so on and so on. Exercise is definitely king when it comes to a youthful feeling both physically and mentally.

So, the question is...why is something that we know is so good for you so very hard for so many people to regularly participate in? Every January people all across the world commit to changing their exercise habits, but we know via research that the drop out rate is at least 50% after three months. One of the easiest explanations for the lack of steadiness with exercise is that this "fountain of youth" is not about bathing in a Spring and relaxing. This fountain of youth requires a steady commitment of very hard work and effort. That's a large part of it. Is time the issue? Not really, there are 168 hours in the week so there is time to make exercise an important part of your life.

The time is now to capture that fountain of youth. It is available to you everyday. You don't have to circumnavigate a continent or cross an ocean to find something that will give you youthfulness and vitality. Nope, all you have to do is move your body and become more knowledgeable about how your body responds to exercise. Exercise...magnificent, amazing, rewarding and life giving in so many ways...exercise...the true fountain of youth.

Until next time...

Dr. D

The Currency of Goodness

2012-01-19T14:30:00.000-08:00

As a frequent networker here in Vegas, I get the chance to meet so many amazing and diverse people. Each time I have a meeting with someone it renews my sense of excitement in others. There is so much to learn from everyone you meet. Each person brings a different perspective to life and that in itself is very rewarding for me. However, the biggest reason I love meeting people is because I have the honor and opportunity to invest the currency of goodness between us and hopefully I can do that over a long time.

If you really think about it, there is no such thing as an overnight success in any business or personal relationship. Good things require time, attention, patience and encouragement. Ultimately, it takes a strong investment into others in order to see a strong return on investment. There is where people often make big mistakes. Some people want things so badly that they forget that the path and the journey are far more important than the end result. How can you appreciate the end result of anything if you have no respect or appreciation for what it took to get there?

For example, my wife and I have been married for 7 and a half years and while I enjoy how wonderful our relationship is, I truly value our marriage because of the memories and consistency of love we have created during the past 7 plus years of marriage. I respect, admire and celebrate the time, attention, patience and encouragement my wife has given to me over that time. If we both never took the time to invest into the entity that is our marriage then we would not be together right now. We invested the currency of goodness into the process of marriage and have enjoyed the results because of that. I always tell people...think and focus more energy into being married than the hoopla behind getting married. Weddings are great and I had a blast at mine, but the real investment is in the process of marriage.

Regardless of whether I am talking about marriage, business or friendship, the principles are the same. Great marriages, great friendships and great businesses thrive on goodness based investments in people over a long period of time. You can never give enough goodness to someone. I challenge everyone reading this to shower the people in your life with goodness. Tell them that you want to give them some goodness because they deserve it. Tell them that you want to serve them because they deserve it. Tell them that you will be there for them because you said you would. Tell them, tell them, tell them how good they are because people need to feel good about themselves!! And remember, the challenge is to do it over a long period of time. Be consistent in your behavior of goodness to others and watch your success multiply in ways you could not have imagined.

Until next time...

Dr. D

Change the World...One Person at a Time

2012-01-13T19:46:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite things is to do is to mentor new personal trainers into the business. There is sense of wonderment and determination in new trainers that many times gets lost in time with seasoned fitness professionals. I also, love when a new trainer comes to me and says they want to change the world and make as many people as possible live healthier lifestyle. While I commend their passion and ambition, a more realistic point of view is to change someone’s world not the whole world.
You see, too often we get caught up in trying to reach our arms out across the globe to help thousands when your greatest efforts often come in reaching out to a few who then affect another few and then so on and so forth. Affecting change is more of a local phenomenon rather than a worldwide phenomenon. I give this advice frequently to up and coming professionals in several fields who routinely want to have great success immediately. I will tell you what I tell them…focus your efforts on helping someone else become successful on a local level and you will see your success rise slowly over time.

Besides, would you even be able to handle large and widespread success if it came to you right away? More than likely the answer to that would be no! Equip yourself by focusing on the smaller acts of kindness with people in your life. Ask yourself this…when was the last time you told your spouse that they mean the world to you or have you asked them how can you serve them better? Or when was the last time you praised a co-worker or client for their tireless efforts in trying to improve themselves? Have you offered to take a friend to lunch and buy their meal?

These little things means so much to the people you do this for. My wife spent time growing a plant and after it was fully grown she gave it to a co-worker of hers who always steps up to the plate at work and helps so many people. This person was so touched by the gesture that she started to tear up. After my wife told me this story it just made me think (and I verbalized this as well to my wife) that people are really not that hard to please. Just remember the “say and do rule.” What is it? Always remember to say something and do something nice each day to bring joy to those who are in the grind with you each and every day.

And I guarantee you that the blessings you will receive from this will be better than anything you could imagine. Change someone else’s world and you set into motion the action of changing the whole world.
Until next time…

Hold on to Your Love

2011-12-30T13:55:00.001-08:00

"Many days I've longed for you
Wanting you
Hoping for the chance to get to know you
longing for your kiss
for your touch, your feel, your presence
Many nights I've cried from the things you do
Felt like I could die from the thought of losing you
I know that you're real
With no doubts, no fears
And no questions"

If you were reading the lines above and thought they sounded familiar then you probably know that they are lyrics from a song called "Love" by Musiqsoulchild. Musiq is one of my favorite artist of all time because of his amazing songs about love and devotion. Over the holidays I had some time to sit back and think about the love that I have in my life. While there are many people that I know, I know there are a certain people in my life where the love is so deep and genuine.

This is the kind of love that my mother and father who are 59 years old have for their 33 year old son when they give me a hug that lasts so long because we miss each other so much.

This is the kind of love from a wife who has hugged and kissed me at the door pretty much every day for the last seven years.

This the kind of love that you get when your best friends accept the greatest responsibility of raising your only child in the event that something fatal happens to both of us.

This is the kind of love that my brother and I have for each other as young men in our 30's still trying to impress each other and the warmth we have when we tell each other we love each other.

This is the kind of love that my wife and I see when we look into our baby girl's eyes and cry thinking about how beautiful the life she can now have due to her birth mother's adoption plan.

This is the kind of love that is kindled when the president of your company meets you later at night after a long day of meetings and tells you how much you mean to the company and ask what else can we do to be there for you?

It is not often to experience love so deep that just thinking about it sends you into a beautiful whirlwind of emotions. I want to encourage all of you reading this to hold on to the love that you have in your life. Hold on to the heartfelt memories between yourself and the people you love. Hold on to the gratitude you feel when those you love stick by you even when you aren't living right. Hold on to the memories of love with those who have passed on. Hold on and don't let go because love is not ordinary...it is extraordinary. It is both magical and comforting...overwhelming yet peaceful...and completely universal.

I will end off with a quote from my brother's best man wedding speech at my wife and I's wedding reception. My brother said "never forget where your love started and you will never see it end." Amen to that.

Until next time...

Dr. D

p.s. this blog post is dedicated to my recently deceased dog, Bob. He passed away a few days ago while my wife and I were on vacation. I will never ever forget the love we had and will always have for you. You were like my first child. I love you dearly and will miss you dearly. Thank you for being in our lives for 8 wonderful fun loving year. When you died, a piece of me went with you my golden friend.

Reconnecting

2011-12-17T18:15:00.000-08:00

I was checking my e-mail and I came across a friend request from Facebook. Now, getting a friend request is normally not a big deal, but when it is from someone you haven't talked to in about 10 years then that is a bit different. Immediately, thoughts of my time in college began to flood my brain. What was great about it was that it was all positive and this was a person who just through the course of life we just drifted apart when we graduated from college. Long story short, we talked on Facebook and he let me know he was coming to Vegas on business and since then we have hung out a few times here in town and reminisced about the good ole days while also creating new memories.

Do you ever just feel like sometimes you are supposed to come full circle with certain people in your life? One of the greatest mysteries in life is the interaction between people and how we remain connected and how we fall out of those connections. I'm sure everyone reading this can identify with a situation where they fell out of touch with an old friend and suddenly the years just seemed to fade away. Then all of the sudden like in my case with my friend from college, 10 years have passed. Where did the time to go?

Even with the passage of time, I am reminded that life has a funny way of bringing the past to the present. The question we must answer when our past collides with our present is…are we ready to reconcile who we were with who we are? What you represented in your actions in the past may be completely opposite of the life you live now. And building a bridge from the past to the present can be hard when those who knew you back then have a difficult time seeing who you are now. Regardless, it can be very therapeutic to reach backwards in order to move forward in your life.

My buddy from college, who I've hung out with here in Vegas recently, sent me a really nice note after he got back home to Virginia. The basis of the note was simple...it was great to reconnect and talk about the old days, but let's build on this reconnection by creating new memories. Amen to that.

I hope that during this holiday season that you are able to reconnect with someone from your past. I hope that it makes you remember and gives you a sense of wonderment and love about the good times and maybe you will miss it a little bit. I hope that you chuckle when thinking about something you did or said way back when. Remember those times and those friends and respect it even if it was tough because it helped mold you into the person you are today. And finally, vault yourself to the present and create a future that is better than you could have ever imagined many years ago. I wish this for all of you along with daily love and daily strength.

Thank you everyone for reading my blog posts. I so appreciate it. Happy Holidays!

Personal Champions

2011-12-09T05:16:00.000-08:00

I was standing in the kitchen talking to my wife about all the people I have been meeting over the past couple of weeks. In my job, relating to others and being authentic are crucial components to my success. Usually when I talk to my wife about my meetings we get into some really deep conversations about human interaction. However, this time it was different. I found myself getting really emotional and then all of the sudden I just couldn't hold it back. I began to cry. My wife was stunned and came over to give me a hug and console me. She asked "What's wrong? I've never seen you like this." I looked at her with tears streaming down my cheek and told her, "So many people don't have personal champions...everyone needs a personal champion."

You might be thinking...personal champion? What's that? Well, in my interactions with clients, friends, colleagues and family I have heard too many times where they don't have that one person in their lives who would go to the moon for them. I can't tell you how many stories I have heard where people tell me they weren't encouraged to be successful. Or they were neglected and made to feel like they couldn't do anything. Or that their lives have been filled with people who say they will help them out, but then they never follow through on it. The more I hear these stories the more emotional it makes me. My tears were because no one should be left alone to figure out this world. This isn't a game about being alone. It is about sharing life with others who truly have your best interest at heart.

So you have to ask the question, who is your personal champion? Who is that one person or persons who said you could do anything, but also did everything in their power to assist you in doing anything you wanted? You have to delineate between the words people tell you and the actions that follow that. True personal champions do what they say they are going to do. I know in my life my wife, my parents, my brother, a few of my friends and one of my college professors have been personal champions for me. They have guided me, molded me and held me accountable for the steps I have taken in my life. They loved me when I needed to be loved and they were stern with me when I needed a kick in the butt. They provided ideas for me, but also did everything they could to help me make those ideas come to fruition over a long period of time. That's what it means to be someone's personal champion.

As I gathered my belongings to head off to work I was touched by how kind and sensitive my wife was with my feelings. She's been married to me for almost 8 years and while she knows I would be fine and would go about my day undeterred, she still took the time to send me notes of encouragement through the day. The great thing is that it isn't just about that one day to her though. She's been my one of my personal champions since the day I met her. Why? She's loved me consistently hard throughout our marriage and has always supported and encouraged me in whatever I chose to do. Our life has been a very kind and fulfilling life because of how much she has poured in to me. That's a personal champion.

Until next time...

Dr. D

Life on a Treadmill

2011-11-28T20:19:00.000-08:00

If you've read enough of my blogs you can probably guess that this blog title doesn't mean that I'm going to talk about specific workouts you can do on a treadmill. However, the inspiration for this blog entry can certainly be traced back to the action of being on a treadmill. In my line of work, I see people walking or running on a treadmill every day. It is fascinating to see how people work out on a treadmill in terms of their intensity. Most people I see keep their workout at a pace that is pretty pedestrian. They never push themselves to increase their heart rate. And if you ask them why they don't push themselves many times they will tell you they don't want to work too hard or be in any kind of uncomfortable state. Or they will say I just do this all the time and I'm used to it. The funny thing is that life is a lot like this as well. So many people live their lives on a proverbial treadmill...walking or running at a pace that never allows them to make any progress. I guess you could say it matches the title of one of my favorite U2 songs..."Running to Stand Still."

Are you someone who walks through life; going through the motions and never pushing yourself to be greater than your circumstances? Have you taken a hard look at where you are today? Have you had an internal dialogue or even an external dialogue with trusted friends or family about where you want your life to head? If you have done none of these things then I challenge you to do those things! Increase the speed and incline of your goals and dreams. Get your heart racing and build up a good sweat. Think about it this way...you will gain absolutely nothing by doing nothing, but you will gain the opportunity to have a more fulfilling and worthwhile life if you go beyond your comfort zone.

Anyone that I've ever known to be very successful doesn't live their life on cruise control. They don't get dragged into what everyone else is doing. They create their own path and blaze through it with a sense of adventurousness and curiosity. They are explorers in their own life, always looking for ways to discover the very fire that burns deep within them. Find the fire within yourself and grow it until it engulfs and spreads into the fabric of everyone around you. You are capable of doing more than the status quo.

So, next time you are on that treadmill think about your life. Think about how good things are hard and how awesome that is! Good things should be hard! Don't prescribe to the assembly line of life. Get off the line and make a b-line towards the life you've always wanted.

Until next time...

Dr. D

Time Games

2011-11-16T11:04:00.000-08:00

After track practice in college one of my rituals was to go to the athletic training room and cool down on the upright bike while studying for my various exams. I would even go over my notes while I was in the whirlpool after riding the bike. Then I would go to the cafeteria at school and eat dinner while continuing to study for exams, read textbooks and plot out my next day of academic work. My time demands were very heavy in college as a full time student and a full time scholarship athlete. I had to study and work on school work whenever I could.

Today my time continues to be dominated by family, work and other professional interests that keep my plate full. I have been playing time game ever since I can remember, but honestly who doesn’t play them? All of us are pulled in several directions in our lives whether it be financially, emotionally, socially, occupationally, spiritually or intellectually. However, very few people actually win at the time game. The reason…well there are several, but in order to create a healthy forward momentum in life you must avoid procrastination and seek out the opportunities to master your time. Those who don’t make excuses for their time and work when others don’t will always be champions of the time game.

You really have to ask yourself this…am I taking advantage of opportunities to maximize my time even when my time is limited? Have I developed a plan of attack for the barriers and roadblocks in my life that often sidetrack my time? If you have answered no to these questions then you are effectively losing at that time game. And the consequences of losing at the time game are huge. When you fail to plan and manage your time effectively you delay and sometimes miss out on the greatest opportunities both personally and professionally in your life.

I don’t want you to miss out on the great things that are out there for you. You don’t want to live with the regrets of lost time. It is a regret that for many haunts them until their last days. Take a hold of your life and be unique, be bold and be creative. Time will continue to move on long after you are gone so the final question is what will you do with your time? Win the game.

Until next time…

Dr. D

The Greatest Responsibility

2011-11-04T10:16:00.000-07:00

Responsibility. We are all responsible for our finances, our families, our jobs and a plethora of other things. However, I'm betting that there is one responsibility that you haven't thought of that each of us is required to uphold. Do you have a guess? What do you think it is? Ok, I will tell you. Your greatest responsibility is to other people. That's right...how you treat others and help others plays greatly into the type of life that you will have and most importantly the type of life others will have.

You see our lives are primarily consumed by the pursuit of self promotion and gratification. We have become the center of our lives. We have become our own sun and the planets or people in our personal solar systems tend to rotate around all of the things that encompass our life. However, the opposite should be true. You should be orbiting the lives of others as so many people need you in their lives. If you really think about it...you truly gain yourself once you lose yourself. True selflessness is the awareness and execution of the responsibilities that you hold to others. And why? Because we shape others into who they are and will be.

As a new parent I am cognizant that my wife and I will be major factors in the development of our daughter's life. She will imprint us. She will mimic us. She will laugh and cry with us. Our responsibility is to be a good influence to her and help her reach the wonderful potential that surely lies within her. The same can be said for the other people in our lives though. Grown people need other people to look up to. Adults need heroes. We need others to help inspire us and push us to the heights of our abilities. No one is their own island. I promise you that.

So where does this leave us? It leaves us with one question. One simple question that we all must ask ourselves...are you and I fulfilling our responsibility to each other? Have we represented the greatest beauty of humanity or have we represented the lowest depths of humanity. We have a choice. We have a call to action. Will you respond?

There are so many out there waiting for your mentorship, your guidance and your kind words. Be responsible and lose yourself so that you can gain the responsibility that is waiting for you. The responsibility of serving others.

Until next time...

Dr. D

Rise

2011-10-27T10:56:00.000-07:00

I had been up since 4:00am one morning ago. My wife and my daughter were sleeping peacefully by the time I left out the house at 7:00am for a lecture I was going to do at 8:00am. While I was driving I noticed the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen in my life. The sun was rising ever so gently through the clouds. The sky was an orange hue that gave the sun the appearance that it was expanding slowly into the atmosphere. It was so beautiful and powerful at the same time. The sun's rise was truly magnificent and it got me thinking about the rise of us as people.

For many of us humanity is not a beautiful ascent. It is many times a rough and tumble experience of grief, anger, pain and frustration. However, there are also many moments when our rise is majestic and awe inspiring. It lets us know that we are capable always of rising above the circumstances that we have either been thrown in or have created. It is up to us to capture our own beautiful sunrise and be a light to those around us whether they are strangers or long time friends.

In my line of work I often get the chance to mentor many individuals in the health, fitness and wellness industry. Part of that mentoring is helping people to create new and desirable behavior patterns to overcome the undesirable ones they have been exhibiting for years. The biggest hurdle is often the mindset that you will continue to fall down because that's just who you are.

That couldn't be farther from the truth! The key is to create a goal or goals that allows you to rise gradually into the success that you have been searching for while also building a supportive social unit. You have to put in the work to get what you want! There is no overnight success when it comes to overcoming hard times and set backs that you may have experienced. Your ascension as a human being is primarily based on your willingness to focus on your ability and your effort through the process of becoming the person you want to be.

So the question is simple...are you willing to be consistent like the sunrise and sunset? Are you willing to move forward and stop making excuses for why you can't rise past the things that may have held you back? If you can answer yes to this then you are on your way. The next step is to create the path, walk down it and never look back upon the circumstances that held you back. Look at it this way...there can be no future if your past consumes your present.

I'm here to help anytime that anyone wants to talk about how to move forward. I love to help others rise and prosper. Please, feel free to chat with me and we'll help make a path that gets you on the way towards that success that has been waiting for you to arrive. Rise.

Until next time...

Dr. D

People and Deserts

2011-10-03T11:27:00.000-07:00

My feet were hurting yet my mind was as clear as ever. I knew we were getting close to reaching a goal that we all had been training for over many months. I wanted to savor the moment before we went on our final few miles to the peak of Mt. Charleston. That's me in the picture sitting on a decrepit old log and in the background there is nothing but desert and mountains that stretch for as far as the eye can see. To most people a desert represents a vast, dry and lifeless landscape. However, the desert is bubbling with beauty, activity and history that we just don't quite understand.

People are much like deserts. To some people we are the sum of our exterior parts. When we look at other people we make conclusions about their story. However, the big mistake we make with people is that we rarely learn about each other's story. Our stories define us and shapes who we have become. It explains a lot about why we make the decisions we make on a daily basis. Our stories are complex yet simple, sad and happy, long and short and so much more.

Each week I spend a portion of my days having one on one conversations with people and learning about their stories. Over the past few years I have had the honor of helping many people begin to thrive in their professional lives and consequently in their personal lives. I am humbled by what I have heard by way of their stories. I don't think I could have helped those people or anyone I will help in the future without knowing the story of how they got to where they are at that moment. It is my number one requirement when getting to know people over the course of our meetings. If you can't tell your story and ultimately face up to the story of your life then it will be incredibly difficult to see and experience the joy you could have in your life.

Often everyone has a story of pain, anger and disappointment, but there are also those who have wonderfully deep and rewarding stories as well. Regardless of which way your story has mapped out, you have the opportunity to become greater than your circumstances. The negative aspects of our stories do not have to sentence us to a lifetime of unhappiness and what if statements. The greatest gift of life is the ability of one's choice to make something greater of themselves. Your story of the past may have greatly contributed to who you are, but it does not determine who you will become.

So how can you begin to write the story of your awesome future? Well...instead of me giving you a list of several things you can do I only have one piece of advice. Lose yourself. Leave your ego behind and focus on the intentions, follow through and success of others. Through that you will create a story that is centered upon service and love. And much like the desert, you will surprise everyone by thriving even in the harshest conditions. Even when your life seems to be so arid, so empty and so drab people will marvel at how you continue to remain beautiful and inspiring despite the difficulties that are part of this world.

Your story of the future is ready to be written right now. What will it be?

Dr. D

A Few Words Go a Long Way

2011-09-24T09:32:00.000-07:00

When my parents lived on Ft. Meade in Maryland I always loved coming to their house and taking a walk with my mom. We always walked around this pond that was brimming with wildlife everywhere. There were foxes, ducks, birds and squirrels passing through the pond area in what seemed like an orchestrated march of the animals. This particular time I was home we took that walk again and my mother and I talked about life in general for a bit. My mother is an easy person to talk to. I enjoy hearing her commentary on things. This time though after a while of talking I felt like she really needed to get something off of her chest. My mother was quiet for a second and then said something that I'll never forget. She said, "You and your brother have turned out to be such good young men. Having you both has made your father and I's life worth it." I remember trying to keep my emotions in check as it is not everyday that one of your parents shares such a deep and profound thing with their children. I was honored, touched and moved by her words. They were just a few words, but they easily propelled me towards wanting to do more and be better in my life.

In life a few words go along way in laying the foundation of one's life. As human beings our words can either instill great confidence or low self-esteem in others. I recognize I have been fortunate in my life to be around people who have instilled kind words into me. Those words have pushed me and motivated me to become the person I am today.

When you read this blog I want you to ask yourself...how have your words affected others in your life? Are you someone who pours joy into the hearts of others or do you complain to others all the time about what they aren't doing well or do you push all of your problems on to them? Your words go along way in shaping a person's view of themselves.

I believe people are so used to being told negative things that they have such a hard time accepting the positive things people tell them. Think about it. Have you ever told someone, I mean really told someone how much they meant to you and how wonderful they were? Watch how they become uncomfortable at those comments. People don't take well to kind words said to them because many times we as a society have not infused good things into others enough. How sad is that that we are more comfortable in criticism than we are in compliments?

As my mother and I finished our walk and went back to the house I felt like I could fly. To know that my mother could tell me how she felt about my brother and I on a very deep level was gratifying and fulfilling. As I watched a fox run through the streets and go somewhere in the forests of the base, I felt that all was right in my world because of some words said to me. Those words stick in my mind until this day and keep me working hard because I never want to let my parents down. I want to be the man they hoped I would be and I believe I am on that path.

Go out there and infuse good words into the people in your life. It will reverberate throughout their life. I promise you it will.

Until next time...

Dr. D

True Power is Understated

2011-09-19T09:31:00.000-07:00

I was driving up to Mt. Charleston for one of our quarterly WTS Vegas Manager Meetings. As happens many times while I'm driving, a central thought or thoughts begins to invade my mind. Many times I just begin to ponder about my life and where I am going next. However, this time, I felt an inexplicable urge to think about something that I normally never think about. I thought about Power.

And the first thought about power that came into my mind is how it is abused and thirst for by so many. I also thought about how when one or many gain power that they feel the need to blast it out to everyone. Why is that? Are we a society of egomaniacs? Are we a people who must be noticed and have people put us on pedestal for us to feel good about ourselves. It just really threw me off when I thought more about it. And the conclusion that I came to was that true power is understated.

True power does not make others acknowledge it.

I have gained great insight into this in several examples in my life. My most visible example of it is in the job I work. I truly believe I have one of the most unique jobs in the world as the General Manager of Club Ridges. Every day I am exposed to some of the most wealthy and powerful people in the country and the world. However, when you talk to these folks you would never know it. The don't ask me to recognize their brilliance...to acknowledge their celebrity...or to do special things for them. Nope, they just want to workout and chat sometimes with myself and my staff. That's true power.

Having my doctorate has been one of my greatest gifts and struggles in my life. I came to this conclusion a few days ago when I was riding in my car. It does provide me with a professional advantage, but the gravity of the accomplishment is not something that should be forced upon anyone. I don't want people to call me doctor because they feel they have to out of some weird obligation based on my accomplishing that degree. Some of you might be reading this and thinking if I had my doctorate I would make sure that people call me Doctor all the time, but my friends...there is no power in that. There's more power in people finding out about me having my doctorate and making the choice to call me doctor than if I tell them they need to call me that. My doctorate in no way, shape or form defines me. My colleague Dr. Michael Norwood embodies this the best. This is a man who is one of the top professionals in the fitness industry in my eyes and when I asked him to provide a bio for a book I was writing a few years back he gave me a few sentences. I asked him, "Dr. Norwood, why not more about what you've done?" His reply...."What I've done doesn't matter as much as who I am as a person." That's true power.

You see there's no power in proclaiming that you have the power. There's no respect in asking people to give it to you. And there's no honor in sacrificing who you are as a person in order to achieve some level of success that you think will make you happy. You cannot shoot for the stars, the fame and fortune if you haven't nurtured your soul. Without humbling yourself and growing the inside you, you will not be able to handle the success that could be coming your way anyways.

As I pulled into dirt parking lot next to the hiking entrance to Fletcher Canyon, I gathered my belongings and stepped out of my car. I took a second to look at the mountains and the trees and take in the peaceful nature of the area. As I waited for my fellow managers to arrive for the hike, I felt a great sense of humility and thankfulness for the time we would have together. No frills or big happenings. Just a simple time with some beautifully humble people. That's power.

Until next time...

Welcome to the Beautiful Struggle

2011-09-14T10:28:00.000-07:00

The picture on the left hand side of the screen says a lot of things. It says happiness. It says connections. It says upscale and somewhat formal. It says friendship. What's the saying? A picture is worth a thousand words. Well that may be true, but a picture does not tell the whole story behind the tremendous effort and determination to produce the final result.

You see, in this picture are two of my friends. Two people who have integrity, class and volumes of kindness. We are at my most recent networking event for my networking group Connect to Fitness. We had close to 60 people, which is a great success for us, but this picture does not tell you how we got so many people to show up. It does not tell you the tremendous behind the scenes effort of me and my team.

The take home point is that any good thing in life is hard. Nothing that is worth anything is easy at all. On the opposite end, bad things are very easy. It is easy to get in to trouble, make bad decisions and do things you know aren't right because well...they are quick fixes and make you feel good in the moment. However, bad things don't make for a good life in the long term. This is why successful individuals and companies are rare and why the average is so well...average.

The great thing about it is that everyone has an opportunity every single day to be greater than their circumstances and their past. You always have an opportunity to overcome anything that has been negative baggage in your life. But you have to remember that in doing the right thing and working for something good that it will be tough road to follow. Your perseverance and determination are requirements to reach your highest goals.

I remember one of the hardest and most fulfilling things I have ever done is finish my doctorate. I experienced many great disappointments during the process such as when my dissertation committee had me redo my whole 100 plus page dissertation. It was devastating internally at the time as I realized I had to climb the mountain all over again. However, I chose to handle it like I try to handle most things in my life...I got back on top of that paper and didn't stop until my committee approved my new dissertation. Graduating with my doctorate was a 3 and 1/2 year journey that taught me a lot about myself. It let me know primarily that I could bounce back even after tremendously low odds. And I realized big time that anything good is very hard!

So, it is my hope for you that when you have a large task or goal in your life that you scratch, claw and struggle for what you want because that's what it takes to accomplish anything that is worthwhile. It is truly a beautiful struggle.

When I look at that picture attached to this blog, I think not only about the smiles and the good times we had at the event, but also about the large effort that went into making that a well attended and appreciated event. I know what it took and it wasn't easy, but then again why would it be easy? Good things don't come easy. Welcome to the beautiful struggle.

Until next time...

Dr. D

Be Led & Be Willing to Lead

2011-09-08T11:55:00.000-07:00

A few years back I was given a book to read that really changed my outlook on mentoring others. It was a book called "A Hand to Guide Me." It is by written by Denzel Washington and it is a bunch of stories by celebrities and high level business professionals about how they were able to become successful in life. What was the theme of their success? That no one does it alone. There is no such thing as a self-made person.

You see in our efforts to climb ladders of professional and personal success we must remember that each of us owes our success to someone who believed in us with all of their heart. I know for me I have had several mentors who have made my life so much better. My mother and my father are first on that list along with my brother. Additionally, one of my college professors, Dr. Challace McMillin really helped to mold me into the person I am today.

The guidance of others who believe in you serves as great fuel for your present and future successes. However, even with mentorship there needs to be an element of tremendous work ethic to raise your game to the next level. One of the other great commentaries in Denzel Washington's book is the work ethic and drive of those who are successful and their understanding of the responsibility their success brings. In essence, you can guide someone, but if they don't want to put in the work then it won't matter.

I've had my fair share of time with people where they have reached great levels of success because they were willing to be coached and they had a roaring fire to work harder than the next person. The number one question people come to me for is "how can I grow my business?" I tell everyone the same answer and it is not magic or something very profound. It is very simple. What is it? You have to be willing to learn from others who are more successful than you and you must be willing to do things other people are not willing to do. Period.

When your colleagues are not making time for important events to go to then be the one person who doesn't make excuses and goes to the those events. When your colleagues are out for business for themselves, make it your priority to work hard to make business for others. When your colleagues don't follow through with you, always follow through with them and anyone you meet. When your colleagues are trying to do everything by themselves, go out and find someone to mentor you.

You must be a BEAST in your profession. You must have an insatiable desire to completely dominate in terms of your work ethic. There's no other way of getting around it. Success is not a lazy man's game. Excuses are for those who are not serious about reaching the pinnacle of their profession. If you want to be great and experience a high level of success then you must be willing to be mentored and you must be willing to out perform your colleagues.

I'll leave you with this...after losing the NBA Finals to the Boston Celtics a few year back, there was a story running that Kobe Bryant was so upset that he immediately practiced after the finals for the next season because he couldn't stand losing and he wanted to get back to win the NBA Championship. He also enlisted the guidance of legendary NBA player Hakeem Olajuwon, one of the greatest centers in the history of the game, so that he could work on some post up moves.

That's how bad Koby Bryant, one of the greatest basketball players of our time, wanted to be successful in his profession. He couldn't wait to improve his game by working hard and being led. Settling for second has never been in his vocabulary and it shouldn't be in your vocabulary either.

Be Led and Be willing to lead.

Until next time...

Dr. D

Making Peace with Change

2011-08-29T09:47:00.000-07:00

My heart was racing ever so slightly as the day had begun to approach. I started mentally preparing myself for the inevitable. It was dawning on me that who I am would be enhanced due to a wonderful life changing event. I was going to be a Dad very soon. And then I got the phone call that sank my heart into a place of loneliness and despair for a very short time. Instead of a happy time, my wife and I were now dealing with a very difficult time. Our adoption process had to start over as our current match fell through with days to go to the birth. I was heart broken for a day or so, but then I began to realize that my strength and my determination is greater than this situation because the center of my strength would not allow me to wallow in sorrow, but move forward and learn and grow from this.

One of the most certain things in life is the uncertainty of life. You can either choose to be beaten down by the things that inexplicably happen to you or you can be a light to others and in turn be a light to yourself during tough times. Lord knows it has been a tough year in the emotional department for my wife and I. My grandfather passed away and our adoption process has been amazing and trying all at the same time. The roller coaster of life is inevitable though. It is all how you handle the tough times and more importantly it is all how others see you handle it. What is important to remember is how you come to terms with difficulties in your life says a lot about the type of person you are. Are you someone who curses life when things get tough? Do you blame things on others? Do you refuse to face the pain your feeling and sweep it under the rug?

My friends, this is not a healthy way to live. If you want peace in your life then you have invite it in no matter how hard the road may be for you..no matter how much change occurs in your life. True peace happens when you maintain that which centers you. True peace is when you allow that center to foster a sense of hope and optimism even in your most vulnerable moments. Now it is ok to be angry in the beginning and express your hurt because after all you are human, but don't let it consume you. Don't let it blur the focus of your life. Be diligent in your efforts to accomplish your goals and dreams and recognize that change is inevitable. Change is barreling down on you everyday, every month and every year of your life. Stay the course and be the person you continue to strive to be for others and for yourself.

I'm hopeful and optimistic that I'll have my heart racing again soon when I get that chance to go meet my newborn child in the future. I know you are out there. Just like Sam Cooke said...change is gonna come. And when it happens I will be ready to be the father and man that I need to be for this child and our family as a whole. I'll be waiting!

Until next time.

Dr. D

Time Keeps on Ticking

2011-08-22T17:02:00.001-07:00

My wife came home from one of her master's level classes at UNLV and presented me with some interesting research on a topic that fascinated me. She said her professor gave each of them a research article to read that examined procrastination. While I enjoyed reading the study and felt there were some valid points about why procrastination occurs, I still came away with my continued conclusion that procrastination contributes to well...nothing... because procrastination is nothing. It is a pointless and life delaying habit that eventually causes people to examine where the time has gone in their life and why they haven't done more with the time they have. The real question though is what are you doing to maximize the time you have on this earth...right here...right now?

To better answer that you have to know what time is. But what is time? According to Google Dictionary it is "the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole." What really strikes me about that definition is the "continued progress" part. You see time will continue to move on whether you or I do great things or nothing at all. How you make use of your time plays a significant part in the overall happiness and fulfillment of an individuals' life.

If you are reading this and are thinking I haven't done much with my life then what is stopping you from doing much from here on? Is it your circumstances? Is it how you grew up? Whatever it is it doesn't have to determine who you will be from here on. And regardless of what you do from here on, time will continue to tick away. You might be 23 today, but as the hour glass of time continues to drain you will become 33, 43, 53 and so on. And when you have reached the twilight of your life will you look back on your time and feel a sense of strength, pride and satisfaction on what you have done? Or will you be a person who wonders what could have happened if you only took more chances or did more with your time. Everyone's time runs out. Period.

So, don't look at hugely successful people and envy them. Study them! Don't wait for life to happen, make it happen! And don't wish away the time you have, make it last by being productive in everything that you do. Love harder, work harder and smarter, be kinder to those around you, be more generous with your time, your unique talents, and your money. All of us have so much to give yet so little time if you really think about it to do it. Your life can be here today and gone tomorrow. Don't be afraid to be excellent!

Until next time....

Dr. D

Calling is a Novelty

2011-08-22T17:01:00.002-07:00

I think everyone remembers this one. You sat waiting, waiting, waiting...for the person you were interested in to call you. You just couldn't wait until that phone rang. You were tense, nervous, excited, hopeful and scared all at the same time. And then...it rang! It rang! You picked up the phone and tried to be smooth while you were talking to the person you were interested in. You know...trying to act like you really weren't sweating it that they were calling. Boy, those were the days and you know what? I miss it when I waited anxiously for a phone call from someone. Now, what are we waiting on...a text from someone? Somehow that just does not seem as fulfilling and personal.

I remember when I was engaged to my wife Michelle and we used to call each other every night when we were apart. For the first year of our relationship we lived on opposite sides of the country. She was in Pennsylvania getting things prepared for our wedding and I was a first year doctoral student at UNLV. We used to have phone dates where we rented the same movie and pressed play at the same time. All the while we talked on the phone while watching a movie. It was awesome and I couldn't wait to have those nights and our daily phone calls. We did that for a whole year and I still cherish those moments.

As a society though we have moved away from the phone call. So much so that now when you call someone to tell them thank you or ask them a question, they are surprised that you even called! I know people who will text you constantly and then when you try to call them they will not pick up the phone. What kind of sense does that make? While I must say that I do enjoy e-mail and texting, there has to be limits to this so we do not forget that hearing someone's voice is essential to relationship building.

So, the next time that you are thinking of texting someone or e-mailing someone or whatever you do online, think about getting offline and making that phone call. Because calling should not be a novelty.

Until next time....

Dr. D

If You Do the Right Thing...You Can't Be Wrong!

2011-08-22T17:01:00.001-07:00

Dr. Marge Slattery was a commanding and highly intelligent professor at James Madison University. She had a repulation for being tough in the classroom. I never minded that as I think professors should expect a lot from their students. I remember taking philosophy with her during my undergraduate studies. It was one of the toughest classes I have ever taken, but it was also one of the most rewarding. The first day of class I remember her saying clear as day, "Philosophy is about what one ought or ought not do." Essentially, what is the right thing to do and what is the wrong thing to do based on your philosophical point of view. While everyone is a mix of several philosophies (humanism, pragmatism, idealism and so forth), we all for the most part know when faced with tough decisions what we should do.

What's funny though is how we as humans deal with the everyday trappings of life that try to convince us to do the wrong thing. It seems that every time you turn around there is a way to manipulate the system or tell little white lies to get an advantage. On a daily basis we are all faced with the basic tenet of philosophy...ought or ought not...right or wrong. You know the answer.

However are you strong enough to turn away from the wrong thing and courageous enough to do the right thing even in the face of much scrutiny? I have lived on this earth for 33 years and as I have gotten older it has become much clearer what I ought or ought not do. There is a certain clarity to life's dilemmas in the fact that there really are no dilemmas. Doing the right thing is always the best option. While in the short term you might take bumps and bruises for doing the right thing...I promise it will be worth it in the long run.

Look at it this way, if you feel like you are sneaking around, keeping secrets and doing things that you know you probably shouldn't do then well...you are certainly doing the wrong thing. If you are seriously doubting an action you are about to do then why are you doing it? Listen, if you are doing wrong then just step up and admit it and then make a turn to the positive. One thing people love is a comeback story. You always have the choice to do the right thing even after you have done many wrong things. I know that I've done my fair share of bonehead things and I'm not proud of them, but I also know that each day I can be a better person by moving towards that which is positive in my life.

Everyone has the ability to make a positive difference in their own life and the lives of others. As long as you do the right thing you can't be wrong! Remember, whatever you do in the dark will come to light so make good decisions and step up to the plate and be honest with yourself and others.

Until next time....

Dr. D

At Tribute to the Living

2011-08-22T17:00:00.004-07:00

It was late at night and I was settling in for some excellent TV viewing time. I love watching TV late at night...you know...around 12am-ish. It is when I catch up on all the programming I DVR'd. I was really looking forward to this night because I was going to watch a show on some of Richard Pryor's best stand up material and the commentary from current comedians about it. I watched with great enjoyment some of Richard's classic routines. However, what struck me the most about the program was what one of the other comedians said. Eddie Griffin (another one of my favorite comedians) said "why is it that we always do tributes to people when they are dead? Why not when they are alive?"

And it clicked in me that Eddie was totally right! Why can't we just tell the people that inspire us and who make us feel so wonderful that they mean the world to us? Why can't we lay out a table of compliments and honor their impact in our lives in a big and grandiose way while they are living? I mean sure it makes sense that we remember with great honor the works of great artists when they have passed on. We immortalize greatness with ceremonies of praise when great folks are no longer here. Again, I get it, but why can't we do that for people when they are alive. Why not a tribute to the living?

So, here's the challenge to all of the readers of my blog...take the time to do a tribute to someone in your life who makes you feel like you can fly. Write a letter, send an e-mail or call up someone who has meant so much to your life and shower them with praise and admiration. I will get the ball rolling. Below I will share a tribute to my wife, who has been everything to me over the past eight years...

Dear Shel,

Thank you for being the best part of me in our almost seven years of marriage. You have been my comforter, my biggest fan and the greatest love a man could ever ask for. When I come home I love how you always greet me with a hug and kiss. In seven years I don't think there has been more than 3 times where this hasn't happened. Your consistency as a wife has been unparalled. Even during the ups and downs of life you have showed tremendous faith and courage. You have helped me become the man that I am today and for that my heart belongs to you always. While I could write so much more, I want to continue to show you my appreciation and my tribute to you in the actions of our daily lives. Thank you so much for coming into my life. This is my tribute to you.

Thanks for reading this everyone and if you would like to share your tribute please feel free to post it in the reply. Until next time...

Dr. D

HWC

2011-08-22T17:00:00.003-07:00

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was in my classroom at Pinnacle Career Institute mentally rehearsing the lecture for that day that I would present to my personal training students. My good buddy and fellow personal training instructor, Riley Ross, excitedly walked into the classroom and said I have to tell you about this supplement that will change your life. He said it was the only supplement of its kind. My interest was high after seeing Riley be so excited about this supplement. I was also really confused at that moment because Riley is in no way a supplement guy and he knew that about me as well. Regardless, I listen to him a bit more and then I ask, "what does HWC stand for?" With a wide grin on his face Riley looks me dead in the eye and says "HWC stands for Hard Work and Consistency!"

As you can imagine I let out a big laugh and we both thought it was hilarious. My next comments were "this is so awesome because well...that is the truth." Hard Work and Consistency is the formula for success in reaching one's health, fitness and wellness goals. Hell...it is the formula for success in almost anything you do! However, we are constantly bombarded with ways to escape the truth of "HWC."

From supplements to crash diets and exercise gimmicks, the world is filled with ridiculous ways to escape the truth of it all. And what is that? That you actually have to commit yourself to the process of hard work and consistency to make a sustainable change in your life. Desirable behaviors and habits do not blossom overnight. There is no pill, no powder, no 17 day diet/exercise program or some silly shape up based shoe that will give you the life or long term physiological adaptations that you want. It's just not gonna happen without a long term commitment to HWC.

No one becomes the best mother or father after two months. No one becomes the CEO of a corporation after 6 weeks. No one is inducted into the hall of fame for any sport after one good year. And many great guitar players sat in their rooms for hours upon hours as teenagers and young adults playing their guitar until they became a virtuoso. Only after you have committed yourself and created a body of work over the years can you fulfill your goals and dreams.

In the end...how can anything that promises you tremendous results in a very short period of time be good for you? Anything that is worthwhile and honeslty good in this life will never promise you a quick fix. Instead, it will always ask you to sacrifice, to love and to be patient through the process of getting that good thing. I promise you this my friends...if you allow yourself to get lost and commit to the everyday moments of the daily grind of HWC...I promise you will gain a life that is worth so much more than you could have ever imagined.

No shortcuts...no gimmicks....just HWC.

Help with Boundaries

2011-08-22T17:00:00.001-07:00

Pastor Dave is an excellent pastor. Back in 2002 I sat mesmorized by his kind and gentle approach to teaching the gospels. Pastor Dave is one of the most endearing and loving individuals you will ever meet. I always sat in the front row of church service at Alethia Church in Harrisonburg, VA as I wanted to soak in every single word from Pastor D. Pastor D has a real gift for speaking and he has an even bigger heart for service to others. Pastor D is the ultimate in helping others out. He would always invite me to dinner with his family every Tuesday night. Man was that food good! As a broke Master's students back then I really appreciated those meals and the fellowship with his family. Pastor D just knew how to help others in need, but he also said something that has always stuck with me and that I follow to this day. He said, "Darian, go out and help others and be a vessel for good things, but when you do so help with boundaries." About nine years later I heard my current pastor at Central Christian Church, Judd Wilhite, say the same thing to the congregation, "help with boundaries."

The concept of helping with boundaries is an excellent way to serve others while also creating parameters for that help. When anyone makes an honest effort and committment to give back to others it can be easy to get taken advantage of. And in many instances, the people you are helping may monopolize your generosity because someone is actually taking the time to be there for them in their lives. While it is an amazing feeling to help others it is so important to create a healthy and respectful environment for help to occur.

Here are three simple ways to create a healthy helping environment:

1. The Wills and Will Nots

An easy way to create a healthy helping environment is to discuss with the person you are helping the "wills and will nots" of helping that person. Tell the person what you will help them with and what you will not help them with. This creates a perimeter that protects both parties from going overboard.

2. They Must Move Towards Helping Themselves

Expanding upon the "wills and will nots," make sure to tell the person you are helping that they must move towards helping themselves in order to continue to receiving help from you. This let's the person being helped know that your help is contingent upon meeting certain criteria for helping themselves. It also teaches the person to learn to show up more often in their own life and have more personal accountability.

3. Evaulate Your Help

Last, but not least, you need to evaluate whether your help is still needed in the same fashion after a certain amount of time. While it is a wonderful feeling to help others, you as the helper must always evaluate the effects of your help and if things need to be changed.

Overall, if you would like to serve others in an honest and meaningful way, you must do it with boundaries in order to avoid burnout and/or being taken advantage of. Additionally, it helps the person being helped to become more self-sufficient while learning how to help someone else in a healthy way. The key is to create a healthy environment on both sides of the equation.

Thanks and until next time...

Dr. D

How Far Can You Go?

2011-08-22T16:59:00.003-07:00

I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be standing in the tunnel in the Thomas and Mack Center ready to walk out to an arena packed with people everywhere. It was quite a scene! Music was playing and everyone was so happy for what was about to come. I was so nervous standing in the tunnel waiting to go out there. My stomach was in knots and my heart was both joyful and relieved. As the entrance music began to blare I was told to get in position and get ready to walk out to the floor. As I walked slowly towards the floor of the arena I began to break down and cry. Was this finally it? Was all of my hard work and persistence about to pay off? I was about to fulfill a journey that started when I was 18 years old. A journey that no one outside of my family really thought I was going to do. But I did it and when I walked across that stage and heard “Darian Parker…Doctor of Philosophy,” I knew I had gone as far as I could and that made my soul so very happy. December 2007 was a wonderful time in my life. I was 29 years old and my terminal degree was in my hands.

I enjoy thinking back about my undergraduate and graduate educational journey. My parents were heavy influences in me going that far. They always pushed me to make something of my life and give my very best effort in whatever I chose to do. Graduations were a time of immense joy for the Parker family. I remember during my high school graduation from Robert E. Lee High School in Northern Virginia that the journey had only just begun. College was on the horizon and my parents always made it clear that not attending college wasn’t an option.

When I graduated with my Bachelor’s Degree from James Madison University my father cried and told me how proud of me he was. My mother was stoic and proud and told me I needed to go for my Master’s Degree. She also mentioned as the Doctorate students were receiving their degrees, “Don’t you want to get your Doctorate one day too and hear them say congratulations Dr. Parker?” At the time I thought my mother was crazy!! I said I’m not smart enough to do something like that. Just as my mother always did she said, “you can do it son…you can do anything you want to do.” My mother and father both challenged me in different ways to see how far I could go.

And as you read in the opening to this blog entry, I went on to earn my Doctorate from UNLV and I did it not only because my parents encouraged me to do it, but also because I wanted to see what I was made of. Could I do it? How far could I go?

How far can you go? That is a question that each person must answer for themselves at some point. My path in terms of how far can I go was exactly that…my path. What’s your path? How are you working towards owning that path and becoming the best that you can be in that direction? Are you blazing a trail or are you just taking a walk in the park? Are you telling yourself it is too late? Are you thinking what is done is done and you can’t do anything about it?

The thing about seeing how far you can go is that you can’t just talk about it; you have to be about it. You have to make very smart decisions and always put forth your best performance in whatever you do. And you have to be prepared for the storms associated with going as far as you can go. You see, life is not a lukewarm journey where everything is also always on your terms. When seeing how far you can go you will be knocked down several times. Your heart, your mind and your spirit will be taken to the edge of despair. Even with all of this will you see it through to the end? My friends…seeing how far you can go is a road certainly less traveled yet it is a road that each of us can travel knowing that there is something great out there for each of us. The question is will you seek it and will you seek it with all of your being?

Until next time...

Dr. D

Valleys Lead to Peaks

2011-08-22T16:59:00.001-07:00

Almost every morning I repeat a same routine. Get up, hug my wife, brush my teeth, shower, take the dogs for their morning walk and then put on my work uniform. The last part is the hardest because I keep a picture of my recently deceased grandfather on my dresser. It is hard to look at his picture and realize that he is not on this earth anymore. Papa was a wonderful man and some mornings the sight of his smile in that picture both makes me laugh and cry. I miss my grandfather. That has been a tough valley for me to climb out of recently in my lfie.

Getting out of the valley can be difficult for anybody no matter how well you cope with things. I truly believe we all struggle with this when we have strong feelings towards the situations that are trying in our lives. Besides my grandfather's passing, I always struggle when my emotions boil over when I've had to discipline my employees over the years. In the rare instances that I have raised my voice and let my emotions get the better of me it has been tough for me to let go of the valley I am in. I've been a part of some very tense meetings and I've said some pretty point blank rough things when I've had to and it never makes me feel good. A few weeks ago I had a resident say some of the nastiest things anyone has ever said to me while on the phone and as I sat there letting him vent I knew it was going to be hard for me to let go of those words for a bit. I had done nothing wrong, but it was his time to lay into me even though my staff and I were doing the right thing. And I won't lie folks...I have taken it hard in the past when me and my CTF team and our affliates pour our hearts out in planning events and a bunch of folks RSVP and then no show.

However, I always come back to the fact life is not about things going right all the time. If that was true then all of us would be filthy rich and on top of the world. Life does not operate that way so what does that mean? We must go through the valleys of life in order to see the peaks. We can't appreciate the goodness in life many times unless we experience the despair and heartbreak of life. My grandfather passing away broke my heart for a bit, but in the end it taught me about the suddness of life and living it more fully. The tough meetings I may have from time to time may be difficult and draining, but they fade and order is restored very soon. And I've realized that I can't make people show up to things they can't make time for or just don't want to be at. All I can do is let go of that and continue to push to get better at what I do with CTF.

While I'm sure that all of us will continue to walk through more valleys in our lives, we can be assured that there are peaks on the horizon. Remember, trials and tribulations will one day make way for triumphs and jubilation. Here's to seeing seeing it through the tough times so you can raise your glass for the good times.

Dr. D

What are the Good Extremes?

2011-08-22T16:58:00.001-07:00

I was sitting in a lecture by Dr. Todd Miller today at the 2011 NSCA Personal Trainer's Conference and I was struck by the topic of extreme exercise practices. As he went through various programs that were not based in any real science or any real reason to do them I was baffled by the level of extremism in our society. While we are seeing extreme exercise patterns everywhere, the same can be said for the culture at large.

Think about it....we are engulfed in a vast wasteland of extreme things these days. We have TV shows that publicize extreme family size, we have extreme fame for people with absolutely no talent, we see extreme portion sizes for meals, extreme diets, extreme superficiality and it goes on and on. It really is sad.

As my wife and I were riding in the car later today I came back to this topic that has been bothering me. I turned to my wife in the car and said why isn't there extreme levels of things like kindness? What about extreme work ethic? How about extreme follow through? Or extreme generosity? Where is this kind of extremism? The more I think about it the more I am perplexed by life that we live in today. We are experiencing somewhat of an identify crisis in our society. We are so extreme in such negatives ways that the tide will have to shift at some point.

It is my hope that the tide shifts to amazing levels of kindess, determination, grace and humility. Will that happen? It is hard to tell, but I know one thing....it will be a very slow process. Excellent behavioral practices don't make the news. Exemplary behavior is not celebrated and put on a pedestal. It is slow moving and it takes a tremendous effort from positive people to make it happen.

That's what I love about Connect to Fitness. We are small, but we can be so powerful if we make an extreme level of committment to each other and to the community at large. It is my hope and greatest dream that all of you who read this blog and who are members of CTF will recognize how important you are. What you do everyday matters. How you conduct yourself matters. Your extreme passion for helping others will leave a mark on the lives of so many people that will last for so many years. And while TV extreme shows will come and go along with other extreme things, one thing that will stay forever is your extreme love of caring for those who are in need.

Until the next time...

Dr. D

It's Not Always About Exercise

2011-08-22T16:55:00.001-07:00

One of the most fascinating things about exercise is that you get a plethora of different views from people/clients related to what they think it is. From my observations I have found that many trainers believe that exercise is about well...just that...exercise and getting people in shape. Well, I'm here to tell you that that couldn't be further from the truth. I honestly don't believe that personal training is really about exercise completely.

Let me explain further. Have you ever had a client that has stayed with you for years and you wonder why they continue to do that? Those of you who have had trainers, why do you continue to stay with a trainer for all of those years? How about when you take a class for years? I mean let's face it. Many of us can put together proper exercise sequences filled with push/pull, upper/lower, split routines, periodization, etc. And while I am a proponent of using many of those methods/sequences for exercises, I always find that in the end these things drift away and become highly secondary in the training experience.

What is number one? Simply the connection between people. The energy, the laughter, the hugs, the high fives, the difficult moments of doubt, the joys of consistency and the letters of appreciation for sticking by that person. That is what training is about. I mean do we exercise in our sessions? Hell yes! Of course we do because clients want to achieve physical goals, but I tell you I have never had a client stay with me because they just love my exercises.

How do I know that? I ask my clients how they feel about what we do each time we meet for our training experience. Yup, I don't wait to ask at special times or occassions. I just ask them, "How do you feel about me working with you? Is the training experience enjoyable? Why do you continue to train with me? I ask more questions of course, but I will tell you what each of them say.

They say this is about my heart and my mind. They say I love how we laugh and joke while still working hard. I enjoy when you tell me how much you care about me and my goals.They say, I structure my meetings around these sessions because I love the way this experience makes me feel. They mostly tell me things that honestly don't have a lot to do with "working out." So, what does this mean? I believe it means that people are being people. They want a connection with another person on an appropriate level. They want to know that you are invested into their heart as much as you're invested into their body. Hell, I beleive that for many people training is more of social and emotional experience than it is an exercise experience.

Case in point, my client this morning asked me while we were doing step ups, "Darian, what makes a trainer a bad trainer?" I told her straight up..."A bad trainer is one who is desperate for your money, eager to talk about themselves and only focused on your physical progress." My client thought for a second and nodded in agreement. She said, "my past trainers never cared about me. They seemed to give me impossible things to do and they just didn't seem interested in learning about me."

Don't we all just want someone to care about us? Again, it can't just be about exercise! I can't just be about the latest and greatest class or piece of equipment. It can't be about knowing the origin and insertion of each muscle or spouting off about how much you think you know about training. And it can never be about the power you have over another person in telling them what to do. It is about the power of love and respect for others as they make the journey to improve all aspects of themselves. As a trainer you can serve as a tremendous vehicle for change in others and in the process you will see the change in yourself.

Ask yourself this, "Why isn't your training business as successful as it should be?" Do you really care about your clients or do you really care about getting paid? Money is a byproduct of both the psychological and physiological investment you make into your clients. Without that you are just going through the motions with your clients and I promise you they will see right through that.

I'll end it off with this. When I hear other people talking about trainers they love they always make comments that have to do with everything, but training. When people tell me about Dr. Michael Norwood they say he is such a great man. When they tell me about Charles Ware they say Charles is so funny and he has a great heart. When clients at Club Ridges tell me they like Cole Orgill they say Cole is funny and charismastic. We have a good time. When I hear people talk about Troy Meier they say Troy is a stand up guy and an honest person. Listen, I meet so many people each month because of this wonderful thing called Connect to Fitness. I hear about so many people and what they do as trainers. Nothing makes me happier when I get feedback about trainers like the one's I mentioned. I could care less if you are the smartest trainer or have the most advanced exercises. And listen, I have my PhD, but it means nothing if I don't care about the people I work with.

My hope is that when people/clients talk about me as trainer that they tell me that their experience training with me brought them joy, laughter and for one hour an escape from everything that was bothering them. I hope they say that I truly care about them because I so very much do. That's what counts...

Until next time...

Dr. D

Help with No Return

2010-08-29T11:01:00.001-07:00

Meeting after meeting, time and time again I am surprised by the silence. Surprised by the lack of follow up on the offer. Yup, people can't seem to believe it. Must be too good to be true I've heard. And then after we are done and time has passed I've realized that this is a true rarity in the world.

What would that be? Helping others without asking for anything in return. In my travels as the founder/director of Connect to fitness I have had my share of meetings with many of my colleagues. Some I have known for years and some I have never laid eyes upon. When I have meetings with people I make it a point to always ask how I can help the people I am sitting in front of. I ask them what I can do to help grow their business or help them find a job. And I always tell people that I don't want anything in return. I tell them that my help is free and without any strings attached. After all, giving back should never be about doing favors and getting them back. The true heart of giving is built upon seeking nothing back.

However, what is sad is that I frequently run into folks who just can't seem to wrap their mind around the fact that I mean what I say. There are the faces that leer at me with disbelief. And I'm sure when I leave there are conversations that go something like this..."no way he could be for real...what's the catch?"

The catch? No catch my friends. But, just so you know why I am the way I am I think everyone deserves to know why I want to help you without return. In my mid 20's I finally made the long journey back to my relationship with the Lord. I had fallen away for some time before that, but always knew that He was leading me back to him so that I could realize the potential that was inside of me as a human being. After re-establishing my relationship with the Lord I dedicated myself to creating something that would have a heart of service towards others. And the key was to have a heart of service without looking for anything in return. My reward would be the success others experienced. My reward would be the increase in self-esteem someone got when they found a job because of a job lead I provided them. My reward was going to be the grace that was bestowed upon the people who reached their hands out for help. The reward would the be community created with a bunch of people who raised their hands and said "We want to be part of something that is bigger than ourselves." That is powerful!

And I'm happy to say that Connect to Fitness is quickly on its way to creating new beginnings and new hearts for fitness professionals. I'm so grateful for everyone who has thrown their hat in the ring and decided to be a part of this growing movement for fitness professionals in Las Vegas. Still, I recognize that the path will continue to be filled with challenges. It will be long and it will be hard sometimes.

Why? Because people have a hard time accepting help without a favor in return. As a society the standard is I do something you for you and you do something for me. Well, where has that attitude gotten us? Nowhere. We have become a people who are scared to commit to others because we don't want them to have the upper hand on us.Or we don't want to feel like we owe somebody something. You don't owe anything when real help is given to you. The debt has been paid because real help never sends you an invoice for services rendered.

Thanks for your time everyone. Until next time...

Dr. D

"Hard Work"

2010-08-08T14:58:00.000-07:00

As I sat and watched the 2010 NFL Hall of Fame Inductions, I was inspired by a common theme throughout each of the speeches by both the inductees and the people who were presenting them for induction. That common theme was two words...hard work. It is a phrase I am familiar with because it was preached to me by my father and mother from a very early age. I can remember my father telling me when I was a very young child that you must always hustle and work hard.

My brother and I played sports our whole lives and I can remember how passionate he was about making sure that we represented our family in a positive and workman like way. There was no such thing as shortcuts or taking plays off. My Dad would take my brother and I to the gym with him when we were growing up and we would watch his incredible work ethic as he lifted weights and played all types of sports on Army bases all over the world. Not only were we being told we needed to work hard, my Dad SHOWED us what that meant. He hustled after every loose ball on the basketball court, dove to the ground to return the ball during racquetball games, ran as hard as he could on a routine ground out to first base in baseball, was ferocious in his conditioning and technique in football and he was a great leader of his men when he was at work. My dad retired after 25 plus years in the military as a full bird colonel. He was respected and loved by those men he was in charge of. My dad was and still is the epitome of excellence in all things. He breathes hard work.

My mother showed me how to be relentless with school work and in relationships with others. I remember coming home from school and my mother greeting my brother and I in the kitchen and telling us that we could not go outside until our school work was done. Play happened when you took care of your business first. No matter how much my brother and I begged our mother to let us go outside, she was not having it! It was work hard first then go play. And my mother was awesome with play too! One of my fondest memories of hard work was when my mother would come out to play backyard baseball with me and my friends. We had ghetto bases like electrical boxes, skateboards and rocks in this huge outdoor area in one our of military stops in Dale City, Virginia. My mom would get a base hit and run those "bases" as hard as she could. That memory still inspires me to this day.

One of my other hard work inspirations is my mentor, Dr. Challace McMillin. If you've read one of my previous blogs you will have noticed that I mentioned Dr. McMillin as one of the great inspirations in my life for his zest for life in regards to mental toughness and passion for his work. What I also remember about Dr. McMillin was his tremendous gym work ethic. I used to help run the faculty and staff fitness center at James Madison University as a part of my graduate assistantship during my Master's Degree. I would come to open the gym around 6:30am. I would put the key into the lock and noticed it was open already. At first I wondered who could be in there, but after a while I got used to the fact that it was Dr. McMillin in there working his butt off. I'd walk in and put my stuff down and see Dr. McMillin in the zone on the stair climber. he was drenched in sweat and breathing hard. It was the stuff of legends in how hard he was working. There was no way he could work any harder. He would then hit the weights super hard and go clean up to go upstairs to start his day as one of the most respected and loved professors in the Kinesiology Department at JMU.

What's so sad about today's society is that we are losing that sense of hard work. And in particular, I see it all the time in the gym. People who claim to workout, but aren't willing to give it their best in order to claim a high level of fitness. Infomercials are littered with gimmicks and shortcuts for fitness. What's up with the laziness? Why are people trying the latest fads to find a new level of fitness? Why are people afraid to push their bodies to a new limits to see what they can achieve? I guess I'm old school about it. However, this attitude of not working hard is apparent in all parts of life, not just the gym.

When I see many parents today I just shake my head in disgust. They would rather be friends with their kids rather than do the hard work of raising their kids. What about the hard work required to move up in your job? I can't tell you how many times I have seen co-workers of mine throughout the years settle for mediocrity and then complain about why they aren't getting a raise or a promotion. Do your job and do it better than everyone else and then you can expect some great returns.

The choice is yours. If you live a life where you put very little into it then you will get very little out of it. Hard work is the great equalizer because when everyone else is taking a day off or cutting corners there is someone out there who is giving it everything to reach that mountain top you want to climb. If you want to the best the best you have to work like you want to be the best.

Let me tell you something...there is no rest in my game. I just received a promotion with the company I work for, WTS International. I am humbled and honored by this promotion, but I'm already thinking and working like crazy to move up again. I can't stop because the pursuit of excellence is never ending. I want to be the best manager and corporate employee in the company, but I know I can't accomplish this unless I do everything in my power to be the best and that means working my hardest to making it happen.

I'll leave you guys with this. When I was working with a colleague of mine, Riley Ross, back in Kansas at Pinnacle Career Institute, we used to have some pretty deep and rewarding conversations. We talked about life, God and of course personal training. One day Riley puts up on the dry erase board the letters "HW." Seeing it I asked Riley what HW was. He goes well, "HW is the best supplement I've ever seen. It has virtually no side effects and tremendous reward." Now, me being a non-supplement guy, I was like here goes another stupid supplement someone is pumping. And even more I was surprised that my close friend was pumping it up so much since we had pretty much the same philosophy on life and exercise. However, when I asked Riley what it stood for he said, "Hard Work." Well said Riley. Well said.

Until next time everyone.

Dr. D

The Bottom Line Is Running out of Time

2010-07-31T11:52:00.000-07:00

Ask yourself this...what type of work environment do you feel suits an employee the best? Seriously, take some time to think about that. I can tell you that in my opinion a great work environment is one that allows its employees to have a sense of freedom, ownership and fun. Employees need to feel wanted and cared for. Employees want to feel relaxed and playful. Employees want to work hard and be rewarded for their commitment and loyalty to a company. Doesn't that sound like a great work environment and job? Of course it does because it meets your most basic needs as a person. Does a bottom line based job provide these opportunities? No and that's why that culture is not conducive to long term employment. The bottom line mentality turns employees off and eventually pushes them out the door. Great companies recognize people are your best product.

Take for instance a company like Southwest Airlines. Despite these rough economic times Southwest Airlines is still seeing tremendous growth and expansion. This is due to Herb Kelleher, co-founder of Southwest Airlines and his team's philosophy towards making Southwest a success. Check out this excerpt from an article in International Herald Tribune in 2008 in which Herb Kelleher was interviewed about the success of Southwest Airlines:

“Over the years, whenever reporters would ask him the secret to Southwest’s success, Kelleher had a stock response. “You have to treat your employees like customers,” he told Fortune in 2001. “When you treat them right, then they will treat your outside customers right. That has been a powerful competitive weapon for us.” As he stepped away from the company this week, his line didn’t change. “We’ve never had layoffs,” he told me the day before the annual meeting, sitting on the couch of the single messiest executive office I’ve ever seen. “We could have made more money if we furloughed people. But we don’t do that. And we honor them constantly. Our people know that if they are sick, we will take care of them. If there are occasions or grief or joy, we will be there with them. They know that we value them as people, not just cogs in a machine.”

Or take the mentality of a billion dollar company such as Zappos.com. Tony Hsieh, CEO of Zappos.com, provides powerful insight into the unique atmosphere of happiness involved in working for Zappos while taking questions from an audience.

"Audience: How do you manage work-life balance. Zappos lets you take a vacation whenever you want. And that’s great, but we’re a five-person company.

Hsieh: We do have a vacation policy. Netflix might be the one that does that. A lot of other companies talk about figuring out work-life balance. For most companies, that implies that work must suck so you need a life on the outside. At Zappos, we’re more focused on creating a lifestyle. We don’t think about it as one or the other. Most Zappos employees leave work and hang out with other Zappos employees. We tell people when we hire them that they should be spending 10 to 20 percent of the time outside work with other employees.

Audience: What makes Zappos different?

Hsieh: It’s the relationship that customers have with us. If you ask them, they have a pretty emotional response. What we find is that customers are usually very enthusiastic about us. It’s not any one thing we do. It comes back to our culture. Employees come up with ideas all the time that I would never think about. It’s pretty cool that once you have the culture and everyone understands the vision, everything sort of takes care of itself.

Hseih goes on to say in the article that his philosophy is that he hires employees to stay, not leave. He also says that employees stay and contribute to a company positively if they have constant growth in the company.

Zappos and Southwest Airlines are two companies who do a great job putting employees first versus having the bottom line come first. While the bottom line first mentality may increase your profits it will decrease employee dissatisfaction, which will in turn lead to high turnover rates.

Speaking of high turnover, if you are part of a company that constantly has high turnover rates and you are starting work with 10-15 other people then run like hell! Companies like this foster the bottom line mentality rather than the employee centered mentality. For all of you fitness professionals out there think about personal training in commercial/sales based companies like Equinox and 24 Hour Fitness. In those jobs it is hit your quota or you are fired. What's up with that? Or what's up with selling supplements and products that you don't believe in? And you wonder why there are always job postings for work available at those places. It is not because they are great places to work. It is because they are always firing people or people are quitting because the culture and condition of employment just flat out stink.

When you walk in to interview for a job you want to hear that employees love what they do. You want to hear that employees feel cared for and that fun is not encouraged, but required along with hard work and dedication. You want to know that when you come to work you can be yourself and not a fake representation of yourself in order to accomplish your work responsibilities.

I have made it my mission as the General Manager of Club Ridges to instill an employee first approach to our business model. I truly believe our successful bottom line and efficiency is because we hire the right people and make the environment fun yet challenging for them. I thought I would share some things with you, the reader, about how we have become a very successful club and how that has very little to do with focusing on the bottom line. Here's some things that work for Club Ridges to make our employees feel wanted and cared for:

1. Expectations

We have worked very hard to create a fun and detail driven work environment at Club Ridges. One way we have done this is by providing expectations of the execution of job duties. Employees know what the level of detail and precision that is expected of them yet they also understand that they have the freedom to improvise job duties as needed based on the situations that arise at the club.

2. Bi-Weekly Meetings

Our management team at Club Ridges spends over a fourth of our time having agenda based meetings on a bi-weekly basis with our staff. In these meetings we discuss plans for improvement and encourage and praise our staff for providing great services to the residents of the community we work in. Communication is a must in any relationship and so is face time. You just have to have that with your employees. Additionally, we always end off the meeting by asking our employees to evaluate how management is doing in our jobs and how we can improve our performance. We just can't spin the mirror in their direction...it has to be spun our way as well.

3. Scheduled Fun Time

Jamee and I plan and personally finance two large Club Ridges employee gatherings/parties each year. Spending our own money to promote fun and happiness amongst employees is something we love to do. We want to invest into our awesome people who make our lives easier by doing a great job at work. The gatherings also create a wonderful sense of camaraderie and joy between employees. Additionally, we regularly meet up with staff outside of work at happy hours in Summerlin as another way to strengthen the bonds between us . Much like Tony Hseih's model, we believe that great work environments are also formed outside of the work environment.

4. Education

We conduct a monthly professional development with our personal training staff (which comprises most of our staff) to make sure that they are up to date on the latest peer-reviewed research in the fitness, health and wellness industry. We believe employees who have educational opportunities at work feel more confident in their job duties.

5. "All In"

While this may not be possible at some jobs due to various rules, etc. we promote an "all in" approach with our employees. This approach is simple...become a part of the lives of the people we serve. As long as they are executing their job duties as expected, our employees are highly encouraged to do things like take group exercise classes with residents and personal train each other at work. While some facilities frown upon things like this, we believe that customers and employees need to develop trust and communication between each other. If we talk about being fit and also show them we are doing that with each other and with them then we become even more credible to residents. In fact, we regularly have residents ask employees to take class with them or even sit and have coffee them while discussing current events. We go "all in" and it has really created a unique and rewarding culture for employees and residents.

I truly believe this approach has worked tremendously for us at Club Ridges/WTS International. I am happy to say that we rarely have any job openings at Club Ridges! People rarely leave once they start and if they do leave it is because they were promoted within our company or moved on to another great opportunity for themselves. I want that for all of you. Find a work place that will not only love your work skills, but you as a person as well.

I know it can be scary. Times are tough out there and jobs are hard to come by and by all means be smart. However, don't wither away in a situation that will suck the life out of your love for what you do and don't stay around for a pot of monetary gold. When I moved from Kansas back to Vegas in May 2007 I was flat out broke. I'm talking only a few hundred dollars to my wife and I's account. I had a decent job financially back in Kansas, but was very unhappy with the work environment I was in. I was not cared for and I was disrespected regularly. I had enough of it and sacrificed big time in order to find a great work environment. I took over a $15,000 pay cut and started entry level with WTS. However, I didn't care about the money because for once I was finally happy in a professional job that really cared about me. Over the years I have been able to move up rather quickly in a company that rewards you for great performance and having a caring personality. I can't see working for another company other than WTS.

I'll leave you with this...a great example of how the bottom line and people who promote it break people in jobs. My wife had a great job and the previous management really praised her efforts yet challenged her enough to keep her interested on a daily basis. New management came on board and proceeded to decrease staff morale and focus on numbers and money. What was once a great job turned into a nightmare all because of a change in who ran the facility and their bottom line mentality. Recently, my wife put in her two weeks notice at that job. However, while she was doing that she was offered a new job in a smaller and less fancy work environment. What was fun to hear was when my wife accepted the job offer from the lady who interviewed her the lady screamed on the phone in joy because she was so happy that my wife was coming to work at their facility.

Now that's feeling wanted. That's feeling cared for and when my wife talked further with the lady she said "we have a great team here and we get along very well. It is a challenging job, but we all stick together and help each other." Don't you want someone to fall in love with your employment at a job? Don't you want some to jump up and down because you work at their place? Of course you do! And guess what...if you commit to a employee centered approach your bottom line will become healthier because happy employees help keep customers happy as well.

Until the next time!

Dr. D

Happiness is a Waterfall

2010-07-17T21:35:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had that feeling inside you of true gratification and satisfaction? You know...the feeling that something you did made someone else's life just a little easier. That feeling that someone else was able to smile in a hard time or feel worthy when everything else is not going so well. Let me ask you this...when you feel this way doesn't it make you want to do greater things and help more people? Of course you do because happiness is a waterfall.

Happiness is a waterfall? Think about it. When you are truly happy your happiness trickles down to others. You become better in all phases of your life. Today I was able to talk to some wonderful people at our Connect to Fitness networking event at Professional Fitness Institute. Over the course of a five hour period I had the humbling experience of talking to some really cool and down to earth people. Everyone seemed happy and open to move towards a future that in many cases they can't see right now. However, they showed up and took a chance by talking to various fitness, health and wellness employers and it is going to pay off for them. They are on the path to true happiness because they planted the seed into their future. As long as they water that seed it will grow and flourish.

They will be happy because that seed will blossom into a job opportunity, steady work and a wonderful career. It might not be tomorrow, but if they hang in there it will happen. And the result? They will be better people because they invested into their professional life. If you are happy in your job then you are better in all parts of your life. You will become a better father, a better mother, husband, wife, a better son, a better daughter, neighbor, co-worker, etc. That's right happiness is a waterfall that splashes upon all those who take a ride on it.

What I love about what I do is that I am in regular contact with the happiness of life because I meet so many people who want to seek it. Their happiness is contagious and beautiful. It is magnetic and vibrant. When I see someone get a job and love what they do it just lights up my life. There's no better feeling than to see others enjoy their life. Happiness is a waterfall....

Until next time.

Dr. D

Be a Part of Your Life!

2010-07-10T18:24:00.000-07:00

One of the funniest things to this day about Las Vegas is a phenomenon I call "The Complacency of Home." In Las Vegas it is common to meet many folks who never ever leave "their side of town" to visit any other part of Vegas or the close by surrounding areas. People I talk to always tell me..."well, where I live I have everything I need. There are places to eat, parks and other cool things." While I can agree with that somewhat, I think to myself where is everyone's sense of adventure and wonderment. Funny thing is that many kids have a tremendous grasp on this concept, but we adults are miserable at it. Why? Because we like to stay in our comfort zone and not venture out of our friendly confines to see what else is out there in our lives.

So, I say..."Be a Part of Your Life!" That's right! It is not just about traveling, but about your life as a whole. Traveling is just one aspect of being a part of your life. It is understandable that traveling can be expensive to go places that are far away and very exotic. However, with some great planning and a fun imagination you can experience so many things just in your town. For those of you who live in Vegas try something that is not on the strip for once. How about The Springs Preserve, Floyd Lamb State Park, Valley of Fire, Red Rock Canyon, Mt. Charleston, Off-Strip Casinos, Farmer's Markets and the list goes on and on. It's out there...go grab it!

Being a Part of Your life means investing into great experiences in your life. You have to be active and present in your life for that to happen. Think about it this way...whether you do nothing or something next week, next month and next year will march on by. Don't you want to do make your life count? Of course you do! There's so many ways to do that, but you have to get our there and be a part of the life that has been given to you.

Being a part of your life also means loving those around you without hesitation, moving towards your goals and dreams honestly and finding the strength and courage to get back up when things aren't going so great. Your focus, intensity and time are ready for you to take charge. You can either sit back and let time pass you by or you can be a part of your life and take it by the reigns. You don't have to be rich to live a life full of quality experiences and joy. All you have to do is make up your mind to run towards the life you want because if you don't...your life will run past you.

Thanks for your time everyone!

Dr. D

Remember the Times

2010-06-20T10:19:00.001-07:00

As I sit here in Stafford, Virginia getting ready to leave my parent's house on Father's Day, I am reminded of how strong memories are. Since I've been back to my parent's house for vacation, I have been able to reflect upon a lifetime of memories as I spent time with my brother, my parents and my grandparents. The memories started when we visited Luray Caverns on Thursday. As we headed down to Luray Caverns I was reminded of the first time I went there with my parents over 20 years ago. We talked about that first time going there and how special it was. Now, over 20 years later we were entering the building that led us to the caverns. I got a chance to talk to my mom and my dad as we walked through the caverns. I got the chance to see my wife's face as she was in complete awe of the caverns. I had my family there and we shared in the majesty of one of the more secret wonders of the world.

We traveled from Luray Caverns to my alma mater James Madison University. We drove through campus and I gave everyone a play by play tour of my greatest memories when I was there as a student. We then went and ate dinner at my favorite Japanese Steakhouse in town, Kyoto. While we were only in Harrisonburg, VA for an hour it was nostalgic and special.

The next day my brother came to my parent's house from Maryland and we headed to the movie theaters to watch Karate Kid in a VIP movie theater section where they served beer, wine, etc. It was so nice and fun. Movies were a big part of my childhood. I remember getting to the movies an hour early with my Dad and sitting and talking with him. That was our time as father and son to catch up on life. I loved it. When we got back to the house, my brother and I ended up throwing the baseball and football around in the yard, which channeled our former life as athletes in high school and college. As we threw the ball back and forth we just talked and remembered about those years striving to be the best athletes possible. It was a great time spent doing what we love.

On Saturday, my grandparents came up from Petersburg, VA and I was immediately reminded how my grandparents have always been there for me my whole life. Graduations, birthdays, etc. They have been a constant for me and my brother. We ate at a place called Firebirds for a father's day dinner and my wife and I were able to announce to everyone that we were accepted into the Catholic Charities Adoption program. Everyone was so happy and excited as hopefully next Father's Day I will be a dad to a beautiful newborn child whose life will be changed forever with Shel and I entering into this program. Somewhere out there right now is a child developing in the womb of a birthparent who will become our son or daughter. That is a powerful thought! As we wrapped up Dinner it was nice to relax on the drive home and reminisce about the past.

When we got back to my parent's house we headed outside again and my Dad, my brother and my wife all spent time throwing the baseball and football around. With my wife out there she entered into the Parker tradition of sports and life. I taught Shel how to catch a baseball and football and she was so happy. It was a warm and kind time out in the night sky of Virginia. As we headed into the house my brother and I sat in the library in my parent's house and we talked for four hours about life, music, love and our futures. We have epic talks when we get back together and this one was no different. I learn so much about my brother and I believe he learns a lot about me during these talks. At 4:30am in the morning we retired for the evening.

We got up in the morning and took some pictures with the whole family and it was at that moment that my life flashed back to so many of the wonderful times I had growing up. Now, while we had our challenges growing up, it was overwhelmingly a wonderful and beautiful time. It was also at that moment that I realized that life is so short.

The passage of time is amazing. We've all gotten older and we all live in different states. When we get together it is a magical moment because we don't know when it will happen again. One thing that is for sure is that time will march on and we will one day all fade into the twilight of our lives and eventually pass on. When I think about that it gives me shivers and I begin to feel tears forming in my eyes. I love the people in my life and I celebrate their place in my life. However, I also know that nothing lasts forever on this earth so I love the time that I have with those people who are special to me in my life.

And that is why I reminisce and remember about the times that we have had and look forward to times we will have. Life can be fleeting...it could be gone tomorrow so that is why my wife and I travel as much as we can. It is why we love as much as we can and help others as much as we can because really...what is your life about if you have not given to it fully and joyfully?

Remember your blessings, remember your triumphs, remember and learn from your failures and remember to live your life like it will be gone because in the end....it will be one day.

Thank you to every one for reading this and sharing in my memories of my family on Father's Day. May you all be blessed.

Until the next time...

Dr. D

Other People...Your Greatest Investment

2010-06-07T23:27:00.000-07:00

I turned on the TV and saw that legendary college basketball coach and human being John Wooden had passed away at 99 years old. As I watched Sportscenter I heard many of his former players talk about how Coach Wooden was a great person because he served others. I also learned that Coach Wooden never made more than $32,500 a year coaching the UCLA Bruins to 10 NCAA Championships. And you know what? Coach Wooden need not worry about how much he made because to him his greatest source of joy was his investment in other people. He taught players how to live a quality life. He taught values and morals and because of that he produced some of the most successful human beings in his day. All because he chose to invest into the greatness of others who were in his life.

I often think about the investment that people make into each other these days. And why? Well, because investments are self-serving by many people these days. We'll climb over others to see our own success. We'll push someone down so that we can stand and get what we think we deserve. However, I've never met a person who was out for themselves solely that truly hit it big in life. You see, while you may not get rich monetarily investing into to others, you will certainly become rich in your heart and that feels better than any compensation you can receive.

Over the past few years I have been so fortunate that many people have allowed me to serve them and help them grow their personal and professional success. I've seen people with no hope come full circle and help others find hope in themselves. I've seen people who are broken help make someone else whole and in term heal themselves. I've seen people with nothing give to others who have everything. Investing into others is magical and always feels like something bigger than one's self.

I think that's why I love my job so much at Club Ridges. I get the great opportunity to not only serve our residents of The Ridges, but also my staff. My staff is like anyone else in the world. They are trying to live and be productive people. There are great times and challenging times, but in the end we are close knit group and we care about each other. We serve each other and because of that we have experienced unprecedented success.

You also can experience that as well by sitting down with another person and asking how you can contribute to their well being and success? Invest in a genuine and real way and watch your blessings grow. You know...the real and honest truth is that you get out of life what you put back into it. If you invest kindness, compassion, generosity and love into life then that is what you will get back. If you invest selfishness and greed into life then you will get that in return. So ask yourself...have you given to someone else to see their fortunes grow or are you just looking out for yourself?

Until next time...

Dr. D

Are You Willing to Pay the Price?

2010-05-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in my office talking to one of my favorite people in the world, Jessica Dillon. Jessica is about to move from Las Vegas to Florida to embark upon a wonderful new life and job. She is so excited and ready to see what awaits her and I couldn't be happier for her. During our chat I told Jessica I was very proud of her, but not for the obvious reasons. I told her I was proud of her because she went from someone who was down and out over three years ago to someone now who has stepped up to the plate in her life. In the past Jessica let life happen to her, but now she is making life happen. One of the keys to her success is that she made a decision about what she wanted to do with her life professionally and then she paid the price to make that happen.

Jessica, who initially wanted a full time fitness career figured out that her true passion was in children's ministry. So, Jessica worked a children's ministry job at the church we both attend that didn't give her a considerable amount of hours or money. She also went ahead and did a volunteer church job in order to gain more experience. Finally, she stepped down from her full time job in order to free up time to pursue her undeniable passion in the field of children's ministry. Jessica wasn't afraid to take a risk and move towards her real professional passion. Again, she paid the price and the question we have to ask ourselves is have we done that in our own lives?

I know I can relate to Jessica's journey. In fact while she was in some of her dark period, I was her personal training instructor at Pinnacle Career Institute in Lawrence, Kansas. During that time I was going through a professional crisis myself. I had a job that I really enjoyed, but I knew that it would not fulfill my long terms goals as a fitness professional. I adored my personal training students, however, I had to make a choice...stay and settle for an average existence or leave with nothing to lean on and see what I can do to better myself. I had safety back in Kansas, but that was nothing if I couldn't become the professional I wanted to be there. So, my wife and I left Kansas and moved back to Las Vegas with nothing in the way of job leads or money...nothing. We spent the majority of our money moving back to Las Vegas. My wife was working home health and that wasn't working out too well either. We were pretty much broke and struggling to stay afloat. However, I never second guessed the decision for us to come back to Vegas. I knew my life had a greater potential and some employer would notice that. I started anew again....no program director title or manager of others. Nope, I started out at Club Ridges making very little money and training just a few people here and there. However, three years later, I am the General Manager of Club Ridges and am on the path to even greater pastures with the company I work for. I never wavered once, ever. I knew my life was meant for something bigger and there's more to come.

Friends...you can live your passions as well. However, what is required is moving towards that passion and then paying the price for it. So many times we are scared or hesitant to make life happen because we want to be safe where we are even if where we are is not good for us. There's more out there for you, but you have to be willing to sacrifice and commit to the process. You see our fortunes both personally and professionally are tied to our willingness to close our eyes and trust in the life that we might not be able to see, but that is ready for us to grab a hold of. You are meant to be happy and to flourish in your life. Not to be miserable and downtrodden. Still, if you want greatness, if you want passion, if you want success then you have to be willing to give everything in your power to make that happen.

As I walked Jessica out of the door of Club Ridges I thought how different this young woman looked from the woman I first met in my classroom when she was 20 years old. Now 24, I watched Jessica walk out the door of Club Ridges and into her new life. One...that she earned because she paid the price.

Are you willing to pay the price for what you want?

Dr. D

EQ...not IQ

2010-05-10T22:06:00.000-07:00

I remember it so clearly....I was presenting at the Behavioral Analysis Conference in Boston, Massachusetts during my first year as a doctoral student. My doctoral advisor at the time came and listened my presentation. We chatted after the presentation and he gave me some decent feedback. He then began to do his presentation and all I can remember about the presentation were the words that came out of my wife's mouth...."What the heck is your advisor talking about? Who talks like that?"

What my wife was referring to was how my former advisor used the biggest words possible to try to impress upon the audience the seriousness and intellectual superiority of his research. It swear like every sentence was a showcase for his vocabulary. He seemed to always try to do that and I never understood why. IQ is important, but I'm willing to put it all on the line for the argument that emotional intelligence is far more important in life. It is EQ....not IQ that creates a tidal wave of positive life changes.

Its funny ya know....in my life people here and there make a big deal out of me having my doctorate. Now don't get me wrong. I worked hard for this degree. 10 and half years worth! However, it does not define me nor will it ever. Just because I have "Dr." in front of my name doesn't mean that I'm super smart or highly intelligent. My intelligence is not linked to how smart I am, but in how well I treat and care about others. And to be honest, I really just have very average intelligence. I never was in honor's classes or had the highest GPA. I didn't have a high SAT score and my GRE's were average at best. However, I have excelled in an area that is hard to measure. I have excelled in outworking the next person and in creating tremendous loyalty and care among those around me. That's power....that's emotional intelligence. While my Doctorate may in some instances opened doors for me initially, it is my actions as a human being that will keep those doors open or shut them.

See you have to ask yourself...what good is it to be highly intelligent if you are emotionally void? What good is it to have a Ph.D, M.D, Ed.D, JD or any other high ranking credential if you can't connect with people on an emotional level? That's why I love being a manager. At Club Ridges I have the greatest honor in helping to motivate and care for the people that work for me. My staff is unique, hard working and very kind. I have the pleasure in leading them and they teach me how to become a better boss. We care for each other, we laugh with each other and we are there for each other through good and bad times. We say things like "I care about you," I'm proud of you," and "you are worthy and you are good enough." I promise you...if you fill others with a sense of emotional stability and worth then they will work their guts out for you. They will lay it down for you because you reached a place inside them that no one else thought to explore.

While your mind is powerful and amazing and does much to advance you in the eyes of society, your heart and your soul does much to advance yours and other's personal well being.

Let Your Heart Wear the Crown, Not Your Head....

Until the next time.

Dr. D

Who Inspired You?

2010-05-02T10:26:00.000-07:00

I got up this morning with nothing in mind, but to make some cinnamon rolls for my wife, drink some coffee and head off to church. After all of those things were done I was home looking through some junk mail and saw the new issue of Madison sitting on my kitchen counter top. Madison is the official magazine of my alma mater James Madison University. A university that I am so deeply proud and grateful to have graduated from with my Bachelor's and Master's degrees in Kinesiology. I'm sure like many former and current JMU Dukes, they read the magazine with a great sense of pride and loyalty to such a wonderful university. This is a university where students come first and professors truly foster meaningful mentor-ships with students so they can go out into the world to foster meaningful lives for themselves and others. This leads me to what really struck me about this particular issue of Madison. In this issue I was struck by the emphasis on headline that read..."Professors You Love."

As soon as I read that I was taken back to my time at JMU. I think I can honestly say that I truly loved all of the professors who I had classes with in the Kinesiology Department at JMU. Dr. Goldberg was my first introduction into the department and his kind personality immediately made me feel comfortable there. He still makes me feel comfortable whenever I visit JMU today. I also loved talking to Joyce Plymale who was the first person you saw when you went to request a meeting with Dr. Goldberger. She was always so kind and caring.

Dr. Keller helped me understand motivational techniques and theories and how to integrate them into everyday life. She also challenged us to teach the material to each other to make it mean something more than what was in a book.

Dr. Saunders instilled in me a love for the physiology of the human body and everyday exercise in some way, shape or form. I also remember how he had us volunteer our time at a nursing home in the town next to Harrisonburg, called Bridgewater. It was for a class called Exercise and the Older Adult. My volunteer experience in that nursing home helped me fall in love with serving others.

Dr. Ham provided me with knowledge of recreational facility development and management. He also provided me with confidence when asking me to write a graduation poem for his wife.

Dr. Williams pushed me to become a better teacher by pouring into me the principles of curriculum development and trusting my abilities. Dr. Williams also was a professor who comforted me tremendously when 9/11 happened and I didn't know if my Dad was dead or alive in the Pentagon.

Dr. Slattery's philosophy course gave me new perspective on how I approached the things I ought or ought not to do. Her courage through health issues also gave me strength to push on during tough times during my collegiate studies.

Dr. Flohr...well Dr. Flohr made me believe that I could apply for Doctoral Studies. I asked her one day in her office if she thought I was smart enough to get my doctorate and without blinking she said "of course you are. All it takes is perseverance and you have that."

Dr. Carr pushed me very hard in our sports and exercise law class to look outside of the box in our profession and he praised me when I came to class one night after studying my butt off all night to answer his very difficult sports and exercise law questions.

Dr. Todd took me aside in one of his classes and told me he wanted to reward my efforts of paying attention in class and sitting in the front each class. He told me that effort meant so much to him. To this day I reward effort with my employees because of him. Dr. Todd believed in my love of writing poetry and confided in me in his love of writing as well.

And Professor that I connected with most and whose voice still resonates deep within my soul everyday is Dr. Challace McMillin. Dr. McMillin was one of my professors, my mentors and to this day still a dear friend. Dr. McMillin fired me up every class with his passion for coaching and life. He breathed motivation, determination and commitment. I give the "focus and refocus speech" to my employees and colleagues today. Dr. McMillin changed my life and helped me become the man I am today. He took me under his wisdom and shared with me the wisdom of his incredible experiences in academia and sports.

Oh and while this person was not one of my professors, he was also pivotal in my development as a person. Bill Walton was my track and field coach for four years at JMU and was taught me how to respect myself and others through my participation as a track and field athlete. Coach Walton saw my leadership capabilities and made me team captain and him doing that gave me more confidence in myself than he will ever know.

All of these wonderful people are me and I am them because they inspired me to want more for my life. They were the people who took care of me when I left home for college. When my parents released me into the world they picked up the tab and said let's see what kind of person you can become? They helped to guide me both personally and professionally.

As I finished reading through Madison I knew exactly what I was going to write about today for my blog. Sometimes writing comes to you in a blink of an eye and sometimes it is a long journey to get the words out. However, this one came easy because the people who inspired me are a part of my everyday thoughts and actions. I just wanted to share with you, the readers, how much they touched my life and how they still do. I know that in your life that someone or many people inspired you along your professional and personal path.

That's how James Madison University was for me. It fostered my love of life and pushed me to become a better citizen of the world. And in particular, those professors during my time there lit a flame in me that still burns incredibly bright today. I do my best today to instill in others the joy and respect that those professors instilled into me. They...inspired...me and still do.

Who inspired you?

I'd love to hear your feedback. Until next time....

Dr. D

Make Someone Feel Special

2010-04-25T20:13:00.000-07:00

I woke up on April 22nd, 2010 and it was like any other day. I awoke and gave my wife a kiss and a hug and then headed to the bathroom to brush my teether, shower, get dressed and generally get ready for the day. I decided to skip checking my e-mail messages on my blackberry because I knew I needed to walk Bob (my dog) before I left for work. When I got back from walking Bob I checked my messages and saw several notices for voice mails and several notifications for e-mails. I knew that there was going to be a busy day. I scrolled through my e-mail messages until I got to one that just really had me very emotional.

It was from my Dad. My Dad was in on a business trip in Colorado Springs, but he managed to send me a message that I would see when I woke up. My father wrote:

"Happy birthday son!!! My goodness--it seems like yesterday you were 12 years old. Now you are in your 30's with a gut in your destiny (lol). Enjoy the day and again happy birthday. I am proud to have you as a son. I am in Colorado Springs."

Dad
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

If you get past my Dad's insistence that I'm going to get a gut (not gonna happen by the way!) you can see he wrote some very nice things to me. I wrote my father back and let him know how much his words meant to me. How much his words just set me free for that day. Ever since I was a kid I've always looked up to my Dad and I still do to this day. He is my hero and his advice continues to guide me each day. My Dad...on my birthday...made me feel so special to be his son. I had a great birthday...actually probably the best that I have ever had! So many people told me some amazing and touching things and I was brought to tears several times. It was a very powerful day!

Now, why am I sharing this all with you? What is the point? Well...the point is take some time to pour into others. Inject a meaningful and warm feeling of kindness and care into other people and watch how your life will be blessed beyond what you could ever believe. You know...over the past two years I have made a commitment to investing into others and I have profited immensely in so many ways...emotionally, socially, physically, spiritually and financially.

What's the secret? Making other people feel special about who they are and helping to light a fire within them to become the best they can be. Inject a blazing fire of hope into others and watch as your life will blossom beyond your wildest dreams. Think about those folks who influenced you positively in your life. How did they make you feel? What did they do to push you in the right direction? Whatever that was...give it to someone else. If you do that I promise you that you will always be on a path towards increasing your own fortunes.

Makes someone feel special and then you will find a joy and a purpose in life that you need and that is far better than whatever you thought you wanted.

Until the next time...

Dr. D

Enjoying Simple Things

2010-04-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

It was the first time we did it...yup...we had to. It was getting unbearable and everything we did to try to not do it was not successful. We had to...turn the air condition on! It was the first time in 2010 that we had to succumb to the heat of the southwestern desert. The heat of a place we call home. Las Vegas. I have to say that I really love Las Vegas. I enjoy the energy of the Strip and take a risk attitude that people come to town with. Thousands of folks move to Vegas every month looking to make a new life. They come looking for a place to get away and create something new and exciting. I love that.

However, what I love even more than the bright lights are the places that are hidden to most people who live in Vegas. The desert holds so many secrets and pleasures that you can't find in the city. The desert carries with it a simple pleasure that hearkens back to a time when things were less complicated. I love that so much about the vast and untapped land that is out there beyond the city limits.

Today, my wife and I set off on our annual visit to the Clark County Fair in Logandale, NV, which is about 60 miles northeast of Las Vegas. We love to head out there every April because it reminds us of a slower pace. A more laid back feeling. A simpler time. Our drive up 15 North seemed to go so quickly as we chatted about a variety of subjects from our parents, our plans for children the next few years and the beautiful landscapes of the desert surrounding us. It was wonderful to have that time in the car. It was wonderful to be awed by the beauty of the Lord's hand. It was...breathtaking.

As we entered Logandale it was just as it always was. Seems like not much changes in Logandale from year to year. Same gas station, houses and fair grounds. It was nice to see. While I love the changing skyline of Vegas, it is sometimes nice to see nothing change at all. We drove up to the fairgrounds and parked in a dirt parking lot, the same one we've parked at for many years. We paid for our entrance into the fair and spent two hours eating carnival food, petting livestock, watching ax throwing competitions and just taking in the warm weather. It was awesome. When we left we decided to go a different way back home. We took all back roads and it lead us through a series of long winding roads and an epic adventure through the desert. We had peace. We had wonderment. We had a simple time. We loved it.

We got back home after a long day on the road and remarked about how beautiful a time we had. It was such a simple adventure yet it was so satisfying. It got me thinking about how we all can benefit from taking time out of our lives to be one with not only our environment, but with ourselves. Enjoying the simple things in life can be so rewarding. Take time to unplug and get in touch with your simple pleasures.

Until the next time...

Dr. D

Learning to Forgive

2010-03-20T21:46:00.000-07:00

My wife and I were watching an amazing story on 20/20 about a man who lost his wife and his daughter in a car crash. While the beginning and middle of the story were so tragic and heartbreaking, the end of it was something that was more wonderful than anything I could ever imagine. This man, this broken man was made partly whole again because he did something I never saw coming. Yup, he forgave the young man who was speeding recklessly and took the life of his wife and daughter. And he not only forgave this young man, but he took him with him around the country on speaking tours and they talked about the dangers of speeding and reckless driving together. One man whose life was ruined by another man...working together. It was just amazing to see. I remember my wife looking at me and saying that man who lost his family is a saint. He is an angel on earth. Amen to that.

I remember thinking that if this man...this man whose life was ruined completely could forgive the person who caused his wife and daughter to pass away then I could do the same in my life for any number of people in my life that have caused me pain. I know we all could do this because forgiveness is something that is in all of us. It is important to note though that forgiveness does not mean that you are releasing yourself from the memories or hurt that you feel. Nope, forgiveness means that you are releasing yourself from retaliation for the hurt that you feel.

That man whose family is now gone is not going to forget what that young man did by being reckless at the wheel. He will never forget that. However, what he did by forgiving that young man was to release himself from wanting to get back at that guy. And he took it one step furthering by mentoring the young man and changing his life for the better. How awesome is that?

We can all do that! We can all take our pain and our sorrow caused by others and turn it into something positive for ourselves and maybe even for the person who hurt us. I'm not saying it is easy, because you have to work this out in your own timing. Only you know when the time is right to forgive someone and release yourself of the revenge you might want to seek. But, I'll tell you this, forgiving someone else is one of the most powerful things you will ever do in your life. It is freeing and provides a sense of peace.

I'll leave you with this story...

Shawn Carter or more famously known as the rapper Jay-Z, helped his estranged father only months before his father died. He put his father up in a place to live and cared for him during his final months on earth. Jay-Z didn't have to do this as his father was never there for him growing up. Still, Jay made peace and forgave his father. I don't know how jay felt because I don't know him, but I can bet you he felt a sense of peace for making things right with him and his Dad. See, you would think that his father should have been the one to take the lead on this, but sometimes the son has to step up and be the bigger man. And sometimes in our lives we have to step up and be better citizens of the situations in our lives in order to make things right.

Forgiveness is freedom everyone. When it is right for you, try it on sometime and I know you will feel a weight lifted off of your shoulders.

Until next time...

Dr. D

Bring on the Love

2010-03-04T00:21:00.000-08:00

Singing...

Love
So many things I've got to tell you
But I'm afraid I don't know how
Cause there's a possibility
that you'll look at me differently
Love
Ever since the first moment I spoke your name
From then on I knew that by you being in my life
Things were destined to change cause

Love
So many people use your name in vain
Love
Those who have faith in you sometimes go astray
Love
Through all the ups and downs the joys and hurts
Love
For better or worse I still will choose you first

Oh man...I just love that song by Musiq Soulchild. I remember listening to that song for the first time some years ago and thinking how profound those words were. Think about it. Love is scary, it is breathtaking, it is nerve racking, it is beyond joy and it is heartbreaking. Love is wonderful in the best of times and gut wrenching in the worst of times. Love stands on its own because love is that powerful.

But, the real issues with love is while it is all of those things, it is also none of those things. You might be saying how can you say that? Well, love can be invisible or dormant if you forget to wear it on yourself and with others in your life. You see, the funny thing about love is that while we can trumpet its intensity and meaningfulness in our lives, we can also forget about it in our lives. How can you love if you forget about love?

That's why it is so important to bring on the love each day in different ways to other people in your life and for yourself. Let's start with yourself because truthfully if you can't love you for who you are and all the flaws you have then you can't bring the love to others fully. If you are quirky and a little out there then love it. Embrace it. If you are determined, gritty and driven then fall in love with that everyday. Don't be ashamed of who you are innately.

With others you must love by verbalizing and showing that you care. Ask yourself this...what kind of friendship do you have if you can't tell that friend how much you care about them? What kind of significant other relationship do you have if you just can't muster up the courage to be vulnerable and look that person in the eyes and speak and show a commitment to love? What kind of boss are you if you can tell your employees what they are doing wrong, but can't tell them what they are doing so incredibly right? The truth of the matter is that bringing the love begins with you, but ultimately ends with how you communicate that to others.

Your kind love and your tough love is needed when you walk out that door each day to serve all the people in your life. Now, will you mess up along the way in your journey? Of course! We are all human, but we have an amazing capacity to bring the love to so many people. However, that love cannot be lukewarm. You can't halfway love with yourself and with others. You must be in or else you'll be on the outside looking in. Love is not a light switch. It is not a TV that you turn on and off at your whim. Bringing the love means a dive into an ocean filled with still waters and wild currents. It sucks sometimes, but it is also so thrilling and joyful.

You and I have the opportunity to throw on love each day and take a chance on being free with our hearts. I'll leave you with the rest of the song...

Many days I've longed for you
Wanting you
Hoping for the chance to get to know you
Longing for your kiss
For your touch, your feel, your Presence
Many nights I've cried from the things you do
Felt like I could die from the thought of losing you
I know that you're real
With no doubts and no fears
And no questions

Love
So many people use your name in vain
Love
But,those who have faith in you sometimes go astray
Love
Through all the ups and downs the joys and hurts
Love
For better or worse I still will choose you first

At first you didn't mean that much to me, no
But now I know that you're all I need, oh
The world looks so brand new to me
Now that I found love
Everyday I live for you, yeah
And everything that I do
I do it for you
What I say is how I feel so I believe it's true
You got to know I'm true

Love
So many people use your name in vain
Love
But,those who have faith in you sometimes go astray
Love
Through all the ups and downs the joys and hurts
Love
For better or worse I still will choose you first

Dr. D

Who Are You?

2010-02-20T09:55:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite comedians of all time is Chris Rock. Chris Rock is raw and unfiltered yet he is also highly intelligent. I remember one of his stand up specials when he talked about dating. He said he hated dating because people always seemed to bring their "representatives." It got me thinking about how that can be true for most aspects of life. In this round and round dance of life we meet so many people along the way. However, have you ever asked yourself are the people you meet...well...are they really who they say they are?

I have been fortunate to meet so many special people in my life, but I have meet many folks who play a great game of poker in life. They present one set of cards when they really have something else in the cards they are keeping from you. Who are these people? Whey are they so evasive? And maybe, just maybe you should be asking that question of yourself...who are you? Do you develop relationships with others and bring the real you to the table or do you bring the you that hides in the dark and gives only glimpses of who you really are. Ask yourself another question...why would you hide?

The answer is one that lives deep inside our collective hearts as human beings. We do not want other people to judge our flaws and the actions that we have done that we are ashamed of. And to a certain extent I can see why we as people don't tell it all because telling it all and being the real you means there is nothing left to conceal. You are essentially naked emotionally. That is a very difficult road to walk, but one that I believe we all must walk in order to answer the question of who are we? Think about it. Who are you? What defines you? What drives you? What is your center? Do you even have a center? Your life, my life, our lives are about honesty, trust and a belief that we are being the person we are meant to be even if that means that we must acknowledge the people that we used to be.

I know in my life that I have experienced severe embarrassment. I have lied, I have hurt others and I have been wrong over and over again. I will not hide from it though. I will acknowledge that my flaws and my wrongdoings have made me stronger as a person. My past may have given me a sense of embarrassment from time to time, but I can't hide from it and act like it did not happen. What happened happened and in the end I am grateful to have experienced it. It has helped me become who I am today and it has helped me answer the question of who am I and who am I to others.

One of my mottos is no secrets, no lies. My wife and I have never lied to each other about the complexities of our marriage and we have never withheld any secrets. My wife knows the darkest parts of me from my past and she will experience my failures in our future and she will still love me for who I am...flaws and all. With her I am not afraid to be the mistake filled human being that I am because I am just that...human. No representatives here, no secrets, no lies. I can be me and I ask the same of those in my life.

Be real with me and be honest with me. Be honest with each other. Don't play games so people wonder who you are. Be a person of integrity, strong character and never ever be afraid to bear the truth of your transgressions to those that have your best interests at heart because if people truly love you then that does not fade. Love endures, loves conquers all that you think about while you sleep, all that you sweat about when you slip up, all that you obsess about when you hide away in your problems. Real people accept real problems are part of your life and they still care for you.

I'll leave you all with this story. My pastor at my church in Virgina told me a story that changed me forever about being open and being there for those who tell you who they really are. Pastor Dave and his family befriended a pimp who was dying from the various conditions related to his lifestyle. During the six months before this guy died, Pastor Dave and his family took this man into their lives and loved him even though he had done shameful things with women and to women. Pastor Dave and his family took this man out bowling with them and to other functions. They heard all of this man's stories about his life and what he had done. They heard horrible things, difficult things, but they never flinched. They never judged this man. You know what they did? They accepted this man. They brought him closer and they made him live up to higher expectations. They were tough on him, but always were there for him. I can remember Pastor Dave telling me this story and saying that even though this guy died eventually from his conditions that this guy lived a better and more honest life in those six months than he did in all of his years on the earth. He finally was able to be himself. No representative, no secrets, no lies. He was heart was free.

Don't you want to be free? Don't you want to have the courage to tell someone you care about all the stuff about you...the good and the bad? Don't you want to be able to show up in the lives of others in a real way even if that means you have to be tough sometimes?

Start today. No secrets, no lies. Just the truth.

Dr. D

Normal is Not Extraordinary

2010-02-14T19:04:00.000-08:00

Every week I get the opportunity to network with some pretty amazing people. The people I meet and talk with have unique stories that just blow me away. Although I am a very organized and prepared person, my meetings with people are just very organic. I don't go into meeting with people with any set plan or agenda. I just want to talk and let the conversation guide me in a sense.

One of the more interesting things that happens during the conversation is when it turns towards how I can help the other person. Most of the time the people I talk to look at me like I'm speaking a different language. Its tough because so many people I meet are so hurt by the past failures of others in their life. Because of that I find that many people are just in awe of someone who actually treats them right and makes good on the promises they make. What's sad is that in my experience in my 31 years on this earth is that people put behavior that should be normal on an extraordinary level.

Normal is saying thank you after opening the door for someone. Normal is being kind to others. Normal is doing what you say are going to do. Normal is praising someone for a job well done. These things are normal and should not be considered extraordinary.

You know what is extraordinary? Extraordinary is Efren Penaflordia, a Filipino man who pushes a cart around his neighborhood teaching kids to read. Extraordinary is Roy Foster, a military veteran that built a shelter for his fellow veterans so that they would have a place to live and be valued and respected when they hit hard times. This is extraordinary behavior. This is behavior worthy of us honoring and putting on a pedestal. Normal behavior is not extraordinary.

So, what can we do about this? First, we can meet the challenge of being kind, respectful and open to others. We can make promises to others and communicate to them if we are not able to fully meet that. Two, stop making the ordinary seem extraordinary. Expect more of yourself and you will then will reflect more on what truly is amazing in life. The pyramids of Giza and Chichen Itza are amazing. Angel's Falls in Venezuela is breathtaking and jaw dropping. These things are beyond our scope of creation and imagination. They are extraordinary.

Remember that and keep normal...normal and extraordinary...extraordinary. Until the next time...

Dr. D

We Are Connected

2010-01-31T16:43:00.000-08:00

I lay awake in my bed last night while everything was quiet and still. Michelle was sleeping soundly and so were the animals of the house, Bob (Golden Retreiver) and Winston and Marty (Cats). Alone with my thoughts I reflected up on a wonderful day that was had during our 1st Annual Connect to Fitness Mini-Conference. What a great day of connecting with old and new colleagues. What I realized while laying there was that we all are really connected. Now, I don't mean just fitness professionals, but human beings in general.

Think about it...what happens when a connection or community of any kind is frayed? Chaos and disorder occur. Case in point, if we as drivers of vehicles do not share the responsibility of driving by signaling, driving appropriate speeds, obeying traffic lights, etc. then what happens? You got it. An accident occurs and that affects all of us. Traffic ensues, lanes are cut down, roads are re-routed and the worst...people are injured or die. We are all connected. What about when you are on a team of any sort? The same rules apply. If each person on a team plays their role then there is harmony and cooperation. However, what happens when someone decides they want all the glory and want to go above the team? Yup, conflict and hard feelings ensue. That affects each person on the team, the feelings of the people who are watching the game and so on and so forth. We are all connected.

We as humans are binded by our biology and our interactions we have with different organisms and environments around us. We are a network that thrives upon the orders of things. We are a collection of people who's fortunes many times are linked by each other's actions. Those fortunes ebb and flow each day based on decision after decision that is made. So, what does this all mean? It means that we must be careful to remember that while we are unique we are also very much the same regardless of where we come from or what we look like. Working together for the greater good provides a powerful connection for everyone to benefit from both internally and externally. We should be working towards pouring into each other not taking from each other. I've said this many times in lectures and personal conversations with people...we need to build giving relationships, not taking relationships.

Give to others, be kind to others, have an open mind with others, dance and be joyful with others, laugh with others, be respectful of others, show grace to others and love others. If you connect with others on these levels then your connections will be plentiful always. We are all connected.

Until next time...

Dr. D

Master of Nothing or Master of Something?

2010-01-20T21:49:00.000-08:00

As a former teacher in both the traditional university setting and the career college setting I often had the chance to sit down with students and listen to them talk about their dreams and aspirations. One of my jobs was to try to get them to hone in on what they wanted to do for a career and move towards that. However, that was always easier said than done because as you may know, people end up doing some many different things that they never find their ultimate path to move towards. The end up doing everything under the sun and essentially they become a master of nothing.

A similar thing happens when I interview candidates for work at my fitness facility. If I see that they have no direction or goals for mastering their craft then that really sends off a red flag for me. Too many times I am bombarded with folks who are pulled in so many different directions, but really have no expertise in anything. Malcolm Gladwell, author of landmark book Outliers, discusses success and mastery in terms of the 10,000 hour rule. Gladwell explains that greatness and mastery require a tremendous amount of time and practice. Adding it all up it takes roughly 10 years for a person to gain a high level of mastery in their specific field of work. Now you might not believe this to be completely true as there are many factors besides time spent on something that determine an outcome of mastery (i.e. genetics, environments, etc.). However, one thing that I think is hard to refute is that mastery does involve intensity and direction towards a specific task. Without intensity and direction one cannot be considered an authority in anything.

So, the challenge with mastery in a specific field is that it must be given the attention that it deserves. Look at it this way. If a potential employee came to you with 15 certifications in various things or works 5 or 6 different jobs all at once how great can they realistically be at all of those things? This potential employee is a master of nothing, but wouldn't he/she rather be a master of something? How much of an authority can you be if your time is spent in 10 different places? I have had conversations with people in the past and people in the present about this and I always and they always attest that we have yet to see one person be excellent at a ton of different things.

My challenge to you is to get out there and find a few things you really want to do and make those things happen. Sacrifice for them. Be wrapped up in them for the love of it and not for the money of it. Listen, I didn't get into the fitness industry to become rich and if anybody reading this did then you are fooling yourself. You get into this business because you love people. You make peace with it and you own what you do. I know that times are tight and people are struggling, but you can make it happen even in these tough times. There is no time like the present time. I know because I went to school for 10 and a half years to get into the position I am in today. I was dirt poor throughout all the years of my schooling. I lived off of $7,000 a year and I made every single penny last while I pursued my passion for fitness, health and wellness academically and now I can be proud that I'm where I want to be professionally because I laid it down for what I wanted. I did not try to do eighteen different things or dabble in this or dabble in that. I zeroed in on what I wanted to do and made that my life's work. And you know what? I have examples of some great people in my life who have done the same.

My good friend Rob Montgomery zeroed in on being in the Air Force and many years later he is a Captain. My buddy Nick Langridge went to school for Public Relations and worked his way up through the Duke Club at our school James Madision University. He now is the Assistant to the President of JMU and I have no doubt that one day in the future he will be the President of JMU. My buddy Josh Moyer devoted his work towards being a worship leader at his church and now he has risen to putting out music with his band that is inspiring and hopeful. My brother Anthony (aka Wordsmith) started out with no resources in starting his own record label and getting his name out in the hip hop circles. Now he is one of the most recognized underground hip hop artists in America and his last mixtape was downloaded over 500,000 times and he has his own fully functioning record label. I could go on and on about amazing people I know that made the decision to run with something they loved to do and now they are super successful. Did each of these people struggle on their way to their current roles? Of course they did. That is part of the beautiful struggle in life. Greatness requires lessons in failure, disappointment and conflict. Each of these people were fueled by the difficulties they encountered getting to where they are now and they would all tell you that they needed that in order to be successful. They would also tell you that they were glad that they made the decision to pour their hearts and minds into the gifts they were given and to master those gifts in a distinct direction or field.

You too can be successful like this, but you have to make a choice. Do you want to be a master of nothing or a master of something?

Until the next time everyone...

Dr. D

Just Do It To It!

2010-01-06T19:48:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite phrases that I hear in my group exercise classes at Club Ridges is "Dr. P, there's nothing to it, but to do!". That can be heard echoing from the mouths of some of my most loyal and determined class participants. I love it when I hear that because it let's me know that the residents in class get my mantra, which is why wait around for things to happen...just do it to it!

In life there are so many opportunities to seize and places to go. We have the ability to be life movers not life loungers. If you look around in your life and really pay attention to what is going on I bet you could point out a bevy of opportunities that are just waiting for you to explore. So what happens? Well, as one of my clients says, "our natural tendencies as people take over and just let things go." As unfortunate as it is things like that do happen, but we have the ability to refocus our thoughts and make things happens. Throughout my life I've learned many lessons. However, the one that has impacted me the most has been to always, always be a person of action.

You see, I've run into so many folks in my years that talk a good game, but their follow through is just so lame. You know the saying "money talks?" Well in this case, action talks and while there are many that are able to put together moving and convincing arguments for what they will do, there are even more who will do absolutely nothing. So you have to ask yourself while reading this...are you someone who talks a good game or are you someone who people come to rely upon because your actions are powerful and true?

You have the option everyday when you wake up to be better than you were yesterday. You have the option to be better for someone else, better for your community and ultimately better for the world. No matter what you think, one person can affect the world. It has been done and it can happen again, but it requires action.

Are you ready to act? or should I say...are you ready to just do it to it?

Until next time...

Dr. D

Remember the Journey

2009-12-19T07:21:00.000-08:00

While I was folding towels at Club Ridges yesterday I caught myself thinking back to the first time I folded and rolled a towel at Club Ridges. It was May 2007. The club was about a month away from opening and myself and a few other co-workers were talking and laughing while folding, rolling and stocking the towels that adorn Club Ridges to this day. I remember how much fun we had helping to get the club ready for its introduction to the wonderful residents of The Ridges. Folding and rolling towels to this day is one of my favorite things to do. It reminds of my beginnings at Club Ridges and I never want to forget my journey from starting as a personal trainer to now being the General Manager and running the whole club. Rolling and folding towels continues to be a gift...a gift of remembrance of wonderful beginnings.

In life we must take time to smell the roses and enjoy the success that we have been so fortunate to receive. One way to do that is to think back and celebrate the journey that helped to launch your success. I know so many people who accomplish so many great things, but don't take time to remember the journey to their success. If you own a business think about that moment when your business idea popped into your head. Think about when that business became a reality. Think about the first time those doors opened to the public. Think about it, remember it and enjoy it.

If you are a parent think about that moment when you knew those children were going to come into the world. Think about their birth day. Think about the first time they got a haircut. Think about the first day they went to school. Think about it, remember it and enjoy it.

If you are married think about the first date you had with your future spouse. Think about the moment you got engaged. Think about your wedding day. Think about your travels and experiences growing as a couple. Think about it, remember it and enjoy it.

While all of these examples might not fit your life I'm sure something like these do. Regardless, I think you get the point that we must remember and celebrate the wonderful joys in our life. We just never know how long we will have those memories in our lives so take the time to reflect and enjoy those memories that you cherish so much.

I finished folding, rolling and stocking the last towel yesterday at work and I thought about how amazing the journey has been for me at Club Ridges. I took a seat real quick and starting laughing about the time myself and my co-worker Sean were sweating profusely outside in July 2007 putting together the tables and chairs that are near the main pool. It was a sight to see. I got up and went into the group exercise room to get out some Bosus for my class that night and all I could think about was how great it was when all of those Bosus came in a few years ago before the club opened. I thought about the first Core Power class I taught with those Bosus and how almost all of the people who took that class still take my class today. I walked the floor and cleaned the cardio equipment and thought about the first time the technogym rep. Todd Gilbertson came by to orient us on how to explain the specs on the equipment to the residents. There are just so many memories that I have of Club Ridges and its beginnings. Every part of that club is a part of me and for that I am so grateful.

I hope you are grateful for all you have been given and all the happiness that you are connected to in your life. Think about it, remember it and enjoy it.

Until the next time...

Dr. D

Some People Do, Some People Don't

2009-12-09T20:44:00.000-08:00

I know you've heard it...yup, you have. You've heard story after story of people who tell you they are going to do this or do that. Yup, I know you've heard it before. Or maybe you've heard yourself say those things many times then never actually do what you say you are going to do.

I have to say that I have in my lifetime I've been surrounded by many talkers, but only a select few doers. In life it is easy to get caught up with those who don't do anything, but it can be very difficult to keep up with those who are doers. Doers understand sacrifice. Doers understand time management. Doers understand the value of investing into others and following through. Doing by its definition is well...hard! I'd say that anything that is worth anything requires a tremendous amount of work and dedication.

It is too easy to be someone who doesn't do anything. Think about it. When you do nothing you get nothing and you just go about your life having conversations that start like this..."you know I've always wanted to, but..." or "I'd like to do that, but my life..." You know what those statements are? Excuses. Excuses to remain stagnant and never take a chance to be a driving force in the world. It is too easy to sit at home and fill your time with mindless things everyday. My colleague Heather Doane and I had a conversation about this very topic the other day during one of our Connect to Fitness weekly meetings. We both agreed that one of the key ways to being a doer is to be clever with how you spend your free time. Doers find a great balance between personal and professional. Doers get lots of things done even when time is limited. Again being a doer is tough. It is difficult, but it is so worth.

So, take the challenge to become a doer and not someone who just sits around and let's life happen to them. As I always say to the people in my life...make it happen!

Until next time...

Dr. D

What Really Matters Is...

2009-12-01T19:56:00.000-08:00

I sat in meeting after meeting, talk after talk trying to make sense of what I was hearing. Each sentence that was uttered only saddened me more because I kept telling myself "is any of this really important?" Now, while I can't really discuss the contents of my talks, I can tell you that the ridiculousness of it was far beyond what is acceptable behavior for adults. Okay, let me explain or rather let me throw it out this way. Have you ever just heard people complain and be passionate about the wrong thing? Or better yet be so pumped up in anger over things that are just not that important when you check out what's really tough in life? I'm sure you have and that's when you tell yourself..."what really matters is..."

What really matters are the things that tie us to our emotional anchors. Caring about people and the plight of those who are less fortunate than us is what really matters. The longer I live on this earth I see how we as a people spend our time doting over silly little things when we should be focusing ourselves on the issues that really need our time, attention and efforts.

I was struck particularly by "what really matters" when I was watching CNN's All-Star Tribute to Heroes. A list of wonderfully devoted and selfless individuals crossed the stage while I was watching the show. Each of them, one after another, being praised and recognized for being an instrument of hope in the lives of others. The Hero of the Year was a man who had a little cart full of books and other educational materials and rolled it around poverty stricken neighborhoods in the Philippines teaching kids how to read and write and generally just enjoy the process of learning. Another man built a shelter for our homeless veterans who have served our country bravely, but now are on the outs and in need of help. There were several other Heroes who were able to share their story and each one reminded me that what really matters is fighting for those who cannot fight for themselves. We have to stand up and begin to care more about the right things rather than things that are inconsequential.

That is why I am so proud of all the people who are involved in my networking group Connect to Fitness. I formed Connect to Fitness with a goal of investing into others in the profession not because of money or notoriety or prestige. Nope, CTF was created to be a light in a very dark and difficult world called the fitness industry. With such a lack of regulation the fitness profession needs more leaders who will stand up and fight for higher standards and better job opportunities. This is what really matters in my profession. And I know there are many "what really matters" buttons in all of your professions no matter what you do.

As I put down the phone and ended the last of my meetings today I sat back in my chair in my office and allowed myself to dream and gaze into the bigger things that are awaiting me in this life. Creating a movement of change for fitness, raising productive and loving children one day and always continuing to pursue my wife's happiness because she is the most important person to me. Those are the things that really matter and I must never forget that and I hope that in your life you don't forget what really matters as well.

Until the next time...

Dr. D

We CAN change

2009-11-23T22:26:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard someone talk to you and say "you wouldn't believe the person I used to be."I have heard that all too often in my travels, but the person I've heard say that the most has been...well...me. The person I am today is a much different person than I was a good eight years ago. I went through a period when I made a lot of bad decisions. Yup, I did a lot of stupid things and all the while I kept thinking to myself when am I going to stop being such an idiot? When am I going to change my ways and grow up?

I guess you could say that there was one day that really changed it all for me. I was sitting in my room in Madison Manor. I was in the first year of my Master's degree and I was just in a haze of depression and doubt. I can remember crying in the middle of my room and thinking that I've reached a really low point in my life. I was living a risky lifestyle and I was keeping secrets left and right and I was just being so fake around everyone that I knew. I needed a life makeover. I needed to change and get back to the basics of who I really was.

Needless to say, I marched myself out my apartment and over to Aletheia Church. My good buddy Aaron Proffitt, the worship leader for Alethia, had invited me to come to church to check it out many months ago. He knew that I grew up in the church as my parents were adamant about my brother and I knowing the Lord. However, as the story goes for many re-newed Christians, we had a falling out of faith at some point even though we knew the Lord was calling us back. And boy was I kicking and clawing to not come back, but eventually I did and as soon as I saw my buddy Aaron meet me at the door to the church I new everything was going to change for me and it did. I submitted myself back into the arms of the Lord and was renewed again. I spent a good year getting to know me through different eyes and it really spurred me on to be the man I am today. I was able to change and become a light to others and that was what I wanted to do so desperately. I wanted to live a life of service to others.

Now, I know some of you might be thinking, "I hope this is not a blog post about finding God." And to that I say you are correct. It is not a post about that, but it is a post about finding positive change in your life, whatever that may be. While my Christian faith surrounds me and guides who I am on a daily basis, that is not the point of this blog. The point is that whatever your path is you must find the guidance for positive change in your life. Sure, mine was and continues to be my faith, but for you it may be something completely different. Whatever that guidance point is make sure to be true to it and use it to further the causes of others.

I find one of the best ways to change yourself for the better is to change the course of another life. There are great stories of people who give to another to change their life and in turn change their own lives. That is powerful! We see it so much in our life in things such as adoption, mentoring, charities and so on and so forth. Our greatness as human beings is in our ability to not only change ourselves for the better, but to change the fortunes of someone else. We have a great responsibility to be true to this power that we all wield. We CAN become so much more than we allow ourselves to be.

Find the source of guidance that changes you to become more than you ever thought you would be and use that to strike a positive note in someone else's life.

Until next time....

Dr. D

Its Not What You Want, Its What You Need

2009-11-16T22:49:00.000-08:00

Every year around at this specific time of the year people are busy thinking about what they want. That's right, as the holiday seasons begins to rev up its engine, we are reminded that many people will begin to ask for what they want. People are looking for that great present. You know...that X Box or tricked out GPS system. Or maybe even a new cell phone that has all the works. Toys will be purchased, gift cards will be bought. However, while these things are nice and reflect our desires for things that we want, they do not reflect our needs.

Why do we as people seem to always treasure all that we want yet fight against the things that we need the most? I'll tell you why...because having what we need is usually not as glamorous or immediately gratifying as the things we want. I am reminded of the line between wants and needs in my own life. When I was in my early 20's I frequently searched for the things that I wanted to make me feel good about myself in the immediate moments of my life. However, what I really needed was a deeper sense of meaning and fulfillment that could only be attained through choices that led to long term fulfillment in my life.

For example, growing up I was a huge Florida State and Syracuse University football fan. I loved both teams dearly and wanted so badly to go to either one of the schools. While both schools are great academically and would have allowed me to be a solid student-athlete, where I needed to be was James Madison University in Harrisonburg, Virgina. Why JMU? I never wanted to go there really during my official visits for track and field, but something was calling me there because I needed to be there.

I wanted to get married to a woman who was a high level athlete and very popular in school. I ended up marrying a woman who is decently athletic and who wasn't given much attention in school at all. She pretty much flew under the radar to most men, but you know what... she has been more than wonderful for me. She has been my rock, my comfort and my greatest joy. I realized that I didn't want those glitzy stage driven women. I realized for the first time when I met my wife that I needed a woman who would be down for me, who would love me unconditionally, a woman whose beauty was apparent both internally and externally.

I wanted to just get my master's degree and get a job, but I was being called to finish the path that I was on and get my terminal degree. Did I have to get my doctorate to run a fitness facility and personal train people? No way, but I needed to separate myself from others in my field and create a differential advantage. I needed to get my doctorate because it certainly has created long term success for me.

I wanted to keep all of my money, possessions and time all to myself in the past, but as soon as I began to donate portions of my money, give away some of my things and invest my time into others I found out that a great need had been fulfilled in me. A need to be rich in ways that could not be measured by my net worth.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you pursue the things that you need in your life, no matter how unpleasant that may be sometimes, then you will realize that you are also getting what you want. Because in the end you cannot attain what you desire or want so badly unless you take on the task of inviting in the things you need so desperately.

Thanks for reading everyone! Until next time...

Dr. D

Finding Balance in Your Personal and Professional Life

2009-11-09T09:14:00.000-08:00

About seven months ago on a Monday morning I sat down in front of my computer with my freshly brewed cup of coffee and opened up my Google calendar. While I knew I was going to have a busy week, I had no clue that it was going to be one of the busiest weeks I've ever had. As I glanced through the maze of color coded appointments, directions for venues I had to visit and alert pop ups and e-mails for these events, I started to think..."man, my head is swirling with things to do". I realized at that point that I needed to take a step back and find some more balance in my life because my schedule was spiraling out of control. I was becoming overwhelmed with all of these tasks and appointments that I had planned. While I was good at scheduling in the professional appointments and events in my life, I wasn't exactly doing the same thing for the personal aspects of my life. I needed to find a better balance between my personal and professional life.

So, what did I do? I sat down with my wife and let her know that I needed to make more time for her and provide a better balance between my professional life and our personal life together. If anyone knows me even decently well then you know that I'm an attack dog when it comes to getting things done. I don't mess around or play games when it comes to righting the wrongs of anything in my life. I want to pinpoint a plan and go dedicate myself to it wholeheartedly. In that moment I took a hold of the craziness in my life and created a sense of balance and peace between the personal and professional areas of my life. While I still may be very busy some days with professional endeavors, you can check out my calendar and see a sea of fun filled personal outings and adventures as well. My wife and I have dates every week and each month we have some type of outing or trip planned with close friends of ours. We are making more time to visit our families back east this coming year and doing so much better at keeping in contact with all the important people in our lives. My wife comes to all of the networking events I have each month and even works the check in counter. It has brought us even closer together and allowed her to share in the professionals passions that I'm involved in. Even if you have to schedule it in like I do the point is that you are doing it. The balance between personal and professional can sometimes get clouded, but there is always a way to navigate these two passages of life.

So think about it...have you had that moment yet when you thought that you were skewed so heavily one way or another? Or maybe you have a great handle on the balance of personal and professional in your life. If so that is wonderful! However, so many of us get so caught up in the seriousness of our work that we forget to have fun. Or on the other hand, playing so much that you never take time to build and grow your career. There's room to do both. You just have to find your own way to balance it. In the game of life one of the greatest challenges is to find the harmony between the physical, emotional, social, occupational, spiritual and intellectual aspects of your life. This is a journey we will all struggle with the rest of our lives, but we can do our best to find a center and a peace within us to balance these things the best we can.

I wish you the best in your journey everyone and until next time...keep working hard in creating a strong sense of balance in your life.

Dr. D

Break to Build

2009-11-01T19:57:00.000-08:00

I was sitting in Theater 1 of the Regal Cinemas Movie Theater at the Red Rock Casino yesterday with my wife Michelle. We were gearing up to watch the movie that has become a national phenomenon, Paranormal Activity. Before the trailers began running we both saw a commercial that was playing on the screen that was amazing. I'm sure if you are a sports fan you are aware of Michael Jordan. However, you may not be aware of the commercials that accompany his shoes and Air Jordan apparel. The commercials are actually a series of commercials about Becoming Legendary.

As I was watching the commercial run I was inspired, motivated and pumped by what I saw. I loved seeing Dwayne Wade doing some Russian Twists with a Med Ball and then falling out in exhaustion. I loved seeing Carmelo Anthony get a rebound and then body a man with a heavy bag before dunking. I loved seeing the high school players in the commercial who were scratching and clawing their way towards building to greatness. I loved seeing Chris Paul doing plyo push ups and wind sprints. And maybe the best part...was the anticipation each person had before their respective games. The energy was crazy beautiful. And as the commercial ended...what was left was the phrase "Break to Build". You gotta love it.

It brought me back to those days for me when I used to step out on the track to practice as high school and collegiate sprinter. Each interval I ran was brutal. Every hill run was exhausting. Running in the snow on the track was crazy. Coach tried to break us everyday. He wanted to see how far he could push us physically and mentally. I've never been more scared yet exhilarated than when I was a college sprinter. To this day I've never done anything harder. The fear was thick everyday, but the joy after was just as great. You see, in order to become a legend in your own right, you must be tested. You must be driven to the limit of your capabilities to find out who you really are. I always tell my clients..."When you push yourself you will find yourself!"

The phrase "Break to Build" was a part of my weekly athletic experience at James Madison University. It was a part of it when we would lift weights after practice, when we would take those 7-8 hour drives to meets and get back late in the am. We were being broken doing something every week and you know what? I loved it. There's nothing better than testing yourself and discovering what you are made of. If you can be brave and whether the pain and the exhaustion then you will have built a glorious person who can withstand the rigors of life both personally and professionally. That's what that Nike Commercial for Jordan's Become Legendary campaign is about. It is about finding the inner strength and determination to create your legacy. So, ask yourself...how have you tried to become legendary?

As the commercial faded my wife and I looked at each other and nodded in agreement at what we saw. Michelle smiled broadly at me especially because she knew how pumped I was to see such a commercial because this commercial essentially defined who I am to a tee. No shortcuts, no excuses, no half way effort....

"Break to Build"

Until the next time...

Dr. D

Enjoying the Pleasant Surprises of Life

2009-10-24T18:01:00.000-07:00

The music was just starting to ramp up as I sat in my crooked little chair. More people began filing in and just as I was about to really get into my malibu rum and coke I suddenly entered into a conversation with someone who let me in on a very cool fact. Yup, I was told by Karen J., a long time friend of our family, that she reads my blog. My blog! That was so awesome to hear! The even more surprising thing is that we were talking about it in a little country bar in Mifflinburg, Pennyslvania. You just never know when someone is going to tell you something pleasantly surprising and where you'll be when they tell you.

You see, it wasn't all that amazing that Karen herself was reading my blog. Karen is a very intelligent, creative and talented individual. I think I sensed she was reading it. However, it was surprising that I found out while I was over 2,000 miles away from home. We as human beings can never foresee how certain things will be revealed to us. Although we'd like to think we can control the outcome of all things in our life, the truth is that we really don't know much about the little intricacies of life. Nor can we begin to understand or read the minds of others that we know. The pleasant little surprises of life are fascinating and somewhat mysterious.

One of the other lessons related to the pleasant surprises of life is the two sided effect that it has on the parties involved. Take for instance Karen telling me about how she reads my blog. Karen mentioned how she really looks forward to reading my blog each week. That was nice to hear being that I had never previously heard from her that she even read it. While Karen feels likes she gets a lot of out of my blog, I feel like I got a lot out of her confession that she reads my blog. The feeling that I got was one of excitement and a weird sense of validation. I've heard more and more lately about the different people who read my blog. During my time in Pennsylvania visiting my in-laws with my wife, my mother in-law told me she reads my blog as well!

Again, the pleasant surprises of life are amazing and astonishing yet also perplexing as well. I never can predict or sometimes even understand how these surprises come about, but I'm glad they do. With my networking group Connect to Fitness I feel like I get lots of pleasant surprises from the people we work with. It is so amazing to get feedback from people we barely know in relation to their feelings on how CTF has helped them. Just amazing yet also pleasantly surprising.

So, I hope and pray that each of you who read this blog are pleasantly surprised in your lives by the people in your lives. Whether you are in the fitness profession and one of your clients surprises you by giving more effort than you thought or your friend tells you that they read your blog over 2,000 miles away; I hope that you are caught off guard in a great way.

As I finished my conversation with Karen and took one last sip of my malibu rum and coke, I joined my wife and Karen on the dance floor in Mike and Dot's Bar. Yup, in Mike and Dot's Bar...a place where I swore that I would never dance on the dance floor. But hey, I had a great time dancing as I always do. Again, pleasantly surprised by my enjoyment of the whole scene. Life is funny like that.

Until the next time...

Dr. D

A Time to Chill

2009-10-18T19:35:00.001-07:00

As my wife and I finished our Ashiatsu massages at the Hara Center (www.useyourhara.com) today, we both realized that relaxation must become a bigger part of our lives. Taking a step back to enjoy the quiet times in life is something that many of us are not doing these days. In such a fast paced and quick society we sometimes become consumed with doing too much. We add so much to our plate and then never sit back and enjoy what we've done.

In my life I have certainly been guilty of doing too much and then not sitting back to enjoy what has been accomplished. Or I have not sat back and taken time to re-energize my body. However, working my full time job as the General Manager of Club Ridges and my side gig as the Director of Connect to Fitness, has made me realize that I need to take breaks and vacations regularly to keep my mind and my body fresh and alert. These days you have to have balance in your life with the hectic nature of life.

The funny thing about life is that no matter how much you love what you do you still have to make time to chill and relax. This concept is very similar to working out. While it is important to be a regular exerciser, it is just as important to rest your body so that your body can make the necessary physiological adaptations. Without rest you are just continually causing damage to the body. Rest is just as important as exercising.

With that being said, I challenge all of you out there to set aside fun time, vacation time or just time to be still. I promise you will filled relaxed, refreshed and ready to tackle all that is busy in your life.

Thanks everyone! Until the next time...

Dr. D

Don't Short Change Yourself

2009-10-11T13:05:00.000-07:00

I got out of the van to get ready for last of my three legs of the Ragnar Relays. I had 5.1 miles to run before I would able to hand off my wrist band to our next runner. My path....start at Southern Highlands Parkway and get to Blue Diamond Road. I won't lie. I was nervous because I had never run anything longer than 3 miles straight and I only accomplished that a little less than 24 hours ago when I ran my first leg. I began to make excuses about how I was a college sprinter and how I couldn't possibly run that far. After a few minutes of that negative self talk I asked myself "What the hell are you thinking Darian?". I was just flabbergasted that I would let myself have those negative thoughts because I knew that I was better than that. Regardless of distance, I told myself right in that moment that I was not going to make any excuses about what I hadn't done or what I couldn't do. Nope, I was not going to short change myself of this moment. This was a moment that would add to the definition of me as a person.

So, I got my mind right and told myself that this would be my best running moment ever. And that was saying something being that I won my last collegiate race back in the day with my 4 x 100 relay teammates to win IC4A championship. Yup, I said this will be better than that because no one will be watching...no huge stadium filled crowd will be cheering. Nope, it will just be me, no ipod, no build up or fanfare...nothing, but me and the road and my destination to hand off to the next leg of our team.

As I received the wrist band signaling it was my time to begin my 5.1 mile leg (leg 28), I took off in a pace that I knew I could handle. I was figuring I could keep a 8:30-9:00 minute mile pace for 5 miles. Well, actually, I was hoping I could make it at least through 3 miles at that pace without walking and then hopefully power walk/run the last two miles. However, again I told myself as I was getting about a half mile into my race that I could do better than that. I told myself that I was strong, powerful and had much better endurance than I was giving myself credit for. About 3 quarters of a mile in I pasted one runner who was this older gentleman who was admiring the trees and plants along the run. We had a quick chat while I was passing him and we wished each other good luck on our run. I remembered thinking that this older guy was really enjoying himself and that I should do the same. This older gentleman was running the best he could while taking in the great weather we were having that day in Las Vegas. It truly was amazing.

As I rounded the corner to turn on to the next road I could see that I was about a mile in and that I was keeping around a 8:30 pace. I was feeling great and did some more positive self talk about how I could do this and how my spirit and drive was up to the challenge. So, I picked up the pace to do more of an 8:00 mile pace. I picked off some more runners and as I was running on that beautiful day I felt my confidence skyrocketing because I felt so positive about my ability to conquer this challenge.

Of note, I had run my previous leg (leg 16) of 3 miles around midnight and the 3 mile one (leg4) before that around 11:00am. I had slept only about an hour and a half in 24 hours and I was starving from only eating trail mix, bagels, and similar based food over that time. Needless to say I was suffering from major sleep deprivation and at one point I really thought I was seeing things in between legs. I was hitting the bottom.

However, I truly believe that when you are at your worst that you can rise to be at your best. At this point I was 2 miles in and I told myself again that I would not short change myself not one bit. It was my 3rd and final leg of the race and I figured why not see what I could do. Again, there was no way I could short change myself on this. I knew I was better than that.

So as it went, with my team van following me here and there to provide me with some water and some nice words of encouragement, I took off and ran my heart out over the last 3.1 miles of the run. I stopped looking at my watch and just smiled and enjoyed the beautiful weather while letting my legs turnover and run towards the final destination for me. I saw the one mile left to go marker and felt and even bigger surge come and I just stepped on the gas some more. I told myself one last time.."You can do this...you have the ability and fitness level to do better than you think."

I rounded the corner and kept up a pretty tough pace. My legs starting to burn and my lungs were on fire as I kept churning. With about a 200 meters to go I saw one of the volunteers with the walkie talkie about ready to ask me what my number was so that he could relay to the exchange zone that I was coming in so that my teammate running the next leg could be ready for the hand off. I yelled out before he could even ask.."136!!". Right after I said that I broke out into a full fledged sprint. Man, it felt good to run that hard again.

Remembering the technical cues from my track and field coach Bill Walton back at James Madison University, I began to lift my legs to that all too familiar 90 degrees and plant my feet underneath my hips. I ran with 90 degrees of flexion on the forward swing with my arms and about 120 degrees on the backward swing. I had a slight body lean and I kept my head straight with my eyes towards the prize...the exchange area for leg 29 where one of my teammates would begin running. As I neared the exchange zone I knew that I had run better than I thought. I did not short change myself for one second.

I stopped in the exchange zone, handed off the wristband and proceeded to check my watch for my average time. I figured that I had run around 7:50 per mile for 5.1 miles. I was so pumped that I had exceeded my expectations. I didn't short change myself and on the way I learned again that the only thing that really stops us as human beings is ourselves.

This is a lesson that we must all learn. We are so much better than what we think, but too many times we let our own negative thoughts and assumptions of what we can't do get in the way of our performance in all phases of our lives. This is especially true in exercise, which I will say can be pretty painful and require a high effort level when you are truly challenging yourself. Everyday I hear from people in the gym how they are too old for this or that they are not athletic enough for that. That is garbage.

Ask yourself this...Why is it that a 65 year old man or woman can go out and run a marathon or do a triathlon while a 25 year old person will say they could in no way do something like that? Or he/she will say something like well I'm more of an anaerobic person versus an aerobic person. The truth is that you are just scared of the pain. And you know what? That is OK! It is OK to be scared and admit that. You are not short changing yourself by saying that you are scared and that you have fears about exercising in general or about running a race of great length. The short changing of one's self is when you make excuses to not do something that are based on lies and not true feelings. I will not feel neither here nor there if someone admits the truth of why they won't do something, but I sure will take issue with someone who does not do something and blames it on some excuse that is trying to cover the truth.

I saw people of all shapes and sizes running at the Ragnar Relays. I saw skinny people, slightly overweight people, very overweight people and I even saw a man who was physically disabled doing his legs of the race in a wheel chair buggy contraption. Really, no one will blame you or chastise you if you admit your deep truths about not doing something. Hell, there isn't one person in this world who will meet every single thrilling challenge that presents itself in this world. I agree that it is not possible to do that. However, don't say you won't do things because of some fake truth. Don't short change yourself!

Thanks for reading everyone and I hope you enjoy your week!

Dr. D

There's a Strategy for Everything

2009-10-04T14:54:00.000-07:00

One of the residents in The Ridges who regularly comes to participant in my group exercise classes always teases me by saying he has a strategy for every workout that we do. This resident always says to me that there is a strategy to everything in life. And you know what? I must agree with him. In life we shouldn't just let things happen to us and think oh well it was just going to happen that way. We need a plan and a strategy so that we can give ourselves the best opportunity for success in all that we do in life.

The funny thing about having a strategy is that you really do need to have one for all that you do in life. Why would one think that they should have a strategy for their job, but not for their personal life. While you may have plans on how to maneuver through your professional life you most certainly need a plan to know how to navigate your personal life as well. This is especially true in your significant other relationships. You should definitely have a plan and communicate that plan in areas such as finances, intimacy, division of chores, etc. With a clear plan that is communicated regularly between two people then you will most definitely be more successful in your level of happiness in your relationship. I've never met a couple that has had long term love and happiness who didn't communicate regularly about their personal life plan. Great couples talk about everything and are able to respect each other's points of views while still working as a team within the plan they have set forth together.

Think about it...who do you know that is incredibly successful that does not have a vision for success that involves a plan of strategy for execution? I love to surround myself with people who I believe are excellent people and who strive to be successful in all phases of their lives. Not one of those people that I surround myself with just walks through aimlessly letting life just happen to them. These people don't feel sorry for themselves nor do they place the blame on others for things that don't end up going their way. They don't do those things because they plan for success and usually achieve it. I can tell you in my own life that while I have experienced some lows, they are way more outpaced by the highs in my life which I attribute largely to the strategies I have in place for success in all phases of my life.

In the end, letting things just happen and being reactive in life does not make for successful long term results. Don't just rely on your talents. Everyone has a talent, but not everyone has a strategy to use their talent in a way that will better both themselves and other people.

Thanks for your time and until next time...

Dr. D

Consistency is Everything

2009-09-28T14:11:00.000-07:00

When my wife and I first started dating some six years ago I remember a conversation that we had revolving around being on time to things. She mentioned that while she was on time to her job and other job related functions that she was regularly late when ever she showed up to meet her friends to go out. Her friends were none to pleased about it, but my wife did not care much about it. I remember mentioning why she would be consistent in being on time at work, but not for her friends. To my amazement she was like I guess I never really thought about it. She also said, that she just thought her friends would understand, but that her job would not and that she was getting paid for that. I told her that she should try to be consistent in being on time in all phases of her life. She thought about it for a second and then looked at me and agreed. From then on she has been very consistent in being on time and in many other things.

The point in this whole conversation is that we as people spend so much time putting on our "A" game for one thing in our lives, but then don't do the same for other parts of our life. How can that be? One of the most important things that a person can do is to be consistent in all phases of his/her life. Consistency is everything.

Now, I must say that I am certainly not perfect in this category nor am I in any other category of life, but I do know that I do try my best to be consistent across all facets of my life. I also know that people respect that. You see while it is good to have the element of unpredictability in life so that we can grow, it is also important that there is an element of predictability in terms of the behavior of people around us. I don't know about you, but I like to be around people who I know will come through for me time and time again. And not only that but people who also will come through for others time and time again in various areas of life. Consistency is everything.

If you are consistent in your behavior in various areas then you will be a person that many people learn to come to for advice and guidance because they respect your consistency. My challenge for all of you out there is to do your best in being consistent in all aspects of your life.

Until next time everyone...

Dr. D

Giving Feels Good

2009-09-21T14:49:00.000-07:00

As I announced the prizes we would be giving away in our Connect to Fitness raffle, I felt a great feeling of joy come over me. I just got chills. It was awesome! I was about to give away several prizes that were donated by some wonderful people in the fitness community. From free massages, personal training sessions, fitness clothing, fitness bags, etc. I was about to have the honor of providing some lucky individuals with some great things. After I explained each item, my good friend Emma Pietrzak yelled out the winning number and one by one people came forth in a great roar of excitement because they won something. At times I could not tell if we were more excited than they were because of the great feeling that we were getting from giving back to them.

In fact, I can probably guess that anytime you have given selflessly and genuinely that you have felt better than receiving anything. I know for me that giving has always been better than receiving. The joy you get in making someone smile through giving to them is so awesome! Now, in the above case we were giving out material things, but I find the best way to give is through your time, efforts and the praise you give to others. In my professional and personal life I find the most fulfillment when I pump up others. There's no other feeling like it. Giving kind words and giving of your effort always pays off in the end.

One of my golden rules with business is to always enter into a professional relationship as a "giver" not a "taker". Ask how you can give or help out the other person. Ask for nothing in return except for them letting you know that you are happy with their new success. Over the past few years I have made it my mission to live a life of giving before taking and I have seen my fortunes and triumphs greatly increase. Let's face it...we all need each other so let's help each other by giving back to each other.

Until next time everyone!

Dr. D

Nothing Like Having Good Friends

2009-09-13T22:32:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a moment when you realized that you were so blessed and fortunate to be around the people who give you so much joy in your life? This past week, while I was on vacation, my wife and I realized that our life is filled with tremendously loyal and sincere friends. Number one on our list out here in Vegas are our friends Charles and Hannah Ware. During our vacation we laughed, we drank, we had great in-depth conversations and we just generally enjoyed each other's company. It made me think how wonderful it is to find great people in one's life. There's nothing like having good friends.

As a fitness professional, it is my aim to always move towards creating solid and lasting relationships with my colleagues. Throughout the years I have been blessed to work with some amazing individuals. That has been made more apparent by the fact that I have also had the displeasure of working with some pretty mediocre individuals as well. Over the past few years I have made it my mission to surround myself with good, honest and decent human beings both professionally and personally. You, the reader, should always aim to surround yourself with the best of the best because doing that will only raise your level of professionalism and classiness to another level. I've never seen successful people who have an array of negative associations and friendships. Nope, the value of solid relationships in one's life will always pay huge dividends for all involved.

In my line of work as the manager of a high end fitness facilty and the founder of a networking group, I am always approached by people who want to sell stuff to me or take advantage of my standing in the fitness community. However, I step lightly always when creating connections with others. Make sure when testing the waters for connections that you find out what your possible connections stand for. Ask things such as are they selling products instead of selling a committment to a growing professional relationship with you? Are they people of high charater? Will they work with you even if there's no monetary gain? Questions like these will give you a better idea of if a new possible connection is worth pursuing. Overall, I've seen more snakes than angels, but I press on and because of that I have some seriously loyal business associates who I work with.

In the end, there's nothing like connecting with some who shares your vision for moving forward in their profession. There's nothing like connecting with someone who is respectful, service oriented and generous. And if you get lucky and get all those then you might hit the jackpot and know the feeling of having great friendship with people you associate yourself with.

Thanks for reading everyone...until next time.

Dr. D

When the Cheering Stops

2009-08-31T14:00:00.000-07:00

I remember one of the most exhilirating feelings that I have ever had as a former collegiate athlete was running at the historic Penn Relays. Each year my teammates and I would head up to Pennsylvania and run in "Super Bowl" of all track and field meets at Franklin Field at the University of Penn. I've never seen anything like the Penn Relays since then. Running in front of crowds of up to 80,000 people was amazing and the adrenaline rush was absolutely addictive. I lived for that trip every year.

However, while that was a great memory for me as a collegiate athlete, my most vivid memories as an athlete had nothing to do with being in the spotlight. Nope, I think most of my former teammates would tell you that they cherished (ok, maybe cherish is a strong word) the most brutal workouts that we endured at practice when no one was watching. Yup, workouts when there was no music, no applause, no cheering...just straight getting destroyed on the track running what seemed like an endless amount of 200's, 300's and no rest 400's. It was some of the most painful times of my life, but I learned so much about myself and how hard I could work when no one was watching. As my coach used to say, "What makes you great is what you do when no one is watching."

As a former athlete, I still take what I learned from my coach and apply it to my job today as the General Manager of a high end fitness facility here in Las Vegas. I still workout and attack my administrative work so hard that I feel like I'm back on that track at James Madison University ready to see if I have what it takes to continue on even in the face of pure exhaustion. You see, in our lives we show what we are really made of when we test ourselves not in front of an audience, but when the only person who is looking back at you is you. I'm here to tell you...if you need an audience to perform well then you have a lot of work to do towards becoming great at what you do. Anyone can get hype for the crowd, but ask yourself...can you get hype when it is just you and your task at hand? Your performance shines brightest in the dark, not in the light.

This is a lesson that can be translated into anything that you do. Don't go out and look for an audience of people to tell you how great you are. No, no...don't go out and ask for praise and look for nice things to come your way because you contributed your time and efforts. Go out in your job, your marriage, your volunteer time or whatever you do and be a champion who does not let his left hand eagerly tell his right what he did. Be a warrior who fights the good fight in the shadows of life. It is in those moments that you will truly find out what you are made of.

You know, probably my fondest memory of being a collegiate runner was partaking in our pre-Thanksgiving and pre-Christmas midnight workouts. We'd all try to get some rest in the late afternoon and early evening, but it never worked. We would all head to the locker room hours before our midnight workout in the dead silence of the winter in Harrisonburg, Virginia. It was cold and dreary outside and the track felt like concrete. I can remember warming up around 11:15pm with the lights shining brightly in Bridgeforth Stadium. As we warmed up we all had a look of determination and focus as we knew we were about to get crushed with workouts consisting of either 16 200's or 10 400's. Either way were were preparing for certain exhaustion that would last until 1:30pm or so in the morning. It was a time of fear, but also a time to test yourself against yourself and the elements. Even when I was dead tired during the workout, I stepped my weary body to the line for each interval. We all did. We banded together and completed one of our hardest workouts all year and afterwards we felt amazing. No applause, no cheering, no nothing. We just felt good because we shined brightly in the middle of the night.

Take with you the spirit of competition and excellence everyday in your life...even when no one else cares to look.

Until next time

Dr. D

Be Humbled by Success

2009-08-23T12:02:00.000-07:00

Are you a person who has experienced great success recently or in the past? I'm sure many of you have had your share of good times. In life while we experience many lows that challenge us to grow as people, we always have plenty of times when success is a wonderful reality. For many of you I'm sure you have also seen what it is like when success hits how it can swell the heads of so many. When people experience a tremendous amount of success they sometimes think that they are suddenly above remembering the difficult times and look down upon others.

I'm there to tell you today that if you have experienced great success or are in the midst of great success in your life that you need to be humbled by that success. With great success comes great responsibility to wield that success in a gracious and honorable way.

In my own life I am in the midst of some deeply humbling success both personally and professionally. I remember about six and half years ago I re-affirmed my devotion to my relationship with Christ and since then I have been off and running down a path of great challenge for sure, but also a path of great success. I married the most wonderful woman in the world, achieved my goal of obtaining my doctorate, started a networking organization to serve other fitness professionals and now will be finalizing a promotion next week to become the General Manager at Club Ridges.

While I feel that I worked hard for my success I also feel a great sense of humility and grace in achieving my success. With my faith in God and the wonderful people who surround my life, I have been able to see my successes as a something that I want to share with others and teach that success should be respected and revered as it is a gift that is truly special. I never throw my success in the face of others. I never talk about how great I am because that would just mean that I believe my success is a product of my own efforts. I'm smart enough to know that the most humbling part of success is that it is not accomplished through one person's ideas or efforts. Success is always achieved through the grace and kindess of helping hands. There is not one person who has achieved anything by themselves. There is no such thing as a self-made man or woman. Period. You may think you have done it all, but really isn't that an egotistcal mentality?

I know one other thing is that success is the byproduct of surrendering to serve others. In my own life I've had to lay down in the past five years many of things that were selfish about me. My need to control money and have people always see things my way was detrimental to my path of success. Letting go of my pride and putting others before me allowed me to be more available to achieve success. Now, don't misunderstand me, just because I turned around some things doesn't mean that success came over night. There were a lot of hard times and diffcult decisions that I've had to make over the past few years, but those things are just part of growing as a person.

Overall, my point is that success, no matter how big or small it is, is something that must be looked at in a gracious way. When you get that promotion, achieve that dream you always wanted to achieve, meet that special person in your life or whatever it may be you need to step back and be respectful of that success. Don't let that success change you or alter who you are deep inside because the reality is that the successes that you achieve do not define you or make you a great person....

Your greatness will be determined in regards to how well you handled and respected all that was afforded and given to you.

Until the next time everyone,

Dr. D

Heart Based Leadership

2009-08-17T23:38:00.000-07:00

I remember when I was watching a movie called "The Order" a few years back and I heard a quote that I still to this day believe is one of my favorite one's of all time. In the movie the character starring with the late Heath Ledger's character tells Ledger to "Let your heart wear the crown, not your head". I remember thinking how profound and more important how true a statement like that is.

In our lives we have a tendency to lead too much with our intelligence and through our logic. We as humans like to organize and systematically go about solving issues in our lives. However, how much better off would we be if we let our hearts lead a little more often. As someone in a leadership position within my company, I value the heart to heart talks I have with my employees on various topics. The joy is in seeing them feel comfortable talking to me about almost anything and knowing that I am genuinely concerned for their social and emotional well-being.

The same can be said even more importantly in my own personal life. My wife knows that I value the honest and open format of talking and that as long as we lead with a heartfelt and sincere approach to conversation that we will always have productive and respectful conversations. And really if you think about it, we are all in some sort of leadership position in our lives whether it be personally or professionally. We are in charge of respecting, caring for and being sensitive to the hearts and minds of others.

As a former teacher in both the university system and the career college system I can say without a shadow of a doubt that being successful at leading students to learn and grow is highly correlated to how well you lead with your heart versus your head. Every teacher that I've ever known in my field has similar knowledge, but not every teacher has a similar heart and passion for making the content they teach come alive. The real connections come when the students see the teacher as a real person. In other words they see the teacher as someone they can relate to.

Overall, great respect and admiration is accomplished through taking the time to really care about others. And that is greatly enhanced by leading with a heart that is centered on the joy of service to things that are greater than your own self-interests. Remember..."Let Your Heart Wear the Crown, Not Your Head".

Until the next time....

Dr. D

Step Up to the Plate

2009-08-11T11:16:00.000-07:00

For all you diehard football fans, the preseason for NFL football has begun. The preseason is a time of preparation both physically and mentally for the upcoming football season. While this is a great period of learning before the real games begin in football, in life we do not have a preseason. In our lives we are forced to be ready for live action everyday. We don't have the time to train for our lives and to have grace periods. We have to be ready to step up to the plate everyday to meet the demands of life.

As the certainty of change follows us each day, we must meet the call with an approach that shows we are ready and able to be there for others. As I've talked about many times, serving others and being there for people are missions that hold great esteem and reward. We do not train to help others...we do not prepare to help others...we just help others when events turn suddenly and we are thrust into action.

So, as you work through your day today make sure to be ready to put on your game face when things turn suddenly for someone else so that you can be effective when helping them. Step up the plate and you will be surprised at how many people will step up to the plate for you when you are in a bind.

Until next time everyone...

Dr. D

Second Chances

2009-08-02T23:10:00.000-07:00

Have you ever made a big mistake and thought to yourself...I hope I can be forgiven and given a second chance? Well, I believe we all have been in that boat at some point or another in our lives and it is a pretty humbling place to be.

After our pastor's sermon today, Michelle and I had a great dialogue about the message about how the Lord cares for all of us. Even those who we may not think need to be thought of or reached out to are important. It made me think of all of the times in my life when I needed someone to throw me a line to me to help me and so many people always came through in those times. I wondered...what must it be like though for others who are not getting the help? Who is being ignored because of the things that they've done? What must they feel when the world has abondoned them? How would you feel is no one was there for you?

Well, I'm here to tell each of you that everyone needs someone to give them a second chance. I believe that we are at our best when we help others who are in need of a shot of hope and inspiration. The ability to extend your hand to another person in need is a gift that cannot be measured in external rewards. Take the time right now to think of one person in your life that needs some help desperately. Now, make it your mission to reach out to that person because when you do that you will set into motion a great set of events as long as both parties work to foster that comeback story.

Think about it...don't we love movies and tales of someone who beat the odds and came back from certain ruin? We are captivated by it! We all wish that in our darkest times that we could rise from the ashes to show everyone that we are worth fighting for. There's someone out there that you know that is worth a second take...find that person and reconnect with them. And you know the funny thing? In some special circumstances they just might find you first.

Until the next time...

Dr. D

Know You Are Appreciated

2009-07-26T12:17:00.001-07:00

Have you ever walked into a store and held the door open for someone and they just walked right through without saying thank you or they appreciate it? I'm sure you have and what do you say when that happens? Probably something like "they could have said thanks". Well, in many areas of our lives we forget to say thanks or that we appreciate others. Too many times we toil about in our everyday routines and we forget that people need to feel appreciated and even more we need to write or verbalize that to them.

One of my favorite things to do is tell my wife how much I appreciate her and her hard work in being a great professional, but more importantly in being a wonderful wife. The glow that I see in her eyes is priceless. She really loves to hear those words and guess what? So do other people in your life that are not your significant other. As a Fitness Director, Personal Trainer and Group Exercise Instructor in Las Vegas I play various roles to many different people, but the principles are the same in telling people how much I appreciate them. Be direct and be authentic in your praise of others. With my staff and my clients I make sure that at different intervals I tell them how much they mean to me and how much of an honor and privilege it is that I can be in their lives. You can't believe how they light up when they hear those words!

People NEED other people to believe in them and to tell them that they are doing well. Even the most successful and wealthly people love to hear praise. Case in point, working in the Ridges allows me access to some of the most powerful people in Las Vegas and in this country. However, it does not matter what their status is. When I give a thank you card to one of my high end clients they don't just brush it aside. You know what they do? They thank me profusely and tell me that this means so much to them. No matter who you are...praise and appreciation of another is vital to the self-esteem of others.

So, take this challenge, during an appropriate time with someone who works with you, works for you, etc. make sure to tell them how much they are appreciated and valued in your life. Be honest and sincere about it. I promise that when you do that not only will the other person feel great about themselves, but you will feel wonderful about yourself as well.

Until the next time everyone...

Dr. D

Get To Know Me Outside of Business Before We Get Into Business

2009-07-20T09:54:00.000-07:00

Have you ever gotten a phone call from a telemarketer trying to sell you something? Or how about this...do you ever watch those late night infomercials trying to sell you a product that more than likely you don't need? I'm sure you are reading this saying I sure have. Well, the truth about is that these are just a few in your face selling ploys that we deal with on a daily basis if you think about it. Someone is always trying to sell us something or tell us that this product is one that we can't live without. I'm here to tell you that I do not believe that good business is done this way.

Good business is done by taking the time to really get to know your target audience and then building those relationships from there. My motto is simple when it comes to business..."GET TO KNOW ME OUTSIDE OF BUSINESS BEFORE WE GO INTO BUSINESS". The best business relationships are fostered over time. These are relationships where trust and respect are built. If I don't trust you and if I certainly don't respect you then I definitely will not do business with you.

I would say on a daily basis these days I get approached by various folks for different opportunities, but I only entertain the ones who have tried to cultivate a meaningful professional relationship with me. When I prospect for clients for personal training many times I will take months in building a relationship with a potential client before approaching training with them. It is the investment in getting to know them that is the most important.

You see, I'm not in it for an overnight success story. I'm in it for a long term success story. One of my close friends in The Ridges gives me financial and life advice and I listen intently each time he talks. He always tells me to "build your wealth methodically and carefully and develop solid relationships that you can depend on." I cannot mention this guy's name, but he is one of the elite businessmen here in Vegas and as I wrote in a past blog, if you want to be successful then make sure to attach yourself to successful people.

Overall, if you want to stand tall in life you have to create lasting and dependable relationships with others who share your vision and goals. Until the next time everyone.

Dr. D

Giving Up is Not An Option

2009-07-13T14:34:00.000-07:00

One of the first things you learn if you ever pursue the goal of obtaining your doctorate is that it is not about smarts, it is about perseverance. In a journey through higher education that is filled with politicis around every corner and infighting at every whim, you have to have thick skin and a helluva a lot of determination to navigate your degree to walk that stage during graduation. In many Ph.d programs many candidates walk in and very few walk out with their degree in hand. Why is that? One of the biggest factors is that people just don't stick it out even when things get tough in their program.

The interesting thing about this observation is that you can witness a similar thing in almost every facet of life. We as a society constantly start and stop things in search of greener pastures, but how much greener can something be if you never exhausted the possibilities of the previous opportunity? Now, don't get me wrong, sometimes you do need to bail out on a situation if it is harmful to you, but how many times do people bail out when things get slightly hard? I find this very true with people who begin exercise programs. As soon as things begin to get a little tough they question whether it will remain hard and how much more of this can I take? They never take the time to stick it out and see the adaptations the body makes and how your economy of effort decreases due to physiological adaptations.

In the end, what I'm really trying to say is that how we can achieve our greatest life goals if we constantly are putting them off for trivial reasons? Nothing that was passionately desired has ever been attained through stopping when things got tough. Ask yourself...why is it such sweet a feeling when you accomplish something hard? Well, probably because you can look back at the process of getting to that accomplishment and appreciate how hard it was because it helped to shape your feelings about attaining your goal. Think about it...how many people say "I feel so gratified to have reached this goal because of the short amount of time and effort it took for me to reach it?"

Until next time everyone. Have a great day and remember...don't give up on something that you really want to accomplish.

Dr. D

Tell Someone You Believe in Them

2009-07-05T20:10:00.000-07:00

As a manager, personal trainer and group exercise instructor I get the wonderful honor of serving others in various capacities at work. There are many ways to serve people and in each of these areas I have tried to express my gratitude in serving my employees, clients and class participants. One of the best ways to express thankfulness to others is through simply telling them how much you care about them.

You see, one of the greatest gifts you can give another human being is to express them verbally how much you care for them...how much you are honored to walk with them in helping them face the rough and calm winds of life. I want all of you who read this to think about other people in your life who mean so much to you. It doesn't matter who it is as long as it is someone who you value dearly in your life and who has touched you in a way that has made a difference to you. Have you told these people in your life how important they are to you? Have you said to them that their confidence in you means the world to you?

One of the greatest joys I have in this life is when I have that initial client consultation with a new client. One of my favorites parts is when I get the great privilege to tell my new client that it is my honor and my joy to take this new walk with them in their lives. When I see their faces light up when they know it is more than just training with me...that...is...priceless. Never have I received more internal joy than when my clients tell me they feel better about themselves. When they say "my self-esteem is so much higher" or "when I look in the mirror I can see the old me" that is the payoff. I have a client who e-mailed me and told me that she could fit back into her old jeans from over seven years ago. She left a little note that said thank you so much for helping me. In return when I have my sessions with this client I find it always important to tell this client and all of my clients at some point during the session when they are tired that "I believe in them". I love to tell them "I am here for you". You know the funny thing about this is that for many clients this is the only time they will hear those words...

As a husband, a son and a brother I recognize the importance of investing your heart and soul into others even when it means that you might get let down by the other people in your life. Caring for others and telling them you believe in them is a gift that you cannot buy with money or with coercion. The ability to connect with others on a level that is deeply entrenched in meaningful and genuine feelings is something that all people possess. You see...we are all in the service industry even if you don't think you are. People are our most precious commidity. People are our greatest treasure. Everyone....and I mean everyone at some point needs to throw a life line in the water to someone who desperately needs it.

So, ask yourself....whose life will you bless today or tomorrow by being there? Whose life will be changed because you cared enough to listen? Whose dreams will you help build because you took the time to give some of your time to that effort? We are all connected and we all...we all need each other.

Until next time everyone....

Dr. D

Don't Let Life Happen to You

2009-06-30T09:28:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone!

Have you ever known someone who is so passionate, so outgoing, so alive for living? No? That's because it is a rare thing to find, but in my life I have been fortunate to meet more than a few individuals whose passion for life and living life all out has inspired me. These rare people pump a new sense of wonder and exploration into me that gives me the incentive to reach for stars.

However, for every rarity there seems to be thousands of those who just let life happen to them. I'm sure you know many people in your life who complain about everything, never take personal responsiblity and just generally sit back and wait for good things to happen instead of going out and planting the seeds for greatness. These individuals without even knowing it stifle the progress of others and it takes a tremendously strong person to step out of the eclipse that is created by these individuals.

I'm here to tell you though that you will live a more fulfilling and purposeful life if you go out and make your life one for the record books. Our time on this earth is precious and short lived if you really think about. I don't know when the good Lord will request my homecoming, but in the mean time I want to live a life of service to others...of grace with others because really what else are you trying to accomplish on this earth? Affecting the lives of others in a positive way is a gift that you give that will never vanquish. Long after you are gone from this earth what you will leave will be your legacy and your impressions on others. Ask yourself...what will you leave behind? And more important in the present, what and who will you affect right here, right now?

We all have the capabilities to be great beacons of hope for others. Individually we are not too small to make greatness appear. You just have to have faith in yourself and others that you can make a difference and I know each of you can.

Thanks for your time everyone and attack and live life...don't let it just happen to you. Until next time.

Dr. D

What is Motivation?

2009-06-24T23:04:00.000-07:00

Can you define the word motivation? For many people motivation is a catch phrase that is said all of the time. However, few people actually know the true definition of the word. I can remember being a undergraduate student at JMU and one of my professors asking what was the definition of motivation. Well, in a room full of kinesiology majors none of us could come up with a really solid answer. But when we were presented with an operational definition of motivation it just made so much sense. Sage (1977) defined motivation simply as the intensity and direction of one's effort.

The genius in that definition is in its simplicity. Breaking this word down into this simple meaning provides each of us with a clear sense of who is motivated and who is not. For instance, have you ever known a person to be enrolled in college (direction), but they do not aim to excel in their school word (lack of intensity)? Well, that person is not motivated! Or how about something more closely related to fitness. How about a client who signs up for personal training sessions yet shows up late or never at all for their sessions? I think you know the answer to this one and...ding, ding, ding...you are right. No motivation.

What we learn from this definition is that motivation is a two-headed monster that must be focused upon in both areas in order to achieve motivation. Challenge yourself in whatever you do to have a solid direction and a high level of intensity. Think about many of your colleagues, friends or family members how have been highly successful in their lives. What is the common thread. You got it! They all probably have had great direction and intensity in what they do.

I challenge you right now to think about something you are working on or something you want to do and apply direction and intensity to it. I promise you that you will experience unparalled success in the timing that is right for that success. In the world of fitness, health and wellness I truly believe that it is our mission to have a direction towards helping others and a passion and will for to go along with that. So go out there and be motivated because your motivation for what you do is highly contagious.

Remember...Direction + Intensity = Motivation.

Enjoy everyone and have a great day!

Dr. D

You Want Success...Attach Yourself the Successful!

2009-06-16T17:16:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone!

Have you ever seen people who look at others who are highly successful and are jealous of them? Have you seen how they "hate" on people who have accomplished alot. Why is that? Why are they so negative towards someone who has worked hard to earn what they have? One of the things I believe is that people who do that are just so insecure about their own life. There is no need for that because you can be successful too!

The biggest way to earn your success is to attach yourself to someone who is highly successful in the field that you are in or want to be in. I always tell my former students, colleaegues and anyone who will listen that you have to get close to those who can help you accomplish your goals. There is no such thing as a one man or woman show. I dare you to talk to anyone who has achieved a lot who says they did it all on their own. We are people who rely on the cooperation and openness of others to help pave our paths in life.

So, the question you must ask yourself is are you open to others helping you? If so then you will go far no matter what profession you are in. The connections between people are the glue of our society. Connect to with others honestly and sincerely and you will certainly see your own success blossom.

Thanks for reading everyone! Until next time...

Dr. D

Slow Down...and Listen

2009-06-09T23:38:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone!

I'm back again with another installment of my blog and today's entry is all about slowing down in life. Now, I must say that I am one of the busiest people around, but I do take moments (sometimes a moment leads to an hour or two) in my day when I just sit and reflect upon my life and soak in everything. Today, while I was at my job at Club Ridges, I got a chance to sit outside next to our pool and just take in the beautiful weather and think about how great it is to be alive and enjoy this life. To many times I see people working non-stop and never taking time to sit back and just release themselves from the grind of life.

Now I know the grind is important, but so is your peace of mind. That is why I highly recommend taking an hour or two in your day and letting yourself be free of whatever you are doing that is keeping you busy. Many people think I'm busy beyond belief, but the reality is that I'm busy in isolated times because I set aside time for myself to be engaged in the slow down of life. When nothing is going on and there is just that still feeling in the air, I like to zone out and let my mind just slip into a vaccuum of nothingness. I find that when you slow down and relax you find lots of inspiration and creativity. People ask me all the time how I come up with my ideas for things like Connect to Fitness and other business ideas, etc. My main answer is always that I look for the things that are not currently in the market and I go for that. However, my other answer is that I just sit back and chill many times and let things just come to me.

I'm a very organized person and my life has a ton of structure to it. However, one of things I have been doing lately to slow down my and enjoy my life is to abandon structure in certain things. One thing I never structure is when I meet new people during my networking for Connect to Fitness. No questions, no pre-planned ideas of how we can help each other....nothing. I just let the other person talk and I listen. I allow my mind to be free of a response or a reaction. I just purely stay in the moment and absord what that person is saying to me. It is then, when my mind is relaxed and focused, that I come up with my best ideas and future ventures.

So, I guess my whole point is take time and smell the roses in your life. You have much to be thankful for and you have much to gain from slowing down and listening more intently. Thanks for reading again everyone. Later!

Dr. D

Change is Gonna Come...

2009-06-02T00:12:00.000-07:00

In this life there are not a lot of uncertainties, but one that certain is the fact that change is always going to come. I like to think of the ever-changing landscape of our lives as an adventure that can be scary and happy at the same time. Sometimes the changes can be overwhelming big and dramatic....and sometimes they can be subtle and barely a blip on our radar screens. No matter how big or small change is in your life, the point is that change is constantly occurring.

Those who do not adapt to the change are destined to stunt progress and growth in their lives. While change can be difficult and tough, it does prepare us for the trials and triumphs that we will face in the years to come. I am reminded about how difficult it is to deal with change when I go to work each day and work with individuals who come to me for help in changing their hearts, bodies and minds for fitness and wellness. We sit down during the assessment and I gauge how ready they are to make a commitment to changing their behavior in exericse to one that is desirable. Now through the many assessments and training sessions that I've done in my time I can say that there are very few people who are willing to make the jump to a permanent behavior change, but it only takes one person to do that to make it all worth it.

Committing to dealing with change is a tough call because you have to be adaptable, be accountable and be steady in handling the baggage that comes with change. I'm here to tell you that change is a course that is not full of smooth sailing. Throughout the course of change in exericse or just change in everyday life we veer off the path and we forget our way. We want to believe that things will stay the same so we revert back to things that once were.

In the movie "Hearts of Atlantis" a grown up Bobby says something that has stuck with me for many years about home. He says, "Why do we always expect home to stay the same? Nothing else does." It is true, nothing stays the same. That is why it is absolutely imperative that we attach ourselves to those who can help guide us during the good and bad times of change. I guess what I am saying is that in these times we are living in and in any times that people have lived in that we need always need each to weather the storms of our lives. You see...change is going to come. We are an everlasting wheel of surprises and really...would you have it any other way?

Thanks for reading everyone!

Having a Healthy Heart is a Two Sided Affair

2009-05-24T23:00:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!

You know I work in a job where I see people everyday trying to strengthen their hearts by exercising for 30-45 minutes on a machine, running outside, etc. I know as a professional that exercising, and in particular cardiovascular exercise, does wonders for a person's cardiovascular system. The human heart is an amazing muscle that is highly adaptable when an aerobic stimulus is placed upon it over a period of time. For instance, when a gradual overload or stimulus of cardiovascular exercise is placed up on the heart the heart does this amazing thing...it improves upon it's self. Various aspects of the heart increase to include ventricular wall thickness, stroke volume, cardiac output, blood volume, filling time and the list goes on and on. The heart is truly amazing.

However, one thing that I know from life experiences is that a healthly heart requires more than just a gradual stimulus of cardiovascular exercise. A healthly heart in the emotional and less tangible sense of the phrase is very much predicated by how much we give of our heart to others. Ask yourself...how often do you give your heart to someone else or something that is worthy of it? How often do you share your passion and love for that which inspires you with others?

The other day after leaving church with my wife we had a great conversation in the car about how we as people should share our heart and passion for things with others more often. How sad is it when someone has a heart that is bursting with talent and greatness, but they refuse to let it shine for others to see? I believe that it is highly selfish to withhold your heart from others. Your heart is cherished and valued always. Your heart and your passion can be the difference in someone's life. Now you might say "how do you know that?" However, I will then say "how do you not know that?". Life is not lived by hiding in the sunlight, but by shining in the darkness.

What we possess in our heart is the abiltiy to change the landscape of not only our lives, but that of others who need you more than you know. You see a healthly heart has two sides...one side that adapts physiologically through exercise and one side that flourishes through things that cannot be measured by things such as cardiac output or a decrease in resting heart rate. No...the measure of the emotional and spiritual side of your heart is counted in the difference you make when you put your heart forward for someone else.

Thank you for reading everyone and I'll be checking in again next week. Thanks!

Dr. D

Uncharted Territory

2009-05-18T21:18:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone!

I recently returned from an eye opening Alaskan cruise vacation and I'm feeling pretty relaxed even after a busy first day of work. One of the great things about Alaska that I saw was the untapped beauty that surrounded you at every turn. I wondered to myself...sometimes it can be so amazing when humans do not leave their imprint on certain places in the world. Alaska seemed to be a place completely isolated from the rest of world. Up there you could be lost in the haze of clouds, waterfalls, iceburgs and glaciers. The plush green trees and frigid waters reminded me of how tough yet beautiful life can be. Alaska truly is the final frontier and after going I realized that there is still much to life I have no clue about. It is uncharted and untouched.

You see...all of us are in uncharted territory. We face it everyday without you even knowing it. Everyday brings new challenges and great promise. If you really think about it...our lives are on course for uncharted territories each day. We know not what will happen from day to day, minute to minute, second to second. However, I think that is the great thing about life. You never know what is going to come around the corner. Sometimes it is a wonderful surprise and sometimes it is difficult news. Either way I feel blessed that in this life I have experienced much and I know that I have more to see that will widen my horizons. I'm ready to soar into the uncharted territories of this life and see what happens.

Have faith my friends and always, always know what there is a path that is laid out for you. Share your talents with others so that you may be a vehicle to help to positively influence the life of another. If you are a great painter...paint a masterful work of art for someone who will cherish your work. If you have the gift of speaking and influence then be a calming light to someone in a difficult spot. Whatever your talent is...take the time to nuture it and grow so that it may be used to chart a course of happiness in the uncharted territories of life that we all face.

Thanks for your time again everyone. May you be blessed in all that you do. Later!

Dr. D

Get Your Mind Right

2009-05-04T09:13:00.000-07:00

When I was collegiate track and field sprinter in college I went through some of the most hellish workouts you could ever think of. For many people running was a punishment in the other sports that they played, but for me and the other sprinters it was just a way of life every day. I can remember it like it was yesterday...Coach Walton would come into the hall where we all sat before practice and he would be fired up. On Monday's he would let us know the workouts for the entire week and after he ran down the list everyone just got rally sick to their stomachs because the workouts seemed impossible. Coach would then get on a rant and say "Gentelmen, we are going to open the barn doors and let the thoroughbreads come out!" He would also say "respect yourself during the workout...do not sit down or waste what you have done. Prepare yourselves mentally!".

Each week we would get the same speech and have that same queezy feeling. Before each practice you could see the fear in each guy's eyes. All of us tough and strong sprinters were shook each day because we truly believed we were going to hell and back with our workouts....but then again...10 300's or 10 400's will do that to you. Running was our passion and our pain. For four years we went out there with the fear of knowing that that their would be an unbelieveable amount of pain coursing through our veins, but we got out there and did it.

One of the things all of the guys would say to each other before we started each workout was "get your mind right". When going through some of the toughest workouts you could imagine you had to get your mind right or you were done. Once you checked out mentally it was game over. So, we worked as a team and as the captain of the squad it was my job to make sure the guys were ready to tackle the workouts with their mental game on point. We thrived on the challenge, we came together through the dog tired last sets of the workouts when you could just see the energy being sucked from our bodies...when guys had what I liked to call "dead eyes". There was nothing behind those eyes...just a pleading to get it over with to stop the pain. But even in those moments we still had to "get our minds right" for one last interval. It was in those moments that I saw many sprinters rise to the challenge to hit their times even in the face of unwilting exhaustion. I was proud of my guys and to this day I can remember those times and remember for four years we sucked it up and were warriors every day. No excuses, no laying down...ever.

As I think about my life today, it is totally different from those collegiate track and field days, but the same principles apply. No matter who I talk to or who I come in contact with I make sure to tell them that when you work with me you better "get your mind right". You better come with a consistency in your effort because that's what I require and that's what you should require for yourself. While it is human nature to have some lapses in effort, you must do your best to be as consistent as possible in whatever you love to do and in things you hate to do. You control your effort and you control your thoughts. "Get your mind right".

When you are faced with adversity, tough decisions and circumstances that seem overwhelming...focus yourself and get that mind of yours in position to overcome those odds. You see, you don't have to be a college or pro athlete to be a champion. You can be a champion in life through your unwilting mental attitude to not comprise who you are and to work hard for what you want. Nothing is free and nothing is earned without the respecting yourself and what you bring to the table in whatever you do. Do not give up on yourself! Do not give up when things get hard...get better, get stronger and get tougher.

So, ask yourself...what will you conquer today? What will you fight for today that will make you mentally and physically tougher. As my mentor Dr. McMillin always says "focus and then refocus". Find your strength and then never let anyone take it away from you. Never, never...let anyone take your power and that first begins with "getting your mind right".

Thanks for reading everyone!

Don't Settle For Less

2009-04-28T00:31:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone!

You know when I was on the dating scene back in the day I had one big rule...never settle for less. I always knew that the woman that I would end up with would be one that I wanted and had to spend the rest of my life with. I am happy to say that my wife Michelle has fulfilled all of my dreams of marriage. I never settled for just any woman and because of that I have this wonderful woman to share my life with. Now, while never settling for less is a great rule of thumb for dating, it is also a great rule of thumb for life in general.

Ask yourself, have you settled for less than you deserve in life? Are you letting circumstances, past events or just your fear hold you back from reaching your potential. If so, I challenge you to break away from that thinking and live a life full of moving towards something bigger than yourself. You DESERVE to have the best because you are uniquely made to propser in this world. By settling for less you are taking a beaten and disconneted life.

Speaking of connection, my networking group Connect to Fitness, was created for the purpose of plugging people in to opportunities to grow and blossom their talents and ambitions. I see such potential and promise in so many people, but then again at the same time I'm seeing more and more people settling into a life that is lacking goals and direction. You are more than that and you are better than that. And you know what the best part about success and going for what you deserve and are worth of? Is that you have a choice in the matter. You do not have to be bound by your environment or your current situation. While that may make it hard, it does not excuse a behavior of self pity and I can't do it attitude. No, no...you are capable and you are built to thrive. I read a great quote one time that sums it..."Your environment growing up may have contributed to how you are, but it does not have to contribute to who you will become". The ball is in your court everyone...

Ask yourself...how will you seize the plethora of opportunities in your life to become not what you are supposed to be, but what you are meant to be?

Thanks for reading everyone!

Think Big...Then Follow Through

2009-04-20T06:42:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard of the Great Intentions Club? Well, you might know this club because it is composed of great ideas, amazing inventions and promises upon promises of starting a new project that will be the next big thing. Have you heard of this club? Ok, you got me...it is not an official club, but it does have many members. In this unofficial club thinking big is just that...thinking big. Some of the greatest ideas come from people in this unofficial club, but some of the greatest advances come from people in another club. This club's name is called "The Think Big and Follow Through Club".

Today, I want to talk about thinking big...and then following through. When I meet with people every week one of the greatest things that come out of our meetings are wonderful ideas to help others. We get wrapped up in the moment and start rattling off things that can be done. However, there is one key thing that happens in those meetings before we leave...a plan for follow through. You know thinking big means nothing without thinking and planning your follow through. I've never met a successful person in any business who thrived on coming up with great ideas with no follow through. We must be people of ideas, commitments and follow through.

One of the most difficult things to recognize with us as people is that we sometimes don't follow through because we are afraid of the expectations that come with being committed to something or someone. Some people honestly believe that having no expectations means that when they do anything little right that it will be seen as a great triumph. That is sad. You see when you become a person of big ideas and huge follow through then people will expect that behavior from you constantly. Is that such a bad thing? No way! Improving your standards of excellence can only help you grow as a person. Becoming reliable and trustworthy are incredibly important in this day and age. Being a person of action, follow through and common courtesy will take you a long way. And the funny thing is that we as a society are so surprised when people are courteous and kind. It is like when comedian Chris Rock does his bit on stage about being a Dad. He says why do guys get all proud when they say things like "I take care of my kids". Chris Rock responds by saying "You are supposed to take care of your kids!!". I feel that way about common courtesy and follow through. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE COURTEOUS AND DO WHAT PEOPLE ASK OF YOU!".

So, I'm challenging everyone who reads this blog to become people of action and follow through. Take your big ideas and channel them into something that's doable. Many times that is the issue. You have a great idea and you want to do it, but don't know how to channel it to make it happen. Create a plan or get with someone who can help focus your plan. Great success stories happen because of ideas that were launched into action! Don't sit on the sidelines of your life and wait for something great to happen to you because guess what? It will not happen. That's like saying you are going to go fishing, but you never cast your line out into the water. You just sit in the boat and wait for fish to come to you.

So ask yourself...what is your big idea and how are you going to focus it to make it happen. We are here for each other people. Every great idea that had action had help as well. As I told a colleague of mine..."there is no self-made man". Your success will always be a combination of your spirit of leadership and your openness to trust others to help you along the way. If you think big and follow through big then you are contributing to the growth of others as well. Great ideas with action plans not only help the person who had the idea, but also other people who want to become involved. Thanks for your time everyone! Until the next time...

Dr. D

You are Worthy of Success

2009-04-11T22:22:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter Everyone!

This weekend is a weekend for reflection and rememberance. We celebrate the resurrection of Jesus from the grave. The meaning of Easter and how it affects us is central to our lives. Jesus died for our sins and provided the ultimate ticket for our eternal grace. While we remember our heavenly blessings this weekend, I also believe it is important to remember our earthly blessings and purpose.

On this earth it is important to remember that you have a purpose and you have gifts bestowed upon you that you can share with others in the world. One of the things I believe God wants is for us to not be stagnant people. He wants us to be people with a purpose, people with a mission to go out and affect the lives of others positively. I truly don't believe that we are meant to live life in the middle. We are meant to live a life where we go out and follow the path and opportunities that are laid upon us. I compare it to a coaching staff with a game plan. The coaching staff puts together a solid plan to win the game and asks the athletes to go out and execute that plan. When teams commit penalites and fouls and do not follow the game plan then that team usually loses the game. In life, we have a game plan, you have your talents and abilities and it is up to YOU to get out there and follow and execute the plan. It is your job to go out in this life and make things happen. Don't live a life in the middle. A life in the middle is a life where you don't make mistakes and where you don't take chances to follow your path. Do you want that life?

YOU ARE WORTHY OF SUCCESS!

You are worthy of placing yourself out there in life and using your gifts to affect the lives of others in a great way! It is always funny to me when people have a car that they keep in the garage for years and don't drive it. They say "I don't want to put the miles on it or I just want to keep it clean and nice." Or what about when people have rooms in houses where they forbid other people from going in. They say "this room is not to be entered. Don't go in this room." I'm sure you may have known people who are like this and you think the same thing as me....why even have that car or that room? Live a little! Get dirty!

Cars are meant to be driven, rooms are meant to be lived in or spent time in. You create great memories and experiences in cars and rooms. Ask yourself...why are you staying out of the rooms of your life? Are you sitting in the car waiting for a reason to turn that key to get that engine roaring? While you might want to keep that key dangling without turning on the car that is your life, where will that get you? You need to take the wheel in your life and see what you can do. You have a purpose...you were made to be great in your own unique way. Capture that and do something about it. While you might have various circumstances that make it hard for you to move on everything you want to do, you need to work on what you can do to move forward in your life.

Realize this, the biggest limits that we place are the ones that we place on ourselves. Don't hold back. Put yourself out there because I will tell you this, nothing will just be given to you. The job you want will not just drop out of the sky. You have to put in the work to prepare and follow through for it. You will not have a great marriage if you don't put all of you out there and work at it. You have to put your heart on the line...make peace with your insecurities and be open to growing into the person that God so badly wants you to be. The catch is that you have to go out there and get it! My wife heard a great quote that she shared with me on this topic. It goes like this "God gives each bird their food, but he doesn't throw it in their nest".

YOU ARE WORTHY OF SUCCESS! GO AND GET IT!

You know I meet with quite a few people every week to network about fitness and wellness. I truly enjoy talking to people and helping them in any way I can. I have found it interesting that many of the people that are willing to meet with me are people who are open, honest and so passionate about finding their way in fitness for a better life. They are willing to do the work and be people of action and follow through. On the other hand, I am continually saddened by people in my profession who do not reach out for help or if I try to reach out don't follow through after we meet. I WANT TO SEE YOU SUCCEED! Your happiness is important to me and I want you to believe that. I believe in you and I'm here for you. Remember....

YOU ARE WORTHY OF SUCCESS!

As I end this blog I want each of you to know that I really enjoy your comments about the blog. I have gotten such positive feedback about it. It makes me feel so good that many of you find inspiration and joy in reading my blog. Thanks so much! Until the next time...enjoy your Easter weekend and get psyched for what you can accomplish in your life!

Taking Time to Rewind

2009-04-06T08:41:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone,

This past week has been a challenging week to say the least. However, I have learned quite a bit about how much rewinding to the past can affect your present. Recently, my wife and I sat down and had a great talk about our marriage and all of the things that have made up who we have become as people today. While I believe that God hard wires us to be much of who we are, we are also very influenced by the environment and circumstances that we come from.

For me, growing up in a military family was a wonderful experience, but also a very difficult experience that has continued to affect the very essence of who I am today. As a teenager I was sort of a strange kid and people knew it. I was not very social, I was very awkward around others, etc. I can remember moving from Richmond Hill, Georgia where I went to Richmond Hill High School to Springfield, Virginia where I went to Robert E. Lee High School. Richmond Hill was a very tiny high school and when we moved to Springfield I came into a very large high school. I remember wanting to walk the halls before the school year started so I would not be scared of the building. I used to eat lunch with no one and just sit on the ground during lunch. I was odd and the only thing that gave me friendship was being involved in sports. I had a few friends and I think we all were somewhat on the "outside" when it came to high schoool politics. Either way, I can remember feeling so down and out. So lonely some days like I did not fit. I defintely hid a shell and created my own world. In fact I still do that with people in my life to a certain extent.

While going to college helped to get me out of my shell and be more open and outgoing, I still struggle with periods when I just want to be completely isolated and alone. And I know that hurts my family membes sometimes when I become that way because I miss out on nice things sometimes. Different people in my life ask me if I miss living back on the east coast where my family is or if I want to move back and I always tell them "no". They always seem perplexed and say don't you want your parents and family close when you have kids, etc. And to that I say its not about that for me. Of course my future children will be around their grandparents and uncles and will have a close relationship with them, but we don't have to live around them for that to happen. I like living far way from home. I like the excitement of seeing them after missing my family after not seeing them for a while. We focus more on the good things and being closer when we haven't seen each other in a long time. We laugh, joke and smile more when we miss each other. It is the longing, the missing and the anticipation of seeing someone after a long time that gives me butterflies. I love that....

For me the "rewind" comes in again. I was the kid who went to summer baseball camp for the Mets and never called my parents. I was the kid who loved being away and had that independent spirit. When I went off to college it was like it was made for me, a place where I could spread my wings and fly. Now that doesn't mean I did not love the home my parents built for us, but you have to understand that while being in a military family helped me to rely on my family, but it also helped me learn how to live away from my family. When my father went off to war in the early nineties that shaped me too because I hardened myself while I was gone. I retreated into myself because I had to. I learned to live without him while he was gone even though I missed him dearly. Now, I'm working on being more social as evidence by me creating a networking group, reaching out to people for dinner or coffee, etc. but I still struggle...

I still decline some events because I retreat into the myself because I just want to be left alone. I wish it wasn't like that, but like I said I am working on that and I am sorry to all the people that I have hurt with this mentality. However, I want each of them to understand that part of my hard wiring is my sense of independence and getting away from the hustle and bustle of people and everyday life. If you told me that my wife and I did not have to work and we could do anything we would disappear from the United States and backpack the world and sail the seas. I'm serious, nothing would be better than to jet out into the world and make new experiences and memories and to leave behind the routines of life. I think that is why I like camping so much. Shel and I love it because it is a chance to be isolated from the realities of everyday life. The first time I went hiking I knew it had to become a regualr occurence for me because of that. It is like we disappear off the map when we go hiking and the hard wiring in me loves that.

So, as I rewind in my life about the person that I was and the person that I am now, I realize that I am a work in progress and will always be. I'm going to continue to make mistakes and hurt others even when I swear that I won't hurt them ever again. And why? Because I'm human and all I can do is ask for their forgiveness and look to the Lord to help me become a better person each and everyday. I'm working on it for sure.

I apologize that this blog was not as uplifting as my other ones might have been, but I feel that sometimes it is good to take a moment to be serious and dig deep into what makes me tick and why I am the way I am. I've come along way as a person over the last 10 years and I hope that in the next 10 years I continue to improve as a person that I can be more compassionate and caring for others. I hope that by learning more about me that I will focus more on the needs of others, which is something that I want to do more of.

Thanks for reading everyone. Have a great day!

Take time to Be Still

2009-03-29T19:03:00.000-07:00

What Up Everyone!

This past week has been a physically exhausting one with all the workouts that I participated in with teaching my classes, training with my clients and getting a great core session in with my buddy Nick Calles. I'm not sure what other trainers do during the week for workouts, but with me I hustle hard every week with my classes and clients. I push it to the limit in my classes because honestly I will never let one of my class participants out work me and with my training sessions we have a friendly competition when we train together. As my wife likes to say "you do this to yourself". She is right, but I just don't have an off switch when it comes to working out so each workout is like the last one I might ever do in my life! And in actuality, I have trouble turning that switch off in life in general. Strange, I know, but being driven is just part of my DNA. Without my drive I don't think I would have gone to college on a track scholarship or finished my Ph.D or be married to such a wonderful woman. My drive has also given me a close relationship with the Lord and for that I am so thankful.

However, there comes a time when we need to be still. Sometimes my life is very hectic with work, networking meetings, etc., but I know that one must take the time to experience life in silence. One of the greatest places to feel a sense of stillness is in the great outdoors. Shel and I went hiking this past weekend to Gold Strike Springs, which is located right outside of Boulder City, NV. As we hiking down to the hot springs we took several moments to stop and listen to the sound of nothingness. The sound of silence is actually deafening when you take all of the static, distortion and business out of it. During hiking I feel a sense of peace and oneness with the earth. I am able to connect and feel a sense of calm and peace within my soul. When Shel and I reached the warm springs we dipped out feet in it and it was so nice. I can just feel the stress of the past week falling away and we looked at each other and smiled. What a wonderful way to spend a Saturday morning!

Still, even if hiking isn't your thing, there are plenty of things you can do to be still. Take some time each week and turn off your cell phones, TV's and whatever else makes sound. Experience life in a peaceful mindset where nothing can get a hold of you, where nothing can interrupt you. You know I once saw a show where they were supposed to take this man's cell phone, blackberry, etc. from him for a a few days to see how he could function without them. Well, sad to say, he lasted only a few hours before he was actually crying and yelling "I need my cell phone back! I can't deal with this!!!". Can you believe that! It was quite comical, but also very scary. It said a little bit about the state of our society. The silence was killing this guy and sometimes I believe that many other people could be falling into this dependency. So, try to experience life in its simplest forms just for a bit each week and I guarantee you that you will feel more connected to yourself and the people around you.

This upcoming week brings Shel and I closer to our Alaskan vacation. We have about a month left until we head to Seattle to catch our cruiseship to the final frontier. We are both very excited and one big reason is that we will be able to have more time being still and enjoying the laziness and laid back aspects of life. We plan on disconnecting from clocks, phones, e-mail, etc. Should be nice to just eat dinner, dance, explore and be still in the wonderment of the ice cold lanscape of Alaska. Can you tell I'm looking forward to getting away from everything for a bit? haha! I looking forward to being refreshed both mentally and physically. Now, this does not mean I won't workout on vacation because that is just part of who I am. I usually get in about 3 structured workouts on the cruiseship and two unstructured workouts off the ship. All in all...Shel and I have never gained one pound in our cruise adventures and we plan on keeping it that way! haha!

Still no word on our new house building situation. Just waiting on the city to approve the resubmittal of the house plans. The city moves slow, but you know what...I've got time and I will be patient. I know it will work out in our favor whenever the house gets built. Hey, the mortgage rates are at a crazy 4.6% or something like that and the price of the home went down $10,000 so we will be getting that price! All in all we are waiting patiently, but it would be nice to hear the plans got approved and that building will begin. All in due time.

At work this week looks like I will have a full training week. We also have a all-staff meeting on April 4th and a staff mixer at Road Runner afterwards. Then Sunday I will be doing a guest speaking engagement for PFI on my usual topic: Residential and Corporate Fitness. Should be a fun week!

Until the next time everyone, may you be blessed and please enjoy the silence!

One at a Time...

2009-03-22T23:03:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!

I write this blog with a big smile on my face! Yes! Today was the first networking event for my networking group called "Connect to Fitness". 18 people showed up the event so I was very pleased! What really touched me about the event was that 2-3 people there either got job leads or were offered work. I mean, you just can't beat that. Now imagine if all 38 people who confirmed had showed up? The possiblilities are endless! Each person that I saw was so friendly and nice. Just seeing a collection of fitness professionals who cared so much was so neat. I really feel like we accomplished something great today. Man, I'm pumped. It is about connecting one person at a time and making a difference in people's lives.

And I think that is what the real message of my entry today in my blog. In order to reach people you have to stick your neck out and believe in connecting with people. Even as I'm typing on this technology based medium, I still believe we need face to face time with each other. As my buddy Ernie said today at the event..."things like facebook and myspace only go so far. Meeting in person is the connection that ties it together". I couldn't agree more with what Ernie said. When you invest into positivity, hope and a genuine follow through with others then what you get in return is absolutely amazing.

You know someone once told me that bad news spreads like a wild fire, but that good news spreads one person at a time. While it seems doing good and making connections takes a lot of time, it is totally worth it because you meet so many great people. For those people who did not come to the event I hope for them that they hear the good reports by people who attended the event. I want my Vegas fitness and wellness professionals to come out in full force. None of us knows the secret of anything. We are all open books waiting for each chapter to be filled with knowledge from each other. I'm thankful that so many people tonight gave of themselves to help others. I'm a fortunate man to have the opportunity to influence the lives of others and in the end that is the greatest gift that one can give...the gift of impacting another life in a positive way. It is to easy to just work on me, but how about working on helping another?

It is my goal that the networking events will grow into bigger events, breakout sessions for seminars and even a conference. If there is one thing that I know is that nothing happnes in life if we just sit around and wait for it to happen. God lays down the opportunities and it is our jobs to not close those windows of opportunities. Make sure you make life happen instead of letting life happen to you. We are not promised forever on this earth so while you are here make it count. Don't look back and think what if?

In other news, this past week has been very good. I ended off my week with a light training load and a fun group exercise class that I taught. Michelle and I went out to dinner and listened to a lounge band at the Tropicana. I am reminded how beautiful my wife is when we go out with our friends. When I see her out her beauty is radiant just as it is at home. That woman is my rock, my shelter and my comfort. I'm so thankful to have her in my life along with the other people who make my life so full and plentiful. We headed back home after our good time and then awoke in the morning to peace and quiet. I tell you what, as I age I am becoming more aware of how great life can be if you focus on the greatness in it. Some people say that life is complicated, but I say that life is simple if you see it through thankful eyes. So many are hurting out there and in need. I thank God that I have the breath in my lungs, the power in my legs and the strength in my soul.

A big shout out goes to my great helpers today at the networking event. Matt, thanks for always being loyal and willing to help. You have a great future young man! Parisa, what can I say...thanks for always being a great friend. Your support is amazing. I have great people in my life and I think that is because positive attracts positive. Think about it people....think positive, get positive, think negative...get negative. Keep it on the positive tip and I will talk to you guys next time. Later!

The Everyday Harvest

2009-03-15T11:07:00.001-07:00

Hey Everyone!

I'm sure many of you growing up learned about how farmers harvest their crops during certain seasons once they have become ripe for the picking. One of the things I remember as a child was going to my great-great grandfather's farm in North Carolina and picking green beans out in the fields. I remember that it was a beautiful day as dusk was setting in. I remember my little hands picking the greens and being so happy and excited to help the family prepare for dinner. As the night fell I remember it being an opportunity for me to be more involved on the farm on our visit down there. And it was that "opportunity" that really excited me as I helped to harvest those green beans.

In our own lives we have harvesting opportunities everyday. We don't have to wait for opportunities to rippen in our lives to gain something from them. Nope, our opportunity to take a hold of what we want to do is right in front of us each and everyday. Think about it....take a moment really quick while you are reading this blog and think about all the of harvesting opportunities that are around you where you are sitting. What action can you take right now to affect your circumstances or someone elses? If you have a significant other or a spouse and they are not home right now then you could write them a loving note.....you could send a good friend an e-mail of encouragement or maybe you could after reading this blog take a walk and ponder about the things you are thankful for. Whatever it is, opportunities to harvest are everywhere around you. You just have to be open to pulling up your sleeves and putting your hands in the dirt to see what you will find. I can tell you this...what you will find will be beyond what you thought it could be.

Michelle and I had dinner with her boss Pat and her husband Gene a few weeks ago and I'm always inspired by them. Pat is in her late 60's and Gene is in his 70's and when they talk about the lives they have lived it is just amazing. Pat and Gene have planted seeds in this life, they have cultivated this life and seen the seeds that they planted blossom into a beautiful and full life. As I like to say they "attacked life"! Because of this Pat and Gene have seen so many sides to this planet and their life has been a wonderful adventure of rewarding jobs, a great big family full of great memories and a love that has been a consistent and powerful example of two people coming together as one. Pat and Gene's harvest is an example of taking the opportunities in life and maximizing them.

I hope to follow Pat and Gene's example in my own marriage and more importantly I hope to follow the plans that God has for me in my marriage. I want to continue to pursue my wife's heart and spirit so that she will know that our harvest is one that needs to be gathered everyday to keep us healthy. Whether it is in a marriage, a friendship, etc. my wish for each of us is that is we will see the abundance of opportunities everyday in our lives and take advantage of them. Although we are in a tough economy that does not mean that opportunities aren't available to us. The only thing that limits our opportunities is....us. We place our own limits on ourselves and each other. So, take some time to pour into each other in a positive way. Take the time to plant seeds of encouragment into family, friends, and co-workers. Watch how those seeds will grow within each person and watch how they will affect others in a positive way.

You see, we affect each person that we meet no matter how big or small we are involved in their lives. Be mindful of how you pour into others because we are all connected. We are all joined by our behaviors and our behaviors affect others on a daily basis. So, how will you behave towards those you are in contact with today and the days coming up? Carefully harvest your opportunities with others everyday.

I'm happy to say that this week has been another one of learning more and more about myself and others. I feel like a each week I'm learning more and more about tolerance, patience and care because of the people and place that I work. Working with residents of the Ridges community allows me to form bonds with so many different people from many walks of life. I learn from them and hopefully they learn from me some things. Together we are all growing and that is what I look for in a job. A place where I can grow and have an impact and be impacted by others. However, I'm also aware that Club Ridges is a season in my life that will not always be there. I have no doubt that my Account Executive at WTS will come knocking on my door in the future to lead me to run a new property that we will probably have in Vegas. While I'm ready for that opportunity, I'm also aware that what I have now is absolutely wonderful. I'm thankful for what I have and will always because change is inevitable when upward mobility is encouraged in a company like WTS.

Patience is something that Shel and I have been working on big time lately with our house plans. As many of you know we purchased the lot and plans for a home to built a few months ago. Well, because of having to get the plans re-submitted due to new rules by the city of Las Vegas we have been in a holding pattern with getting approval to build our house. While it has been very frustrating there are blessings in this situation as well. Our harvesting opportunity is that the price of the house went down $10,000 and we will be getting that new price. Also, the extra time allows to better plan for our move as it would have been very difficult to move while getting ready for our Alaska vacation in May. So, we are choosing to take advantage of the opportunities that this extra time is providing for us.

One of those opportunities has been Shel and I taking more time to talk about this upcoming year and how children will play into that. We are standing at the cusp of starting to make the decision to try for children. And while that is exciting we still have a few more months we are committing to further discussions and praying to make sure our hearts and minds are in the right place to begin this journey. Soon enough in 2009 we hope to be embarking on that part of our lives.

Well, thanks for reading my blog everyone. I hope this one was particularly helpful and encouraging for everyone. Many of you have told me that you read my blog and my buddy Parisa even said it is in her favorites list! Yes! haha! Anyways, thanks to everyone for reading again and for taking the time to harvest this opportunity to read my words. Thanks!

Networking Like Its Going Out of Style

2009-03-08T20:55:00.001-07:00

Hey Everyone!

This past week was a very good one! The weather started to turn around here in Vegas and my networking event on March 22nd is drawing a nice amount of interest. So far 33 people have confirmed for the event! I look forward to greeting each person as they walk through the door at Remedy's. Big up to the owner of the bar who is a client of mine. He is providing free appetizers and is going to make the event look really nice for us. My partner in crime Parisa Cooke, the other manager at Club Ridges, will help me host the event and we have some decent surprises up our sleeve for the attendees.

I decided this year that I really wanted to move forward with making a difference in getting people in the Vegas fitness and wellness scene together. We all can do so much good if we work together for a common good. We all basically know each other from talking to other people. This I believe will be the beginning of a great thing for us fitness professionals in Vegas. This first networking event is just the beginning of a plan to invest into other people in the Vegas fitness scene. I hope that others will join me in this adventure. My dream is to have these networking events turn into huge throw downs of fitness professionals here in Vegas. While we may be starting small, I hope to eventually move us into large conference rooms with vendors, etc. Who knows, maybe I'll start an official fitness and wellness association and spread it across the country! I know it can happen and I believe that many of my colleagues will get on board. One thing about me is I'm not a wait around and "think about it" guy. I get things done and move full steam ahead. There's no room for staying neutral with me. Let's do this! March 22nd baby at Remedy's! I'm ready to take networking to the next level with all of my colleagues. Are you guys ready?

In other news...

This past week I saw a nice steady flow of clients since everyone is finally getting over having colds and getting through their allergies. This week looks to be a very nice week for clients and group exercise at Club Ridges. As we approach the middle of March I see things looking up big time at Club Ridges and in life in general. At the club we have seen a nice jump in usage. As people in The Ridges hunker down for surviving these tough economic times, they have begun to make Club Ridges more a part of their lives. We the staff there could not be happier.

Personally, I am getting excited about my wife and going on a vacation in May. We have not been on a vacation in ages. It is time to enjoy life and we've worked hard to do just that. We are gearing up for our 7 day Alaskan cruise vacation. We have never been on vacation to Alaska, but it is one our "must see" destinations and we saved up for a good year and half to afford it. My parents come to town to visit in June and then this summer we will be visiting Kansas to check in on our house we own there. Our current renter, who has been wonderful, is moving out in August so we need to find a new one. I have faith that we will find a new renter by August. Finally, we cap off the summer by going on a short 4 day Baja Mexico cruise with our friends Charles and Hannah. So, we have a big spring and summer ahead of us and boy do we need to finally relax. We've been working hard for so long. It is time to chill for a bit.

Other than that we were able to get back to hiking this weekend. We love to hike, but we took a long time off after hiking the 18 mile roundtrip to the peak of Mt. Charleston. While it was fun, it was also very painful so we needed to take some time off. Plus, we had hiked literally five months straight so we needed to take some down time. However, our juices were flowing for getting back into hiking so we stepped back onto the trails Saturday to hike some of the Calico Basin Loop in Red Rock Canyon. It felt good to get back on the trails and see all of God's great earth. It was so quiet and still. Out on the hiking trails you can get back to a simpler time...a simpler place. It was wonderful. Anyways, we will be hitting the trails quite a bit this spring and all through the summer. Our plan is to hit the peak of Charleston again in August, but to do it better than last time. We'd like to finish a few hour faster than we did last time. I know we can do it.

Lastly, we started a new series today at church called "Uncertainty". It was great because the visiting pastor Tommy Politz, talked about how uncertainty is tough to deal with in our lives. I am one who definitely does not like uncertainty, but I realized in the message that sometimes we are thrown into uncertainty without choice and that can no doubt be tough. However, sometimes we are in uncertain situations because we throw ourselves into uncertainty. In my life I have learned that it always works best when you follow where God is leading you even when you don't want to take that path. There is a certain toughness and a well of strength that we obtain by going through tough times. Even in these times when uncertainty is reported all around us by the news, we have much to be thankful for because hard times build tough and resiliant people. We are stronger than we think. Hard work, perseverance and dedication are a part of our make up.

Whatever you do and wherever you are in your life right now I want you to read this and be encouraged. There is hope in the air, laughter around the corner...keep on working hard and making your way and you will see goodness in your life always. I am reminded by one of my clients Molly...real wealth is not measured in money...it is measured in all the things you do everyday to help others. Real richness is in the grace you provide to others and light that you shine for all to see.

Thanks for your time everyone and have a blessed week.

Vegas Days...

2009-03-02T08:51:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone!

If you live out here in Vegas you will surely see that the weather is getting very nice. It has been in the 70's the past few days and it will continue to be nice. We are now in March and the beautiful weather will perist for about anothe month or two and then it will get scorching hot. I love it!

Anyways, this past weekend was one of the most hectic ones Shel and I have had in a while. We picked up my brother and my cousin from the airport here in Vegas and drove down to the Airliner Club in LA to see him headline the show there. As always my brother puts on a great performance. Things are really getting big for him in the music business. He is starting his own music label (Nu Revolution Entertainment) this month and will be dropping two albums this year in conjunction with distributors Dented Records in the United Kingdom and Unruly/Koch records here in America. Lookout for my brother's appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live! June 5th, 2009. His first big album will be a collaboration with legendary MC Chubb Rock who had monsters hits like "Treat'em Right" in the 80's. For all you true hip hop heads you should be going nuts hearing the name Chubb Rock because he was one of the pioneers of making hip hop as big as it is today. Their album "Bridging the Gap" will be released in stores nationwide and digitallty on June 9th, 2009. Lots of great things on the horizon for my little bro!

Ok, besides music stuff, we had a great time just relaxing and enjoying each other's company this weekend. Shel made some delicious sausage corn chower, spicy cornbread and chocolate mousse for us. It was amazing! Then we later headed up to our friends house, The Burgesses, to enjoy some great hot links, chicken, baked beans, potato salad and peach cobbler. We sure at well this past weekend! Whooo! I can't wait to go into work today to get a few tough workouts to get back into the swing of things. Other than that my brother and my cousin ended up staying an extra day due to their flights being cancelled because of the mega storm on the east coast. I dropped them off this morning for their flights. My brother has a busy week coming up. He's shooting the first two music videos off of the "Bridging the Gap" album this weekend so he will be crazy busy again.

Other than that I'm looking forward to a great week at Club Ridges. My clientele base is really picking up. I'm just about at max capacity for myself in terms of picking up new clients. I'm in a good space and I am truly happy about that. I have to be careful about how much I train being that I am also the Fitness Director as well. So, I try to keep a nice balance between the two. Right now it is turning out lovely so I look forward to staying busy in both my directing and training areas. This week I am conducting one of my monthly in-house CEC lectures. It will be on "Clientes who Are Pre-Adolescent". At Club Ridges we have quite a few pre-adolescents and adolescents who are training. I want my trainers to know how to effectivley train this population and with this lecture they will be prepared to do just that. I enjoy working with children. They are very honest and if you just get to know them and gain their trust they will always pay attention to instruction and do well. The adults I have are great as well and generally with all my clients I really enjoy not only training them, but I also enjoy their company.

I finally was able to lock down a date and time for my first networking event. On March 22nd from 4-6pm at Remedy's I will be hosting the inaugural event for "Connect to Fitness". My goal with this is for it to become the premier fitness and wellness networking organization in Vegas. I tend to dream big about things and this is no different. My thing is that I would like to continue to grow as a fitness professional and as a businessman. I am regularly evaluating business offers that come my way, but most of them I just can't get down with. I'm picky with who I work with and I want to build my brand, my reputation and my wealth through smart investments and making solid connections with people who can help me build those things. I'm not one to wait on things. I attack life because I know that oppportunites are all around us. My advice...find what people aren't doing to be successful and then attack that. Do what others aren't doing and keep on pushing. That's why this "Connect to Fitness" networking thing is big for me because it will allow so many doors to open not just for myself, but for others. The question is....who is wants to build their brand as well? Who wants to come along for the ride? I guess we'll see...

Church was awesome again yesterday! We finished up the series "The Knot" which talked about entering into marriage and also what happens when marriages dissolve. I love central christian because they just come at spirituality with a realistic point of view. No one is holier than thou or preaching things that don't relate to real life. Pastor Judd brings the reality to scripture and each week I always come away with something that I can do better as a christian to help others whether it is in my home or in the community. Yesterday was a great lesson because it reminded me of how important my wife is. I need to always remember to encourage her, lift her up, honor her and be there for her. She deserves the best and you know what? I always notice that after the services we tend to treat each other even better than we always do. It is truly a blessing to be involved with such a wonderful church family.

Ok, lastly, Shel and I have a fun week planned. We are eating dinner with Jake and Jamee Sanders on Friday night. We are really looking forward to that. Then the next day we are hiking Ice Box Canyon in Red Rock and then hitting the movies to see "The Watchmen" and eating dinner at the Silverton Hotel and Casino. Fun times this week! I wish you all the best and may you be blessed. Peace!

Hiking Schedule

2009-02-23T09:52:00.001-08:00

Hey everyone,

I said I would post our hiking schedule so here it is:

March 7th: Ringbolt Trail

March 14: Goldstrike Trail

March 28th: Frenchman Mountain

April 11th: Grand Circle Hike @ Red Rock Canyon

April 18th: Juniper Peak @ Red Rock Canyon

April 25th: Valley of Fire Hiking and Camping

These are our hikes coming up, but we will be doing much more. In late May we will hit Mt. Charleston for some beautiful hikes. Our hiking season goes pretty much from March to early fall. Thanks for reading everyone!

World Outside My Window...Time for a Recharge

2009-02-23T09:08:00.000-08:00

When I was in college one of my favorite albums to listen to was R & B singer Glenn Lewis' World Outside My Window. This album was filled with heart felt songs about love and life. I really connected with many of the songs on the album and I especially liked the title of the album. There are many days when I'm typing this blog right next to my living room window that I think about the world outside my window. There is so much going on right now in the world and for the life of me I can't figure out how to digest it sometimes. You see, the world essentially is based on the perception of all people. What I believe to be true could be very much different from what you believe to be true. Our perceptions shape our realities and in the world outside my window I see lately a lot of monontomy, routine and static. Now I'm usually a very optomistic and glass half full type of person, but I can't help but think lately that I am looking out a window that seems to show the same picture everyday. While so much is changing in our world...so much is not. We spend our whole lives working and building these routines and create labels so that we fit into boxes and categories.

I guess what I'm saying is that somedays I look outside that window and wish I could just break away from the everday routines in life. I wish I could just fly, fly away with my wife to a romantic island and not worry about our daily responsibilities. I guess what I'm saying also is I feel stuck. I'm not refreshed at all and I feel it getting worse within me. Nine Inch Nails has a song called "Everyday is Exactly the Same". I'm kind of at that point right now. I can predict how my day will be depending on the day it is. It is just getting to me I guess.

That's why I believe that any job you work in should require you to take a vacation every 3-4 months. Now, you don't have to go away to some beach resort, but I believe it is imperative that we recharge our battery for life every now and then. I believe both my wife and myself are ready for that recharge. Our vacations to Alaska and Mexico cannot come quick enough (May 9th and September 6th). We need a change in scenery big time. A chance to wake up in the morning with nothing to worry about, nothing to think of except for well...nothing. Shel and I always talk about doing crazy things like backpacking through Europe or traveling around the world to see all the great sights and people of this planet. We are dreamers in a sense. I wouldn't mind just leaving our lives behind to visit the seven wonders of the world or hike the appalachian trail.

The great thing is that we all have the ability to wake up from our lives and recharge our batteries to see a different picture outside our window. While I see a pretty routine picture lately outside my window, I know that soon that picture will be exploding with the many treasures of life. Sometimes you just get stuck in "living" and in these times just being able to live and support my family by having a great job is all that counts. God has truly blessed my wife and I in our situation. We are fortunate and we never forget that.

Still, it is in days like this that I sit next to the window typing my thoughts and I wonder...when will this picture of my life change...only God knows and only time and action will tell...

Until the next time everyone. Thanks for reading.